Did we or didn't we?

Well after a couple of months deliberating about finding out the sex of the baby the day finally came. I had told my husband that it was entirely his decision if we were to find out but he couldn't decide.

In the waiting room, about to go in for my scan, he still hadn't decided and said I will let Summer decide. I wasn't too pleased about resting this decision on a 4 year old that really has no concept of what is going on.

So I went in and Summer sat beside me holding my hand (she was very worried that it would hurt even though I had assured her it didn't). It was a rare occasion that the baby was not moving about which was frustrating for the sonographer who needed it to move so she could get all the measurements. Eventually after some prodding it obliged and she was able to measure the important organs and bones which were all as they should be. Apparently it has a rather big tummy but Summer was a whopping 8lbs 13oz when born so this wasn't a shock to me.

Then she came to the bottom end of the baby and clear as a bell I saw an extra little something that had not been there in Summers scan! I kept quiet in case I was wrong and it was the cord or something. Then she asked if we would like to know. Phil squirmed for a whole 10 seconds before saying yeah go ahead. The sonographer confirmed that it was in fact a boy!!!

I have always maintained that I would be happy either way but deep down I think I always hoped it was a boy to complete our family and give us one of each. I immediately realise just how lucky we are as most parents would love to have one of each but end up with 3 girls!

Not only that but also to have two healthy pregnancies and babies (touch wood) has not gone unnoticed by us. We are truly blessed and I feel like this baby boy will be the last piece of our puzzle and will complete our family.

Phil’s immediate reaction was to announce that we will definitely have to move house so that the kids can have their own room. This was shortly followed by his excitement over having someone to go to the gym with. I think he will have a while to wait until then!

Summer reacted by giving me a look of "yeah I knew it was a boy". She immediately suggested Charlie or Jackson as possible names which I am assuming are friends in her pre-school class.

We have got a short list of names which we have pulled down to two possibles but I am not sharing that until he is born. I may change my mind between now and April anyway.

Scan aside I have still been feeling pretty awful. Tiredness that I can't even begin to explain. I also now cannot walk too fast otherwise I get a pulling on the front of my tummy that is difficult to explain but extremely uncomfortable. Best way to try and describe it is to imagine you have drunk lots and lots of water and then run down the road and you can feel it swishing about which gives you a weird sensation. I suggest you try doing that just so you get an idea of how I feel!

So now onto the shopping. I will need to buy lots of stuff now the colour has changed. Most of Summers old baby clothes are pink and I got rid of the bottles etc. So I must start stocking up.

I now don't have a midwife appointment until in between Christmas and new year.

Kat

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Go with your instincts

My instincts are rarely wrong and yet again this has proved to be the case. When my midwife told me I would need to have consultant led care I was rather surprised and bemused. None of my family or medical history has changed since the first pregnancy and I couldn't see any other reason to be so heavy handed with my care.

So I went along to the hospital appointment last week to see the consultant. What a complete and utter waste of time.

First off I had to wait an hour and a half to be seen which didn't put me in the best of moods, this coupled with the fact that the waiting room was filled with women who were either morbidly obese or very young meant I really didn't want to be there.

I eventually got seen after complaining about the wait. I hate complaining but it is amazing how quickly after that I was seen so maybe my husband is right and it does have its benefits. So I met Mrs Watkins who was very nice. After going through a list of questions she also had the bemused look that I had on her face and very matter of factly said "I am seriously unsure why you have been sent to me, You won't need to come again" and "I think your midwife was a bit gung-ho".

The questions that had originally raised the alarms were: does anyone in yours or your husband immediate family have any heart problems, my answer was yes as my mother in law had heart surgery a few years ago. This apparently has no relevance on my health as she is my in law. Next - Could you give more detail on the heart palpitations you suffered during the last pregnancy, I said that I was told to cut out caffeine which seemed to control it and I haven't had a reoccurrence. This again therefore, had no relevance to this pregnancy. Next - Could you give more detail on the hernia you were diagnosed with during the last pregnancy, I said that I have had no problems with it since and it only hurt when I was heavily pregnant. The consultant then asked if I had a lump or my belly button popped out, both of which I answered with a no. She then informed me that I had therefore been misdiagnosed and it could not have been a hernia. The last question referenced a couple of cervical biopsies I’d had years ago. She said "it says here you have had to cone biopsies" to which I replied "what is a cone biopsy" she went on to explain that a cone biopsy is quite severe and they remove the whole top layer of your cervix while you are under general anaesthetic. This is not what I had had done at all, mine was very small and unpainful biopsies which I underwent while conscious. I have no idea why the midwife would have written something that I clearly hadn't said so the consultant just said that again these biopsies have no relevance to my pregnancy!

The thing I was most concerned and annoyed about (my weight) didn't even factor into the conversation. All she said is that because my BMI is over 30 (it is 30.7!) I will have to have an additional scan at 34 weeks which isn't a bad thing really. Anyway she let me hear the heartbeat again before leaving and sending in another midwife.

This midwife, Clare, was really nice and just relayed what had just been discussed and what would be sent to my doctor. Then she asked if I would take part in a research study they were doing in partnership with Cardiff University on pregnancy in obese women. She told me that I would have to fill out 3 questionnaires at different stages and they would send me a £10 voucher for the baby and 12 free slimming world vouchers so I said what the hell, sign me up.

The worst part about my pointless visit to the hospital was after the appointment when I was waiting at the desk to get a scan appointment date and I noticed an area slightly separate from the other waiting room and in there was a midwife who seemed to be consoling a lady who looked to be about 5 or 6 months pregnant. I was trying to not be nosey but I caught a few odd words and it was obvious she had lost her baby. I almost broke into tears then and there. Miscarriages happen all the time and I am not saying that it is easy at any stage of pregnancy but when it happens at the later stage it must be worse. You have grown so attached to the idea by then and the absolute worst part is that you have to go through the birthing process. Being at 5 months myself I just really felt for her and the very thought of going through that myself really upset me.

The really good news is that I have my second scan next week and I may or may not find out the sex. Check back next week to find out!

Kat

Almost halfway

I am now 19 weeks pregnant (almost halfway point). At my midwife appointment the other week I did get to hear the heartbeat. It was much faster than I remembered but felt nice to hear it and that it was all normal and strong.

There has been so much movement over the last week. My stomach feels like a washing machine on a spin cycle. The kicking feels like flutters but every now and again it feels like my whole stomach has turned over - much like the feeling you get when you drive over a little hill really fast.

I am still yet to buy any maternity clothes but have found some nice bits in Debenhams and M&S. I have however got myself some flat shoes as my back is still struggling with the extra weight. The bump is getting bigger by the day but unlike last time it is all staying at the front (apparently a clear sign of carrying a boy). Last time I just got bigger all the way around (apparently a clear sign of carrying a girl).

Last week I had started to stop feeling so sick and even got some of my appetite back. This was only short lived and I am yet again unable to eat properly (if at all). I feel tired all the time and am pretty much unable to function in the evenings. Any evening plans fill me with terror as I just cannot function beyond 6pm. The heartburn is on and off but when it flares up it is incredibly painful. I have discovered that Rennie tablets are much better than Gaviscon and will now not go anywhere without them!

Went to a wedding last week and saw some friends that I have not seen in a while. All of them commented on my weight loss. I even had some comments on my bigger boobs, slightly inappropriate but I was flattered all the same. Although while on the subject my boobs have definitely started to get bigger. I am just wondering when I will have to give in and wear the hideous maternity bras.

I am seeing the consultant on Friday (the appointment I missed the other week). I have no idea what to expect but I am guessing they will weigh me and ask a load of questions. Would be a bonus if I got another scan out of it.

Anyhow, I am off to bed early tonight as I have a late night tomorrow going to see rock of ages in London. I have to plan ahead for a late night to ensure I can manage it!

Kat
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Second trimester

Things are very fast moving in the pregnancy world and the second trimester is probably the quickest part.
I am at 17 weeks now and the itching has begun! I forgot how irritating this could be, I literally itch from head to toe at the most inconvenient times. Mainly when I go to bed or am trying to chill out in the evening. Based on last time around I am hopeful that this won't last long as it has an awful affect on my mood.

The other thing is that I can feel the baby moving (or kicking). At the moment it is very infrequent and I can only really feel it if I am lying still as it is quite faint but that will increase over the coming weeks and will probably be another thing that will keep me awake.

My appetite is getting better although I still have to eat as soon as I am hungry otherwise I go off the thought of eating very quickly. Also when I eat I can only manage tiny portions so it is a case of trying to eat little and often which is better for you anyway. The upside to this is that I have lost half a stone since the beginning of my pregnancy so keeping the babies additional weight and water retention in mind I think I have lost about a stone in total. Not the best way to lose weight I admit but still happy about it all the same.

With so much going on lately I completely missed my first consultant appointment at the hospital last week - whoops. Had to re-arrange for the 11th November, I hope they are not to angry with me when I turn up. I have my second midwife appointment in two days where there will be many more tests (urine, blood etc). I am trying to remember if I will be able to hear the baby's heartbeat at this appointment. I will have to let you know next week.

As I get heavier I am fearing for my back. I have a weak back anyway and have thrown it out on many occasions. During my last pregnancy I threw it out cutting a hedge and I have had the sort of twinges lately that indicate it is struggling. If I walk too far or do too much housework I spend the next day struggling to get out of the chair and walk. Best reason I have ever had to be lazy really!
I will just have to take it easy and be extra careful.

Not long until the second scan now (3.5 weeks) and still no decision made on finding out the sex of the baby. I had decided to go along with my husband and not find out but now he is back tracking and thinks maybe he does want to know. Think I will just let him decide!

The final thing I want to mention this week is maternity clothes. Why on earth can I not find any really nice maternity wear? I love what Emma Willis wears on the telly but god knows where she gets her stuff from as I just cannot find anything that comes close. I may email her management and try to find out. It seems the word frump is very closely associated with maternity. I spend all day yesterday trying to find some suitable trousers for work and couldn't find a thing. I got all excited when I heard H&M do maternity only to be hugely disappointed to find tracksuit type trousers, smock tops and nothing else. I don't want to pay big prices for these clothes as I won't be in them for long but I am starting to think I have no choice. Instead I bought some really big, normal clothes which should get me by for a little while longer.

Anyhow that is it from me. Getting ready for my big 30th birthday party this weekend where I am going to be dressed as a very scary female chucky doll. This will be a real tester of how sociable I can be without alcohol and also if I can actually have fun without drinking... let’s wait and see.

Kat
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Mood swings & sex

I haven't written in a while mainly because I have been in a constant bad mood over the last couple of weeks and I refuse to write while in a negative frame of mind as it would just turn into a rant.

There have a been a number of changes over the last few weeks. A weakened bladder is by far the worst of it! Other changes include a bigger bump (really struggling for clothes now), discomfort and cramps in the side of my tummy and cravings.

To top all of this off I have been intensely busy at work and with tasks that require a great deal of thinking, creativity and problem solving. This is becoming a big problem for me as my brain is getting a bit jumbled, my thoughts are much more clouded and not as sharp as they usually are. This in turn causes a great deal of frustration and generally just making myself look stupid!

A lady said to me the other week "I got post natal depression when I had my daughter and I still have it 23 years later" My response - "Oh dear - how old is your daughter". She laughed in my face and I felt so stupid! This is just one example of many.

The main difference between this pregnancy and my last is that I am kind of ignoring that it's happening. The first time around I followed the weekly faetal updates and took on board most of the recommendations from the books etc but this time I really don't have a care in the world. I get a cramp and instead of thinking "oh god what if something is wrong" I actually think "oh great, I'm in that stage already!"

I do think it has been easier this time with much less anxiety and worry. That said, I am still not and will not enjoy it. I really don't get women that say they love pregnancy, I just could totally do without it and have my baby delivered by a stork (think dumbo).

Summer is getting really excited and it is lovely to see. She tells me that she plays mummies at pre-school and shoves a dolly under her jumper. She asks that when the baby is born if she can help feed it, dress it etc. She has also named the baby flower as we thought it would be nice to give it a pre-pregnancy name to make it easier for her. Summer came up with the name flower because the baby is growing like a flower!

She also thinks the baby will come out of my bum! but that is a conversation I will save for another day.

Another nice thing is that although my bump is getting bigger I seem to have slimmed down a bit in other places like my face and many people have commented. This makes me a bit happy, my husband even said that I look really good pregnant which is nice. There is one exception and that is the "funny man" of my office who thinks it is hilarious to tell me daily that I am piling on the pounds!

There is a topic that is starting to worry me a little and that is the sex. NO! not the lack of or too much as your dirty minds would have thought but the sex of the baby. Last time we found out at the second scan that we were having a little girl. This time my husband really doesn't want to know and in some ways I think if he feels that strongly about it then maybe I should give him this one thing and not find out... But I really want to know.
We are at a stalemate with it and I think I may have to be the bigger person and let him win this one. I still have a little while left to make the decision but it does have to be made.

Would you want to know?
Fill in my poll to the right of the page.

Going public and the scan (No more cat analogies!)

Last week was quite hectic. I subtly made my news public by sharing my blog. To be perfectly honest it was not until this morning though that any of it has felt real.
I finally had my 12 week scan. Still convinced that I was further along or had multiple babies in my tummy I was mildly surprised to hear that I was in fact 12 weeks and 3 days pregnant and there is only one baby there. It all looks ok, they took blood tests for the downs tests which I will hear back in about 5 days.

We took Summer (my 4 year old) along to the scan as I thought it would be good for her to be involved and see proof that there was a real baby in my tummy as I am not sure she fully believes me. She was mesmerised and more concerned that the scan itself was hurting me.

Leading up to the scan has been somewhat hectic though. Had a variety of events to attend over the weekend, most of which involved people drinking. Friday's leaving drinks for a work colleague was really hard as people smoked all around me and I fought the cravings so hard. I did leave early as it just became too hard. Saturday, however, was a different story. It was my best friends 30th birthday and we went for a meal and some drinks and although I was looking forward to celebrating with my friend the thought of staying out late sober was horrible. The reality was very different, we had such a good night. I haven't laughed so hard for a long time, I even stayed out until 1am!

Monday morning approached and I feel like death. I could use another weekend just to sleep.  The scan this morning made it worthwhile getting up though. I also have my due date now which is the 6th April. It is nice to have something to work too.

Oh, My husband and I have also been disagreeing about finding out the sex at the next scan. I want to but he doesn't. We did find out with Summer and as this will be our last child my husband thinks it would be nice to have the surprise. If he really doesn't change his mind then I will respect his wishes and not find out (as hard as that will be).

Kat
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Summer - 13 days old

Oh my god, its quite amazing how one little person can make you feel. It is nearing the end of two weeks with my lovely Summer and i already cannot imagine life without her. I find it hard to think what my life was like before her. We definately should have done this years ago.
So after i had been stitched up they wheeled me back to the delivery room. Phil was leaving to get a couple of hours sleep and i suddenly felt extremely terrified as they laid this baby on my to feed and i realised i was completely responsible for her. My mum offered to stay with me until phil came back thankfully. As i had had a general anaesthetic i had no feeling from my chest down so she was a godsend and dressed summer for me. I realised i had no idea how to put on a nappy or anything.
They then wheeled me to the ward to join the other new mums. Some family came to see us and my mother in law snuck in a mini bottle of vodka for me but as i was attempting to breast feed i didn't open it. Phil was kicked out at 10pm and i was terrified again as i had to look after her all onmy own for the whole night!!!
It wasn't too bad as the midwives were constantly checking on me as i was immobile and couldn't even pick her up out of her cot. They gave her to me every 3 hours through the night to feed which went ok. The next day i was determined to go home but i wasn't allowed until i had been for a wee and walked (easier said than done). My legs were like jelly but i managed to take myself to the loo although i was terrified that my stitches would burst. By about 3pm they were happy to let me go home as they had done all there checks on the baby and me and everything was fine.
Luckily for us summer is a very good baby who from the first night home slept all the way through from midnight to 6am which was great. Since then we have had a couple of sleepless nights but on the whole she is very good.
The whole of the first week was taken up with visitors. I was doing ok until about the third day and my stitches became very painful. It turned out i had got an infection and had to be put on very strong antibiotics so the first alcoholic drink had to be put on hold. I had done it for 9 months what was another week!! Then on the third night the breastfeeding became excrutiatingly painful. I had never quite felt pain like it, i think i would have rather gone through the labour again than breast fed for any longer. The midwife came the next day and warned me that the fourth day would be the most painful... she was not wrong. I was quite literally having to bite down on a tea towel just to get through it. But it got too much and through the pain of this and the pain in my stitches i was at breaking point and was inconsolable. Phil tried his best to stop me crying but there was nothing he could do. Summer was getting distressed and was obviously not getting enough food which made me even more upset as i felt i was letting her down. Enough was enough, out came the bottles and the steraliser. Straight away summer was a changed baby and far more content. She slept better and was getting into a better routine and best of all i didn't dread having to feed her. I am glad i tried breast feeding though and it obviously wasn't for me. The midwife was really good about it and made me feel much better. I will not be trying it at all next time.
Finally in the last few days i have felt great again and back to my old self. I find myself just watching Summer for hours. She pulls some cracking faces and her smiles just melt my heart (although i suspect it is just wind and not real smiles). She recognises my voice now and is so alert. She is already desperately trying to crawl, her legs are moving her the right way but she hasn't quite got the strength in her arms yet which really frsutrates her. It won't be long before she is on the move. She could hold her own head up the minute she was born so i would definately say she was quite advanced but she comes from good genes so there is no surprise there ; )
Anyway i am afraid this will be the last blog from me! I have a life now and someone to fill it! I have enjoyed sharing my thoughts and will really enjoy reading them back to summer when she is older as i plan to print them into a little book for her. I hope i have not bored any of you too much and thanks for taking the time to read these.
All that is left to say is that i think if you have the oportunity you should definately have kids they are the future and its the most amazing feeling in the world. Before i had her i thought i understood this but the feeling is far too intense to ever explain in words and has to be experienced to be believed. Perhaps i will do more blogs when the next one is on the way!!!
Thanks again and bye!!!