So it first came to my attention a while ago when Holly Willoughby was talking about it on twitter, then more people started mentioning it. This moved to facebook and suddenly most of my friends were reading this mysterious book. The only thing I knew about it was that it had been dubbed as "mummy porn" and it had my full attention so I had to read it and see what all the fuss was about. I finished the first in the 50 shades trilogy last night and have quite a few irritations about it so the best way to vent is to blog! Here is my full and frank review. WARNING this blog does contain spoilers!
In my job one of the key roles I have is to edit written reports. My main annoyance is repetition and I believe if you are writing anything the thesaurus should become your best friend. Mix up the language to avoid predictability. This book is a master class in how NOT to do it. Words and even whole sentences are completely overused especially in the supposedly erotic parts. Surely if you are writing a sexually charged book you could at least come up with different phrases for describing an orgasm. He always "finds his release" and she always "explodes all around him". I ended up filling with rage everytime I read "holy crap" or "she bit her lip" to name just a few overuses.
Moving on to the sex... well as used in the book, in my opinion, it was "vanilla". When I realised it was about s&m and dom/sub relations I did worry that it would be a bit much for me as this really isn't my thing. I needn't have worried as other than different scenarios and positions on the whole the sex description was the same everytime. Chapter 8, where the sex begins, was fine but in all honestly I thought it was a tepid start to the sex scenes but they would get more intense and sexy but they platoed at the same level throughout and just became so predictable.
I think one of the things that demanded my interest was the dom/sub thing. It interested me only because it does nothing for me and I was fascinated in what actually goes on and why/how people get into this in the first place. This was not something that was explained in this book which was a bit of a let down. There are two other books which I have not read yet and I pray this is explained in the next. This has held my interest long enough that I am very eager to start on the next book.
With all the negatives above you will be surprised to know that I actually couldn't put the book down or stop thinking about it... but why?
Simply put it was Christian Grey that demanded my attention. He intrigued me from his first appearance and held up my interest and excitement to the end. I really fell for him!
I did question why I had fallen for this messed up fictional character and I realised it is because the way he fell for Ana and tried so hard to change for her was the kind of devotion most women can only dream of. He begins as this confident, unflinching man who gets everything he wants/ demands. His intimidating demeaner is overpowering and disarming and his control freak side is to the extreme. Later in the book he has fallen so hard for Ana that he really does soften and tries to give her "more". The fact that he would be willing to change/ compromise on the only lifestyle he has ever known and enjoyed is a fantasy it seems. Even with his cold and distant demeanour he is such a loveable character and although he never says it it is clear he falls in love with Ana. As I read I wished I was her.
I am desperate to know about his past as a child and also the Mrs Robinson years. How did this relationship begin? how was he trained? was she lenient on him?
I almost wish for a prequel to this book to be written. This is the stuff that I find fascinating and to be honest I don't really even care much for the Anastasia character or their relationship whatever that was.
I actually didn't even mind the storyline of the book but it is a shame it was so badly written. To sum up I think this book was completely over-hyped and is another social media led hype. This looks set to continue as a film studio has bought the film rights. I also read that Ian Somerhalder (Boon in Lost and Damon in the Vampire Diaries) is interested in playing the Grey role. As an actor I have admired for a while now (for his looks more than his capacity to act) I would definitely be heading to the cinema to see that!
I would be keen to hear your thoughts on the book as my facebook is filled with people that absolutely loved this first instalment. I just don't get it and rate it as "alright".
About Me
- Kat
- Fleet Hampshire, United Kingdom
- I am a hard working, business woman (I use that term loosely), a mum of kids and dogs, a devoted wife, a ‘try hard’ friend and above all else a paranoid control freak who cannot believe that my life turned out pretty great.
Thursday, 28 June 2012
Wednesday, 20 June 2012
Maternity leave 3 months on
It has been a while since my last post so when I found myself with a (rare) childfree house My first priority was to update my blog.
Dexter is now 3 months old and I still cannot believe how quickly it has flown by (I know everyone says that but it's true).
Mothering a baby the second time around has been so easy. The first time I remember feeling quite lost and questioning everything I was doing, convinced it was all wrong. This time, however, my experience has given me the confidence that I so envied in other mums/ friends with children. Dexter has helped in his own way as he is such an easy baby. I know there may be some mums reading this thinking "thanks for rubbing it in" but believe me my first child was an easy baby but I paid for it in spades when she hit the terrible two's (which is a phase she is still in at almost 5). He started sleeping through the night at 6 weeks and this is just getting better each week. We currently put him to bed at 10pm and he sleeps through until 5am, goes back to sleep, has a quick feed at 9am and then sleeps all the way through to mid day. He then stays away most of the afternoon and just laughs and smiles. He only cries when he is hungry but even then I am yet to see real tears and hear a proper cry.
Actually I heard him cry hard last week as we startled him with our loud yelling at each of the three goals England scored against Sweden in the Euros.
I put most of his great behaviour down to our laid back approach (apparently they pick up on the vibes you send out) and his size. He is huge!!! At eight weeks old I took him to get weighed and the health visitor looked at him and asked if he was 21 weeks old! This is a running theme and at 3 months old he is the same size as a six month old (We have actually compared). I have been told that he is going to be very tall and is following the outer percentile on the growth chart. At 5ft 2in and his father not much taller most people would wonder how on earth that happened but my brother is a good 6.5ft so there must be genes in the family somewhere.
Anyway, I was told that bigger babies are much more contented babies and I would definitely agree with this theory. So if you are pregnant and have been told that your baby is on the bigger side look at it as a positive thing.
I think the great sleeping pattern has occurred due to the fact that we put him in a cot and his own room at 2 months which I could not recommend more. That said I can understand how some parents are nervous to let a baby sleep out of their sight but believe me you both sleep so much better.
Maternity leave has felt pressurised. Stay with me on this. If I waste a day doing nothing but watching TV it puts me on a downer and I constantly have a sinking feeling that I have wasted a day. So I am constantly looking for things to do. At first this was fine as my house really could use an all over deep clean so I would take a room a day and get on with it. The only problem is that now I seem to have become a clean freak and get annoyed if people come in and make it a mess which is not good with a 5 year old. I am continuously cleaning which I then started to feel was wasting the day too so I started making plans for at least two outings a week. This was fine at first but now I am on maternity pay I can't afford to do the things I was doing and I am not a fan of walking for no reason so I struggle to find things to do. I probably spend more time trying to think up things to do than actually doing them.
I need a hobby...
I did take both kids swimming a few weeks ago which was great fun and Dexter absolutely loves the water so had a whale of a time and he even fell asleep in the pool. People kept telling me I was brave for bringing a baby so young swimming which made me wonder if I should not have taken him... I get paranoid sometimes.
As the school holiday approaches I am sure I will fill my days easily as my mum will be off work and hopefully some of my other mum friends will be taking time off so I will have plenty of people to see.
My health and fitness has now become a huge priority for me. I started back at bootcamp a couple of weeks ago which I absolutely love and to make it better, a year on, the people attending are the same as before. I currently do this once a week for now and plan to up it to three times a week when I go back to work and can afford it.
Due to the diabetes I had in pregnancy I lost a lot of weight at the end of my pregnancy. The picture below was taken two weeks after the birth and it is an unusually good picture of me. However, since then I started snacking and putting the weight back on again.
Over the last week I downloaded an app on my phone which takes into account your current weight, height, age etc and based on how much you want to weigh calculates your daily calorie allowance. You then enter all the food, drink and snacks you consume through the day which links to the nutritional contents of each and at the end of the day you get an analysis on your consumption that day (reduce trans fats to ... etc). Its great and takes into account any exercise you do and keeps track of the water you consume.
I don't think of it as counting calories as I don't agree with 'dieting' on the whole. It is simply helping me to understand the nutritional value of the things I am eating, keeping a check on my portion sizes and generally makes me think twice when I fancy a snack. It only works if you are honest but it is helping me rethink my diet.
My overall goal is to look and feel fantastic when I return to work in September but it will also form part of my permanent lifestyle change. One day I would like to think I will be in good enough shape to even complete a marathon. Its good to have goals and this one is quite long term but very achievable.
Hopefully my next post wont take as long to complete. I am taking Dexter on his first holiday next month so will be posting how that went.
See ya
xxxx
Dexter is now 3 months old and I still cannot believe how quickly it has flown by (I know everyone says that but it's true).
Mothering a baby the second time around has been so easy. The first time I remember feeling quite lost and questioning everything I was doing, convinced it was all wrong. This time, however, my experience has given me the confidence that I so envied in other mums/ friends with children. Dexter has helped in his own way as he is such an easy baby. I know there may be some mums reading this thinking "thanks for rubbing it in" but believe me my first child was an easy baby but I paid for it in spades when she hit the terrible two's (which is a phase she is still in at almost 5). He started sleeping through the night at 6 weeks and this is just getting better each week. We currently put him to bed at 10pm and he sleeps through until 5am, goes back to sleep, has a quick feed at 9am and then sleeps all the way through to mid day. He then stays away most of the afternoon and just laughs and smiles. He only cries when he is hungry but even then I am yet to see real tears and hear a proper cry.
Actually I heard him cry hard last week as we startled him with our loud yelling at each of the three goals England scored against Sweden in the Euros.
I put most of his great behaviour down to our laid back approach (apparently they pick up on the vibes you send out) and his size. He is huge!!! At eight weeks old I took him to get weighed and the health visitor looked at him and asked if he was 21 weeks old! This is a running theme and at 3 months old he is the same size as a six month old (We have actually compared). I have been told that he is going to be very tall and is following the outer percentile on the growth chart. At 5ft 2in and his father not much taller most people would wonder how on earth that happened but my brother is a good 6.5ft so there must be genes in the family somewhere.
Anyway, I was told that bigger babies are much more contented babies and I would definitely agree with this theory. So if you are pregnant and have been told that your baby is on the bigger side look at it as a positive thing.
I think the great sleeping pattern has occurred due to the fact that we put him in a cot and his own room at 2 months which I could not recommend more. That said I can understand how some parents are nervous to let a baby sleep out of their sight but believe me you both sleep so much better.
Maternity leave has felt pressurised. Stay with me on this. If I waste a day doing nothing but watching TV it puts me on a downer and I constantly have a sinking feeling that I have wasted a day. So I am constantly looking for things to do. At first this was fine as my house really could use an all over deep clean so I would take a room a day and get on with it. The only problem is that now I seem to have become a clean freak and get annoyed if people come in and make it a mess which is not good with a 5 year old. I am continuously cleaning which I then started to feel was wasting the day too so I started making plans for at least two outings a week. This was fine at first but now I am on maternity pay I can't afford to do the things I was doing and I am not a fan of walking for no reason so I struggle to find things to do. I probably spend more time trying to think up things to do than actually doing them.
I need a hobby...
I did take both kids swimming a few weeks ago which was great fun and Dexter absolutely loves the water so had a whale of a time and he even fell asleep in the pool. People kept telling me I was brave for bringing a baby so young swimming which made me wonder if I should not have taken him... I get paranoid sometimes.
As the school holiday approaches I am sure I will fill my days easily as my mum will be off work and hopefully some of my other mum friends will be taking time off so I will have plenty of people to see.
My health and fitness has now become a huge priority for me. I started back at bootcamp a couple of weeks ago which I absolutely love and to make it better, a year on, the people attending are the same as before. I currently do this once a week for now and plan to up it to three times a week when I go back to work and can afford it.
Due to the diabetes I had in pregnancy I lost a lot of weight at the end of my pregnancy. The picture below was taken two weeks after the birth and it is an unusually good picture of me. However, since then I started snacking and putting the weight back on again.
Over the last week I downloaded an app on my phone which takes into account your current weight, height, age etc and based on how much you want to weigh calculates your daily calorie allowance. You then enter all the food, drink and snacks you consume through the day which links to the nutritional contents of each and at the end of the day you get an analysis on your consumption that day (reduce trans fats to ... etc). Its great and takes into account any exercise you do and keeps track of the water you consume.
I don't think of it as counting calories as I don't agree with 'dieting' on the whole. It is simply helping me to understand the nutritional value of the things I am eating, keeping a check on my portion sizes and generally makes me think twice when I fancy a snack. It only works if you are honest but it is helping me rethink my diet.
My overall goal is to look and feel fantastic when I return to work in September but it will also form part of my permanent lifestyle change. One day I would like to think I will be in good enough shape to even complete a marathon. Its good to have goals and this one is quite long term but very achievable.
Hopefully my next post wont take as long to complete. I am taking Dexter on his first holiday next month so will be posting how that went.
See ya
xxxx
Monday, 23 April 2012
Dexter is now 3.5 weeks - where did the time go?
Dexter is now 3.5 weeks old and getting bigger by the day.
Today was a good day as Dexter had his scan this morning to see if the hole in his back goes through to his spine. The results were very good and it does not go through to his spine and everything looks normal. Apparently it may close up over time too. He will have another scan in about 3 months just to check there is no change.
I am spending most of my maternity leave feeling very guilty. As I am getting up every two hours in the night I know I should catch up on my sleep during the day when Dexter sleeps but when he does go for a long sleep in the day I end up using my time cleaning or cooking. This is mainly as I feel as I am at home and my husband is having to provide for me the least I could do is provide him with a spotless house and dinner on the table. In the process I am exhausted. Perhaps I should review this thought process and focus on myself instead.
Life with Dexter is amazing. He is such a timewaster and I could watch him all day. It is all so much easier than I remembered from the first time around. Perhaps it is just the fact that I have confidence in what I am doing this time around.
My weight is doing well. I was a size 16 before I fell pregnant and last week managed to fit into a size 14! so I am very pleased and making an effort to eat healthily. I still have to wait a few more weeks until I am allowed to do some exercises but I am walking a lot more in the meantime. With my weight loss and a new hair cut and colour I went out last weekend for a friends birthday. It was the first proper night out I have had and I really enjoyed myself. I was bombarded with compliments which didn't do any harm to my self esteem! It has certainly spurred me on to continue to lose weight and drop a couple more dress sizes so watch this space.
Going out for the first time was strange. Although I had an amazing time every now and again I would remember my kids and feel really guilty for leaving my 3 week old with someone. There was no need to feel guilty of course as they were safe and happy but it does make you think you shouldn't be out drinking!
I still have to pinch myself and don't quite feel like I am mature enough to have two kids but I do and I wouldn't change it for the world.
The next big decision to make it what contraception I am going onto as I no longer want any more children I need something a bit more secure than the pill. I have discussed with my husband about him having the snip but as we are both in out early 30's it doesn't feel quite right and a bit too final. So in the meantime I am toying with getting the injection. I need to go to the doctors and discuss all the options.
Anyway best go as mummy duties are calling and Dexter wants a feed.
Today was a good day as Dexter had his scan this morning to see if the hole in his back goes through to his spine. The results were very good and it does not go through to his spine and everything looks normal. Apparently it may close up over time too. He will have another scan in about 3 months just to check there is no change.
I am spending most of my maternity leave feeling very guilty. As I am getting up every two hours in the night I know I should catch up on my sleep during the day when Dexter sleeps but when he does go for a long sleep in the day I end up using my time cleaning or cooking. This is mainly as I feel as I am at home and my husband is having to provide for me the least I could do is provide him with a spotless house and dinner on the table. In the process I am exhausted. Perhaps I should review this thought process and focus on myself instead.
Life with Dexter is amazing. He is such a timewaster and I could watch him all day. It is all so much easier than I remembered from the first time around. Perhaps it is just the fact that I have confidence in what I am doing this time around.
My weight is doing well. I was a size 16 before I fell pregnant and last week managed to fit into a size 14! so I am very pleased and making an effort to eat healthily. I still have to wait a few more weeks until I am allowed to do some exercises but I am walking a lot more in the meantime. With my weight loss and a new hair cut and colour I went out last weekend for a friends birthday. It was the first proper night out I have had and I really enjoyed myself. I was bombarded with compliments which didn't do any harm to my self esteem! It has certainly spurred me on to continue to lose weight and drop a couple more dress sizes so watch this space.
Going out for the first time was strange. Although I had an amazing time every now and again I would remember my kids and feel really guilty for leaving my 3 week old with someone. There was no need to feel guilty of course as they were safe and happy but it does make you think you shouldn't be out drinking!
I still have to pinch myself and don't quite feel like I am mature enough to have two kids but I do and I wouldn't change it for the world.
The next big decision to make it what contraception I am going onto as I no longer want any more children I need something a bit more secure than the pill. I have discussed with my husband about him having the snip but as we are both in out early 30's it doesn't feel quite right and a bit too final. So in the meantime I am toying with getting the injection. I need to go to the doctors and discuss all the options.
Anyway best go as mummy duties are calling and Dexter wants a feed.
Friday, 6 April 2012
Life after birth
I realise from my last blog I missed out a crucial piece of information - the baby's weight! He weighed in at a rather large 9lbs 6oz. Considering he was induced a week and a half early I dread to think what he would have weighed if he had reached his due date which is today as a matter of fact (6th April).
So I came home on the 27th March just after midday and things were pretty hectic from then until now. That evening we had most of our immediate family over to visit our new addition.
The following day I was visited by a community midwife who gave Dexter an all over check. In the hospital they had noticed what they called a dimple on his back just above his bottom but they had dismissed it as simply that. However the community midwife had a different view. The dimple is quite deep and she wanted to be absolutely sure it was a dimple and not a hole. If it were a hole that goes right through to his spine then it is a sign that he could have a form of spina bifida. So as a matter of precaution I was sent the following day back up the hospital to get it checked by a doctor.
The doctor didn't seem overly worried as Dexter was clearly moving his legs with no problem which is not the case with spina bifida sufferers. But they have ordered a scan to be absolutely sure. I just got the scan date through and have to wait another 2 weeks but I am not concerned.
We kept Summer off pre-school most of that week as she was just so excited and didn't want to be away from her brother. She has been overly helpful and can even change his nappy (with supervision of course). She wants to help out with everything and picks out his clothes most days. As Friday was the last day of school before the easter holidays we made her go in and Phil took Dexter in too so that Summer could show him off. The children sat around him asking lots of questions.
So this week Summer has been on school holidays which has been tough actually. I have felt forced to keep her busy instead of resting as I should have been. I just felt it was unfair for Summer to be plonked in front of the TV during school holidays so we have been out visiting people and went to Wisley gardens etc. Unfortunately the lack of rest has caught up with me. At the last midwife visit yesterday they were not impressed with my over excursion and said I absolutely must put my feet up this week.
Two days after having Dexter I popped into Guildford town centre to do a bit of shopping. I had so missed looking in normal clothes shops so thought I would give it a go and took Dexter out for his first outing. The epidural I had gave me excruciating back pain but other than that I had recovered really well and even forgot I had stitches.
Last week I also visited work which was nice. I am not usually one to show off but when you have achieved something as beautiful as Dexter it is pretty hard not to!
I have now been signed off from the community midwives and just await a call from the health visitor who will pay me a visit before I start visiting the baby clinic weekly.
My husband and I have got into a great routine and we are really organised. Dexter wakes for feeds 3 times in the night but goes straight back down so although I am sleep deprived it is not all that bad. I feel very lucky about this though as Summer was the same and even started sleeping right through the night from 6 weeks old. He is a really happy baby so far and sleeps all the time. We have special time in the evening where he stays awake for a bit staring at us (probably sussing us out). This is especially nice for Phil as he gets this special time when he gets in from work.
The other thing I am pleased about is that my weight is flying off. Quite the opposite to my last pregnancy where it stuck and I have spent the last 4 years trying to shift it. I am already in my old jeans which are a size 16 but my uterus is still shrinking (stomach still going down) so when that has stopped I will easily be in a size 14 which is fantastic. As soon as I am able I will be getting straight back into my exercise regime at bootcamp and keep up the momentum. Size 12 for the Summer I hope.
So I came home on the 27th March just after midday and things were pretty hectic from then until now. That evening we had most of our immediate family over to visit our new addition.
The following day I was visited by a community midwife who gave Dexter an all over check. In the hospital they had noticed what they called a dimple on his back just above his bottom but they had dismissed it as simply that. However the community midwife had a different view. The dimple is quite deep and she wanted to be absolutely sure it was a dimple and not a hole. If it were a hole that goes right through to his spine then it is a sign that he could have a form of spina bifida. So as a matter of precaution I was sent the following day back up the hospital to get it checked by a doctor.
The doctor didn't seem overly worried as Dexter was clearly moving his legs with no problem which is not the case with spina bifida sufferers. But they have ordered a scan to be absolutely sure. I just got the scan date through and have to wait another 2 weeks but I am not concerned.
We kept Summer off pre-school most of that week as she was just so excited and didn't want to be away from her brother. She has been overly helpful and can even change his nappy (with supervision of course). She wants to help out with everything and picks out his clothes most days. As Friday was the last day of school before the easter holidays we made her go in and Phil took Dexter in too so that Summer could show him off. The children sat around him asking lots of questions.
So this week Summer has been on school holidays which has been tough actually. I have felt forced to keep her busy instead of resting as I should have been. I just felt it was unfair for Summer to be plonked in front of the TV during school holidays so we have been out visiting people and went to Wisley gardens etc. Unfortunately the lack of rest has caught up with me. At the last midwife visit yesterday they were not impressed with my over excursion and said I absolutely must put my feet up this week.
Two days after having Dexter I popped into Guildford town centre to do a bit of shopping. I had so missed looking in normal clothes shops so thought I would give it a go and took Dexter out for his first outing. The epidural I had gave me excruciating back pain but other than that I had recovered really well and even forgot I had stitches.
Last week I also visited work which was nice. I am not usually one to show off but when you have achieved something as beautiful as Dexter it is pretty hard not to!
I have now been signed off from the community midwives and just await a call from the health visitor who will pay me a visit before I start visiting the baby clinic weekly.
My husband and I have got into a great routine and we are really organised. Dexter wakes for feeds 3 times in the night but goes straight back down so although I am sleep deprived it is not all that bad. I feel very lucky about this though as Summer was the same and even started sleeping right through the night from 6 weeks old. He is a really happy baby so far and sleeps all the time. We have special time in the evening where he stays awake for a bit staring at us (probably sussing us out). This is especially nice for Phil as he gets this special time when he gets in from work.
The other thing I am pleased about is that my weight is flying off. Quite the opposite to my last pregnancy where it stuck and I have spent the last 4 years trying to shift it. I am already in my old jeans which are a size 16 but my uterus is still shrinking (stomach still going down) so when that has stopped I will easily be in a size 14 which is fantastic. As soon as I am able I will be getting straight back into my exercise regime at bootcamp and keep up the momentum. Size 12 for the Summer I hope.
Tuesday, 3 April 2012
The main event - Dexter's birth
Firstly apologies for the delay in writing this, I have been somewhat pre-occupied but I will get to that.
So last Monday was induction day. I nervously approached Frimley hospital at 9am with my husband and sister. After being sent to three different wards we eventually found the right one only to be told that my sister could not come in as you are only allowed one person to accompany you (something they insist was in the leaflet they gave me but I really do not recall reading it). So I had to send my poor sister packing with the promise of a call to come up when they moved me to the deliver suit.
In the leaflet it said induction could take up to 48 hours so I was preparing myself for the worst. They inserted a propess (pessary) which is a bit like a mini tampon. It releases hormones toward the cervix to try to bring on labour. Within half an hour to my surprise the contractions began. I was told the baby was quite high so I was encouraged to walk about the hospital as much as I could. We walked to the cafe so phil could get some food. When we returned I was told Phil could not come back on the ward because between 1pm to 3pm is rest time and no one other than patients were allowed in. This was not welcome news considering I was getting contractions, it was nice to have the moral support of my husband.
So Phil went to work for a bit and came back at 3pm. I managed to get a bit of sleep to prepare for the long night ahead.
So eventually I thought I felt my waters break, we told the nurse who was pleased and checked how dilated I was. I was only at 3cm though so still a long way to go. The contractions were almost on top of each other and getting stronger each time. I had a bath to try to help ease the pain but eventually I begged them to let me go to the delivery room so that I could access some proper drugs and not just codeine. So at 9pm they examined me again and said that if I was at least 4cm they would take me through. I was 4cm so with a huge sigh of relief I was sent through to the delivery suit. We quickly called my sister to get up to the hospital as she was my back up birthing partner. I was even quicker to get the gas and air which was amazing.
It was at this point I made a strange decision that I was not going to have an epidural and see how far I could get with just gas and air. I genuinely thought I could do it.
I met my midwife and was told that they had to continuously monitor me because I was a high risk pregnancy which meant having the baby hooked up to a heart monitor and having the midwife by my side the whole time. Luckily she was lovely and throughout the night we had a good laugh together - yes really a good laugh. It got to the point were a midwife put her head around the door to find out what we were all laughing at. Phil was on top form with his comedy and it kept me going through some painful moments.
My fluids were too low and my temperature was up so I was hooked up to a drip for extra fluids. More wires to keep taking to the loo with me through the night!!!!
After a few very painful internal examinations they established that my waters had not actually broken! so they were broken for me. I felt like I had flooded the room!
From that moment the contractions became completely unbearable and is tarted to dilate very quickly. At this point I realised I had to have an epidural after all. After another examination I was 8cm so the midwife suggested we do it fast but I had to do another wee sample first. I went to the loo absent my gas and air when another contraction hit. Without the pain relief I became the shouty woman you see on the telly and had to be rescued from the loo. The midwife looked at me and suggested it was too late for the epidural. My response was quick and swift "I AM HAVING THAT EPIDURAL NO MATTER WHAT!" the anaesthetist didn't think it would kick in in time but I said I didn't care and to do it anyway. Luckily it kicked in quick. While they were putting it in the midwife asked if I was getting the urge to push to which I replied no - this was a bare faced lie as I was scared that if I said yes they would stop the epidural.
Oh the relief when the it kicked in was incredible. Unfortunately it slowed everything down for another 5 hours. This was sort of good for me though as it gave me time to have a power nap and prepare for the next important bit - pushing.
Unfortunately for my midwife her shift was over and a new midwife swooped in for the glory of actual delivery.
The new midwife Janine was completely different and really upbeat which is actually what we needed after being awake all night. We were also joined by a medical student who was expecting his first child too. So he had a vested interest in the whole thing.
So the time came to push. I pushed a couple of times and the midwife stopped me and said actually I want you to push until the biggest part of baby's head is out and then just stop and breathe through your contractions. I did this and to everyones surprise the baby started coming out by himself. The contractions just aided to push him out as I simply sat there breathing. The midwife didn't even touch him. To my bigger surprise both phil and my sister watched the whole thing from the business end and phil even cut the cord. 15 minutes of pushing is all it took to get him out. My perfect little boy was finally here! The midwife said she had not seen such a perfect birth for 20 years and that I should be very proud of myself.
I only needed a few minor stitches too.
I was then told that summer could come to the delivery suit to visit me and 4 hours after giving birth I was told if I really wanted to I could go home. I didn't even make it to the maternity ward which is such a bonus!
My experience at Frimley hospital was brilliant and I just felt really looked after. It helped that one of the midwives on night shift used to be my daughters childminder for 3 years and looked after us too.
I cannot thank all the staff especially my two midwives enough for a great and magical experience. Also a huge thankyou to my sister and husband who helped me through, especially those early hours when I felt like I couldn't go on. Amazing support and I am just so happy to have shared my experience with them.
So Dexter David Henden was born at 10.24 am on the 27th March after a 23 hour labour.
So last Monday was induction day. I nervously approached Frimley hospital at 9am with my husband and sister. After being sent to three different wards we eventually found the right one only to be told that my sister could not come in as you are only allowed one person to accompany you (something they insist was in the leaflet they gave me but I really do not recall reading it). So I had to send my poor sister packing with the promise of a call to come up when they moved me to the deliver suit.
In the leaflet it said induction could take up to 48 hours so I was preparing myself for the worst. They inserted a propess (pessary) which is a bit like a mini tampon. It releases hormones toward the cervix to try to bring on labour. Within half an hour to my surprise the contractions began. I was told the baby was quite high so I was encouraged to walk about the hospital as much as I could. We walked to the cafe so phil could get some food. When we returned I was told Phil could not come back on the ward because between 1pm to 3pm is rest time and no one other than patients were allowed in. This was not welcome news considering I was getting contractions, it was nice to have the moral support of my husband.
So Phil went to work for a bit and came back at 3pm. I managed to get a bit of sleep to prepare for the long night ahead.
So eventually I thought I felt my waters break, we told the nurse who was pleased and checked how dilated I was. I was only at 3cm though so still a long way to go. The contractions were almost on top of each other and getting stronger each time. I had a bath to try to help ease the pain but eventually I begged them to let me go to the delivery room so that I could access some proper drugs and not just codeine. So at 9pm they examined me again and said that if I was at least 4cm they would take me through. I was 4cm so with a huge sigh of relief I was sent through to the delivery suit. We quickly called my sister to get up to the hospital as she was my back up birthing partner. I was even quicker to get the gas and air which was amazing.
It was at this point I made a strange decision that I was not going to have an epidural and see how far I could get with just gas and air. I genuinely thought I could do it.
I met my midwife and was told that they had to continuously monitor me because I was a high risk pregnancy which meant having the baby hooked up to a heart monitor and having the midwife by my side the whole time. Luckily she was lovely and throughout the night we had a good laugh together - yes really a good laugh. It got to the point were a midwife put her head around the door to find out what we were all laughing at. Phil was on top form with his comedy and it kept me going through some painful moments.
My fluids were too low and my temperature was up so I was hooked up to a drip for extra fluids. More wires to keep taking to the loo with me through the night!!!!
After a few very painful internal examinations they established that my waters had not actually broken! so they were broken for me. I felt like I had flooded the room!
From that moment the contractions became completely unbearable and is tarted to dilate very quickly. At this point I realised I had to have an epidural after all. After another examination I was 8cm so the midwife suggested we do it fast but I had to do another wee sample first. I went to the loo absent my gas and air when another contraction hit. Without the pain relief I became the shouty woman you see on the telly and had to be rescued from the loo. The midwife looked at me and suggested it was too late for the epidural. My response was quick and swift "I AM HAVING THAT EPIDURAL NO MATTER WHAT!" the anaesthetist didn't think it would kick in in time but I said I didn't care and to do it anyway. Luckily it kicked in quick. While they were putting it in the midwife asked if I was getting the urge to push to which I replied no - this was a bare faced lie as I was scared that if I said yes they would stop the epidural.
Oh the relief when the it kicked in was incredible. Unfortunately it slowed everything down for another 5 hours. This was sort of good for me though as it gave me time to have a power nap and prepare for the next important bit - pushing.
Unfortunately for my midwife her shift was over and a new midwife swooped in for the glory of actual delivery.
The new midwife Janine was completely different and really upbeat which is actually what we needed after being awake all night. We were also joined by a medical student who was expecting his first child too. So he had a vested interest in the whole thing.
So the time came to push. I pushed a couple of times and the midwife stopped me and said actually I want you to push until the biggest part of baby's head is out and then just stop and breathe through your contractions. I did this and to everyones surprise the baby started coming out by himself. The contractions just aided to push him out as I simply sat there breathing. The midwife didn't even touch him. To my bigger surprise both phil and my sister watched the whole thing from the business end and phil even cut the cord. 15 minutes of pushing is all it took to get him out. My perfect little boy was finally here! The midwife said she had not seen such a perfect birth for 20 years and that I should be very proud of myself.
I only needed a few minor stitches too.
I was then told that summer could come to the delivery suit to visit me and 4 hours after giving birth I was told if I really wanted to I could go home. I didn't even make it to the maternity ward which is such a bonus!
My experience at Frimley hospital was brilliant and I just felt really looked after. It helped that one of the midwives on night shift used to be my daughters childminder for 3 years and looked after us too.
I cannot thank all the staff especially my two midwives enough for a great and magical experience. Also a huge thankyou to my sister and husband who helped me through, especially those early hours when I felt like I couldn't go on. Amazing support and I am just so happy to have shared my experience with them.
So Dexter David Henden was born at 10.24 am on the 27th March after a 23 hour labour.
Thursday, 22 March 2012
The last hurdle - Dexter Pregnancy
Well it has been an eventful week.
On Monday I went to the hospital again for another scan. The baby has got bigger but the growth has slowed a bit so the diabetic diet is helping. The computer estimated that the baby is about 8lbs 6oz... and I still had 2.5 weeks to go.
Thankfully my prayers were answered when they said the magic words... "we will induce you early". In fact I am due to go in on Monday (in 4 days time).
Although it is only 1.5 weeks early it is such a relief. It is really nice to be able to tell Summer how many sleeps it is too. Also we can plan for childcare for my daughter. As I go in at 10am we will drop her at preschool as usual and her nanny will pick her up later and take care of her until my husband can get home.
So because of this new due date I left work unexpectedly on Tuesday. Thankfully I had prepared almost everything anyway so I just had a few loose ends to tie up. Actually leaving felt like a bit of an anti climax though. With the short notice I appreciate that I couldn't have the usual send off that my company usually puts together but it just felt really flat. I came in that morning and my boss said that she hadn't told anyone it was my last day as she thought I would want to do it myself. So...how exactly do you go about announcing your own last day....? I picked the easy option and bought chocolates accompanied by an email saying "chocolates in the kitchen as it is my last day, help yourself".
One nice touch was that the CEO was in our London office but still made the effort to call and wish me well which was a nice touch. I don't know, maybe I was expecting too much but I was struck with disappointment.
Anyway, today is day two of my maternity leave and I am going stir crazy already. Its not helped by the fact that my back and pelvic bones are in agony so any kind of walking is excruciatingly painful which rules out doing quite a bit. Other than watching TV. Virgin Media are coming shortly to install my new Tivo box which will keep me occupied.
Last week I visited an old school friend who has very kindly given me loads of baby boys clothes. I have just finished sorting them into ages and ironed them all so I am totally ready. Oh except for my birth plan which I have seemingly overlooked and have not filled in. For anyone that doesn't know a birth plan is just information you keep in your pregnancy book (which you must take to all appointments during your pregnancy). It outlines the way you would ideally like your labour & birth to go including the drugs you want, permission for the vitamin K injection, water or normal birth, etc. I must fill this in today for two reasons: Firstly, last time I was given pethidine which made me violently sick so I am planning to avoid it this time and secondly, I would like the baby cleaned before being passed to me. Yes, this is actually an option and one that I feel a bit guilty about but the babies do come out covered in blood and gunk which i would just rather not cuddle up to. So they quickly whisk them off and towel clean the gunk off first which is great.
At the beginning of my pregnancy we asked my big sister if she would like to be my birthing partner (alongside phil). She has been unable to give us an answer until yesterday as I think she was quite nervous about the thought of it. She has decided that she is going to be there which will be really nice and will give her a special bond with her nephew. It will also be nice for my husband to have some back up if he needs to take a break as it can go on for a very long time (36 hours with my daughter).
Today for the first time I have felt the fear. I am all of a sudden nervous about the birth but excited all at the same time.
So the next blog I write will be the big one!!!! Wish me luck and I will see you on the flip side with photos.
On Monday I went to the hospital again for another scan. The baby has got bigger but the growth has slowed a bit so the diabetic diet is helping. The computer estimated that the baby is about 8lbs 6oz... and I still had 2.5 weeks to go.
Thankfully my prayers were answered when they said the magic words... "we will induce you early". In fact I am due to go in on Monday (in 4 days time).
Although it is only 1.5 weeks early it is such a relief. It is really nice to be able to tell Summer how many sleeps it is too. Also we can plan for childcare for my daughter. As I go in at 10am we will drop her at preschool as usual and her nanny will pick her up later and take care of her until my husband can get home.
So because of this new due date I left work unexpectedly on Tuesday. Thankfully I had prepared almost everything anyway so I just had a few loose ends to tie up. Actually leaving felt like a bit of an anti climax though. With the short notice I appreciate that I couldn't have the usual send off that my company usually puts together but it just felt really flat. I came in that morning and my boss said that she hadn't told anyone it was my last day as she thought I would want to do it myself. So...how exactly do you go about announcing your own last day....? I picked the easy option and bought chocolates accompanied by an email saying "chocolates in the kitchen as it is my last day, help yourself".
One nice touch was that the CEO was in our London office but still made the effort to call and wish me well which was a nice touch. I don't know, maybe I was expecting too much but I was struck with disappointment.
Anyway, today is day two of my maternity leave and I am going stir crazy already. Its not helped by the fact that my back and pelvic bones are in agony so any kind of walking is excruciatingly painful which rules out doing quite a bit. Other than watching TV. Virgin Media are coming shortly to install my new Tivo box which will keep me occupied.
Last week I visited an old school friend who has very kindly given me loads of baby boys clothes. I have just finished sorting them into ages and ironed them all so I am totally ready. Oh except for my birth plan which I have seemingly overlooked and have not filled in. For anyone that doesn't know a birth plan is just information you keep in your pregnancy book (which you must take to all appointments during your pregnancy). It outlines the way you would ideally like your labour & birth to go including the drugs you want, permission for the vitamin K injection, water or normal birth, etc. I must fill this in today for two reasons: Firstly, last time I was given pethidine which made me violently sick so I am planning to avoid it this time and secondly, I would like the baby cleaned before being passed to me. Yes, this is actually an option and one that I feel a bit guilty about but the babies do come out covered in blood and gunk which i would just rather not cuddle up to. So they quickly whisk them off and towel clean the gunk off first which is great.
At the beginning of my pregnancy we asked my big sister if she would like to be my birthing partner (alongside phil). She has been unable to give us an answer until yesterday as I think she was quite nervous about the thought of it. She has decided that she is going to be there which will be really nice and will give her a special bond with her nephew. It will also be nice for my husband to have some back up if he needs to take a break as it can go on for a very long time (36 hours with my daughter).
Today for the first time I have felt the fear. I am all of a sudden nervous about the birth but excited all at the same time.
So the next blog I write will be the big one!!!! Wish me luck and I will see you on the flip side with photos.
Tuesday, 13 March 2012
36+ weeks - Dexter Pregnancy
Since I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes it has been hectic with hospital appointments. First I had to go visit the dietitian. She didn't tell me a huge amount that I hadn't already read in the leaflets they gave me. I have been using the home testing kit 4 times a day every day and am starting to get used to it now. I have to prick my finger and put the blood on a strip which then gives me a reading of the sugar levels in my blood. I am controlling it quite well with my diet.
Last week I had to go to see the consultant and the diabetic consultant. It does concern me when you visit them in the hospital as they just don't have enough time to really check your notes. This was proved when both consultants pointed out that the glucose test was done very late in my pregnancy and couldn't understand why. So I had to explain that this was actually the second test which was done as a result of a late scan showing the huge growth of my baby. It just worried me that they may be missing other things...
Also they have booked me in for another scan next week and I asked if the baby is still on the huge side would they then decide to induce me early to which I was told that early induction would only happen as a result of my sugar levels from my blood tests! Trouble is I do not have a problem with my sugar levels as they themselves have told me. This is all down to the size of the baby so I am none the wiser, all i do know for sure is that they will not let me go over my due date.
I have picked up some kind of chesty cough which has made for a really uncomfortable few days with very little sleep. every time I cough I pull all the muscles in my stomach. At night my coughing fits always leads me to have to get up for a wee too.
Today has been a particularly bad day and I have half expected to go into labour any minute. I have no energy at all, extreme pain in my lower back and odd sensations in my stomach. The nausea seems to have kicked in again which is not good when, due to the diabetes, I cannot skip any meals. I don't know if labour is imminent but I can definitely feel that my body is getting ready.
It would certainly make for a lovely mothers day gift this weekend.
The toughest part is that I am still at work. I thought I could cope fine but this week has been really hard. I have practically emptied my desk and handed all my projects over to other people so I am really just waiting it out. A couple of people in my office are really scared that I will go into labour at my desk and they will have to do something. I do keep pointing out that if that happened I would slope out of the office and drive myself home which they find incredible. Needless to say I think TV and films have a lot to answer for in this respect as they give the wrong impression of what really happens
So next week is I have another scan and I will hopefully know more then about possible early induction. Watch this space. I may even be less grumpy and poorly next week too.
XXXX
Last week I had to go to see the consultant and the diabetic consultant. It does concern me when you visit them in the hospital as they just don't have enough time to really check your notes. This was proved when both consultants pointed out that the glucose test was done very late in my pregnancy and couldn't understand why. So I had to explain that this was actually the second test which was done as a result of a late scan showing the huge growth of my baby. It just worried me that they may be missing other things...
Also they have booked me in for another scan next week and I asked if the baby is still on the huge side would they then decide to induce me early to which I was told that early induction would only happen as a result of my sugar levels from my blood tests! Trouble is I do not have a problem with my sugar levels as they themselves have told me. This is all down to the size of the baby so I am none the wiser, all i do know for sure is that they will not let me go over my due date.
I have picked up some kind of chesty cough which has made for a really uncomfortable few days with very little sleep. every time I cough I pull all the muscles in my stomach. At night my coughing fits always leads me to have to get up for a wee too.
Today has been a particularly bad day and I have half expected to go into labour any minute. I have no energy at all, extreme pain in my lower back and odd sensations in my stomach. The nausea seems to have kicked in again which is not good when, due to the diabetes, I cannot skip any meals. I don't know if labour is imminent but I can definitely feel that my body is getting ready.
It would certainly make for a lovely mothers day gift this weekend.
The toughest part is that I am still at work. I thought I could cope fine but this week has been really hard. I have practically emptied my desk and handed all my projects over to other people so I am really just waiting it out. A couple of people in my office are really scared that I will go into labour at my desk and they will have to do something. I do keep pointing out that if that happened I would slope out of the office and drive myself home which they find incredible. Needless to say I think TV and films have a lot to answer for in this respect as they give the wrong impression of what really happens
So next week is I have another scan and I will hopefully know more then about possible early induction. Watch this space. I may even be less grumpy and poorly next week too.
XXXX
Monday, 27 February 2012
Glucose tolerance results - Dexter Pregnancy
So i had to fast from last night which was particularly difficult when you cannot even have a heartburn tablet which i have become incredibly dependent on. This morning began with having to drink the disgusting glucose drink which is lemon flavour and really sickly. This has to be drunk exactly 2 hours before the blood test and you must drink it within 5 minutes. The most difficult part is actually just keeping the drink down because if you throw it up you cannot have the test.
I go in to have my blood test at Frimley hospital and realise just what a wimp i am. You would think i could have a blood test without wincing after the amount i have had but no. I am told to go and eat something and come back in an hour. After a not too bad toasted sandwich i go back and am quickly told the test is positive so i must wait to speak to the diabetic specialist.
The specialist explains everything to me and explains that this is only a temporary condition and will stop as soon as I have had my baby. She hands me a very scary looking self testing kit and goes on to explain I have to prick the tip of my finger and process the blood through the machine 4 times a day.
I go in to have my blood test at Frimley hospital and realise just what a wimp i am. You would think i could have a blood test without wincing after the amount i have had but no. I am told to go and eat something and come back in an hour. After a not too bad toasted sandwich i go back and am quickly told the test is positive so i must wait to speak to the diabetic specialist.
The specialist explains everything to me and explains that this is only a temporary condition and will stop as soon as I have had my baby. She hands me a very scary looking self testing kit and goes on to explain I have to prick the tip of my finger and process the blood through the machine 4 times a day.
On Thursday I am seeing the dieticien as they think it can be controlled via my diet rather than resorting to insulin shots.
On Monday I will see the consultant again who will review my weeks worth of glucose measurements that I have to log in a little diary.
I have been told that at this stage they cannot say for sure if they will induce me early but they can commit to saying they will not let me go over my due date. The next few weeks they will be keeping a close eye on me and the size of my baby (I may even have another scan) and make a decision on my induction date soon so watch this space.
In the meantime no chocolate for me, healthy eating is a must and 3 meals a day is also a must. I have even substituted the sugar in my tea with sweetener which really doesn't taste the same. The upside to revamping my diet is that by the time I have had this baby I will be used to it and can continue the diet alongside my bootcamp and generally get back into proper shape which I find really exciting.
On a side note I, in no way, see this as an awful thing as I am completely aware that of all the things that can go wrong in pregnancy this is not even close to the bad stuff. I watch one born every minute and last weeks episode was a real reminder of how lucky I am and that I shouldn't moan so much. The episode in question touched upon stillbirths and it was just what I needed to kick me out of my spiralling grump about heartburn, aches & pains, sleep deprivation and lack of most pleasures (alcohol, cigarettes and now chocolate). Sometimes you need a slap in the face like that to realise what you have and how good you have got it.
In Jerry Springer style here is my thought of the day - No matter how bad you think things are there is always someone out there going through worse than you.
Sunday, 26 February 2012
Perhaps a change of plan - Dexter Pregnancy
It has been a busy couple of weeks starting with a lovely long weekend break to Butlins and ending in a worrying hospital appointment.
I will run through things in order and firstly tell you about our lovely weekend away. It was important for us to have a break but more importantly was to spend some quality one on one time with my daughter before she has to share us with her brother. Butlins was the perfect choice and did the job perfectly. We ended up talking an awful lot about the impending addition to our family (bought up by Summer who is really excited)
There were only two downsides and that was that I had to squeeze into a swimming costume - something that no one should see at 33 weeks pregnant! and the walking. Our apartment was so far from the main complex it was a struggle to walk that far for me. I had also managed to throw my back out the day before we left which made for quite a bit of discomfort over the weekend.
When we got back I managed to pick up a chest infection so have been struggling more than usual to breathe and coughing so hard with such a weak pelvic floor brings its own dangers in public. For anyone that didn't understand that last bit you will have to look up the term pelvic floor as I am not going to explain here and embarrass myself any more.
So on Friday I had a 34 week scan thanks to my obesity! It was a bit strange as it was hard to work out which part of the baby we were looking at. It took ages as they seemed to measure absolutely everything. His head was so far down that i had to be tilted practically upside down just to get the baby to move his head. All of his organs were in good order but I did notice that on the computer screen it said my estimated due date was the 19th March which is odd as I am actually due on the 6th April. I asked the sonographer about it and she explained that my due date hadn't changed it was just an estimate based on the measurements that the computer automatically updates.
After the scan I went into my appointment with the consultant who made things much clearer. Basically my baby boy is currently huge! Based on the measurements he is almost 7lbs already but we have another 6 weeks to go (should be about 4-5lbs at this stage). This is most commonly due to gestational diabetes or just down to the fact that some people just breed big babies. Because of my previous diabetes test being borderline negative they need me to take it again. I am doing this tomorrow morning. If it is positive (which i will also find out tomorrow) I will be straight into the diabetic clinic in the afternoon and will begin to discuss options. Hopefully it can just be sorted out via diet. If the test comes back negative I have to go back on Friday to discuss options with the consultant as at this rate of growth it would be too dangerous to go full term.
So it seems that whatever happens tomorrow I am more than likely going to be induced early. That will be strange as they will actually book me in so I will know when my baby is coming. I am trying not to second guess what is going to happen but my gut is telling me I will be induced about 2 weeks earlier than my actual due date. I will need to review a few things such as when I finish work.
I also packed my hospital bag today so I am now officially ready to meet my baby boy whenever that will be.
I will blog about the test results tomorrow! wish me luck.
I will run through things in order and firstly tell you about our lovely weekend away. It was important for us to have a break but more importantly was to spend some quality one on one time with my daughter before she has to share us with her brother. Butlins was the perfect choice and did the job perfectly. We ended up talking an awful lot about the impending addition to our family (bought up by Summer who is really excited)
There were only two downsides and that was that I had to squeeze into a swimming costume - something that no one should see at 33 weeks pregnant! and the walking. Our apartment was so far from the main complex it was a struggle to walk that far for me. I had also managed to throw my back out the day before we left which made for quite a bit of discomfort over the weekend.
When we got back I managed to pick up a chest infection so have been struggling more than usual to breathe and coughing so hard with such a weak pelvic floor brings its own dangers in public. For anyone that didn't understand that last bit you will have to look up the term pelvic floor as I am not going to explain here and embarrass myself any more.
So on Friday I had a 34 week scan thanks to my obesity! It was a bit strange as it was hard to work out which part of the baby we were looking at. It took ages as they seemed to measure absolutely everything. His head was so far down that i had to be tilted practically upside down just to get the baby to move his head. All of his organs were in good order but I did notice that on the computer screen it said my estimated due date was the 19th March which is odd as I am actually due on the 6th April. I asked the sonographer about it and she explained that my due date hadn't changed it was just an estimate based on the measurements that the computer automatically updates.
After the scan I went into my appointment with the consultant who made things much clearer. Basically my baby boy is currently huge! Based on the measurements he is almost 7lbs already but we have another 6 weeks to go (should be about 4-5lbs at this stage). This is most commonly due to gestational diabetes or just down to the fact that some people just breed big babies. Because of my previous diabetes test being borderline negative they need me to take it again. I am doing this tomorrow morning. If it is positive (which i will also find out tomorrow) I will be straight into the diabetic clinic in the afternoon and will begin to discuss options. Hopefully it can just be sorted out via diet. If the test comes back negative I have to go back on Friday to discuss options with the consultant as at this rate of growth it would be too dangerous to go full term.
So it seems that whatever happens tomorrow I am more than likely going to be induced early. That will be strange as they will actually book me in so I will know when my baby is coming. I am trying not to second guess what is going to happen but my gut is telling me I will be induced about 2 weeks earlier than my actual due date. I will need to review a few things such as when I finish work.
I also packed my hospital bag today so I am now officially ready to meet my baby boy whenever that will be.
I will blog about the test results tomorrow! wish me luck.
Monday, 13 February 2012
Under 8 weeks to go - Dexter Pregnancy
Well I am on the home stretch which is brilliant. The only downside is that I am starting to feel really bad again as in the morning sickness is back.
I have a whole new set of ailments to complain about now. The main gripe is the pain I am getting in my pelvic bones... ouch! I read up and apparently it is just my bones softening and readying themselves for the labour but it just feels like someone has kicked me between the legs and I have loads of bruising. It mainly hurts the most after I have been sitting for too long and try to get up, i walk away from my desk looking like John Wayne. I am in too much pain to even be embarrassed by it!
Also I seem to be suffering from horrendous circulation issues in my legs. I wake up in the night and cannot feel whatever side of my leg I am laying on so have to turn over to regain feeling again. Turning over is a massive struggle in itself as I am just so heavy....
Then we move onto the movements of the baby. As there is hardly any room in there now all movements are magnified and I not only feel it but can now see it. The other day I even spilt some water from the force as I had it resting on my tummy. The motions of these movements actually make me feel a bit nauseous and can sometimes really hurt. On the other side of it though it does come with huge reassurances that the baby is healthy and things are going fine. What I love the most is that the baby really responds to my daughters voice. She sings to him sometimes and he moves erratically every time, it is so special to see and is helping my daughter to bond already.
The swelling in my ankles and feet seem to have stopped so that is nice but the heartburn is becoming quite unbearable. I am living on Tums and am pretty sure I am consuming more than the recommended dose. Someone told me that severe heartburn is a sign of your baby having lots of hair and this was proved right when my daughter was born so looks like I am having another hairy one!
The tiredness is really hitting home now and more so because I am up so many times in the night either with having to lug my huge body onto its other side or just needing the loo as baby is on my bladder.
At my last midwife appointment she did tell me that the baby is head down and very low. I took this to mean the baby is getting into position and I should prepare myself that he could be making an early appearance but I think that may be wishful thinking,
I do feel much more prepared now as we got the cot and changing unit out of the garage and cleaned it all up. The equipment is all set up in Summers room now and I even put the bedding on the moses basket and cleaned up the old rocking chair I had for night feeds with Summer. I have bought lots of clothes, vests, bibs, socks, hats, blankets etc. We have sorted out some of our finances in preparation for my maternity leave also.
I am definitely winding down on the work side of things. I had a client meeting up in London last week which absolutely wiped me out so I have pretty much ruled out anymore client visits now. I have now given official notice of my leaving date and am using up outstanding holiday by working only 4 day weeks from this week which will help loads with my tiredness.
We are off to Butlins this Friday for a long weekend away. Both my husband and I thought it was important to give our daughter just one last weekend away where it is all about her and get that quality time in. It will also do us all some good to get away for a few days and have a change of scenery. My daughter has really turned a corner and has grown up a bit more. She really tries to look after me and is always making sure I am alright. She tries to help me wherever she can and is really making me proud. The other night she slept in our bed and I was suffering with pains in my back so she insisted on scratching my back to try to help me sleep. She is only 4 so to be showing that amount of compassion is pretty incredible at her age.
Next week I think I will pack my hospital bag and that is the last thing on my to do list (other than the birth that is). I just need to remember what I should pack but I am pretty sure I will find helpful lists online.
Until next time
XXXXXXXX
I have a whole new set of ailments to complain about now. The main gripe is the pain I am getting in my pelvic bones... ouch! I read up and apparently it is just my bones softening and readying themselves for the labour but it just feels like someone has kicked me between the legs and I have loads of bruising. It mainly hurts the most after I have been sitting for too long and try to get up, i walk away from my desk looking like John Wayne. I am in too much pain to even be embarrassed by it!
Also I seem to be suffering from horrendous circulation issues in my legs. I wake up in the night and cannot feel whatever side of my leg I am laying on so have to turn over to regain feeling again. Turning over is a massive struggle in itself as I am just so heavy....
Then we move onto the movements of the baby. As there is hardly any room in there now all movements are magnified and I not only feel it but can now see it. The other day I even spilt some water from the force as I had it resting on my tummy. The motions of these movements actually make me feel a bit nauseous and can sometimes really hurt. On the other side of it though it does come with huge reassurances that the baby is healthy and things are going fine. What I love the most is that the baby really responds to my daughters voice. She sings to him sometimes and he moves erratically every time, it is so special to see and is helping my daughter to bond already.
The swelling in my ankles and feet seem to have stopped so that is nice but the heartburn is becoming quite unbearable. I am living on Tums and am pretty sure I am consuming more than the recommended dose. Someone told me that severe heartburn is a sign of your baby having lots of hair and this was proved right when my daughter was born so looks like I am having another hairy one!
The tiredness is really hitting home now and more so because I am up so many times in the night either with having to lug my huge body onto its other side or just needing the loo as baby is on my bladder.
At my last midwife appointment she did tell me that the baby is head down and very low. I took this to mean the baby is getting into position and I should prepare myself that he could be making an early appearance but I think that may be wishful thinking,
I do feel much more prepared now as we got the cot and changing unit out of the garage and cleaned it all up. The equipment is all set up in Summers room now and I even put the bedding on the moses basket and cleaned up the old rocking chair I had for night feeds with Summer. I have bought lots of clothes, vests, bibs, socks, hats, blankets etc. We have sorted out some of our finances in preparation for my maternity leave also.
I am definitely winding down on the work side of things. I had a client meeting up in London last week which absolutely wiped me out so I have pretty much ruled out anymore client visits now. I have now given official notice of my leaving date and am using up outstanding holiday by working only 4 day weeks from this week which will help loads with my tiredness.
We are off to Butlins this Friday for a long weekend away. Both my husband and I thought it was important to give our daughter just one last weekend away where it is all about her and get that quality time in. It will also do us all some good to get away for a few days and have a change of scenery. My daughter has really turned a corner and has grown up a bit more. She really tries to look after me and is always making sure I am alright. She tries to help me wherever she can and is really making me proud. The other night she slept in our bed and I was suffering with pains in my back so she insisted on scratching my back to try to help me sleep. She is only 4 so to be showing that amount of compassion is pretty incredible at her age.
Next week I think I will pack my hospital bag and that is the last thing on my to do list (other than the birth that is). I just need to remember what I should pack but I am pretty sure I will find helpful lists online.
Until next time
XXXXXXXX
Thursday, 26 January 2012
Week 30 - getting inpatient - Dexter Pregnancy
As I enter my 30th week I am really starting to feel it. The babies movements are becoming quite intense and if I look hard enough I can almost figure out which body part is pushing out (usually feet or elbows).
My ankles have still not started swelling up badly but they really do hurt at the end of the day. The heartburn is back too with avengance. There are so many ailments that I can't even be bothered to list them. The final physical problem is the ever increasing bump which seems to grow every day. I am really struggling now to find any clothes baggy enough and as for walking well... it is well and truly a waddle now.
Work is really difficult as on top of the tiredness and lack of concentration I am simply losing my focus and find myself drifting off in my own thoughts at my desk making baby plans, thinking about what I still need to buy, what I should be packing in my hospital bag and generally counting down the days till I leave.
This has all been made so much easier lately as my best friend now works with me so it is great to have her additional support and having three children of her own she completely gets it all.
My depression has been up and down over the last couple of weeks. One thing I am sure of, however, is that it is triggered mainly by my daughters misbehaviour. We started doing star charts and a reward system for good behaviour which seems to be doing the trick and it has made for a more pleasant home life.
The last week has been stressful with an ever increasing workload, deadlines, tiredness and a few bouts of paranoia so my mood has taken some dips. I can see when it is happening though and try to pull myself out - which I am able to do at the moment without medication so its all good.
We booked a holiday for next month, just going to Butlins for a long weekend but it is a getaway which will do us all good and give summer some quality time before the baby comes.
Last weekend we got the cot and changing unit out of the garage and it is all set up now in Summers room. She is so excited about having her brother in the room with her. I feel a bit of relief that we are pretty much ready now. I really only need to pack my hospital bag but I will wait another few weeks before I do this. I also got loads of boys clothes from a charity shop.
My mum also found a fantastic bargain of a pushchair which we have bought together so I am really pleased as this was the only thing I wanted brand new.
Anyway seeing the midwife again next week and then I have a final scan on the 24th Feb.
My ankles have still not started swelling up badly but they really do hurt at the end of the day. The heartburn is back too with avengance. There are so many ailments that I can't even be bothered to list them. The final physical problem is the ever increasing bump which seems to grow every day. I am really struggling now to find any clothes baggy enough and as for walking well... it is well and truly a waddle now.
Work is really difficult as on top of the tiredness and lack of concentration I am simply losing my focus and find myself drifting off in my own thoughts at my desk making baby plans, thinking about what I still need to buy, what I should be packing in my hospital bag and generally counting down the days till I leave.
This has all been made so much easier lately as my best friend now works with me so it is great to have her additional support and having three children of her own she completely gets it all.
My depression has been up and down over the last couple of weeks. One thing I am sure of, however, is that it is triggered mainly by my daughters misbehaviour. We started doing star charts and a reward system for good behaviour which seems to be doing the trick and it has made for a more pleasant home life.
The last week has been stressful with an ever increasing workload, deadlines, tiredness and a few bouts of paranoia so my mood has taken some dips. I can see when it is happening though and try to pull myself out - which I am able to do at the moment without medication so its all good.
We booked a holiday for next month, just going to Butlins for a long weekend but it is a getaway which will do us all good and give summer some quality time before the baby comes.
Last weekend we got the cot and changing unit out of the garage and it is all set up now in Summers room. She is so excited about having her brother in the room with her. I feel a bit of relief that we are pretty much ready now. I really only need to pack my hospital bag but I will wait another few weeks before I do this. I also got loads of boys clothes from a charity shop.
My mum also found a fantastic bargain of a pushchair which we have bought together so I am really pleased as this was the only thing I wanted brand new.
Anyway seeing the midwife again next week and then I have a final scan on the 24th Feb.
Monday, 16 January 2012
Third Trimester - 28 weeks - Dexter Pregnancy
Wow - the response I had after last weeks post was very overwhelming and unexpected. I think above all it hit a familiar note with many people and some friends were very surprised about how I had kept my feelings hidden (comes from years of practise).
Anyhow this week things are looking much brighter. I started to feel a bit brighter once I had acknowledged that my depression was creeping back in. Quite often its that first, and difficult step, that is the biggest hurdle. I had a midwife appointment booked in last Friday and had every intention of speak to her about the depression and perhaps even going back onto the medication. My husband came with me for moral support (and I suspect to ensure I didn't chicken out). I found it easier than I had thought to come out with it and contrary to the way I suspected her to react she was incredibly supportive and didn't make me feel like I was just being a drama queen. She agreed that the symptoms sounded as though it was creeping back and was open to putting me back on medication. I, however had a change of heart and decided that I would not take the pills and see how things went for a little while. I went through all the issues I was having with my 4 year old and they agreed it was probably a bit more than temper tantrums and gave me a number for someone at the Health Visitors office.
We agreed that if this was the trigger for my depression this time then it was worth trying to sort it out before medicating.
I also had the results back from my tests and I am pleased to say that I do not have anaemia or diabetes although I am just below the line with the Diabetes and it will be closely monitored. I may have to have the glucose test again but for now I am in the clear.
Another nice thing happened at my appointment and that was that while booking in my next appointment the midwife said (very flippantly) "oh that will be my last day". she continued talking and I had to stop her and ask what she meant. Turns out she is retiring and the lady who I had wrongly assumed was just in the room observing will actually be my new midwife. I was so pleased as I have not really hit it off very well with my current midwife and felt that I haven't had her full attention (may explain why if she is winding down to retirement). Her replacement is lovely and I had an immediate connection and could feel real warmth from her (which is a trait you want from a midwife).
In the meantime I have contacted the health visitor and they are sending someone out to assess my daughter. So that is another thing that may be rectified soon.
My bump has grown quite large now but it is a cute bump, the kind I aspired to have the first time around. The baby kicks and moves all the time now and my daughter has even felt him. We had to explain to her how the baby got in my tummy so we told her that daddy put a seed in my tummy which has grown into a baby. She is very annoyed however that she didn't get to see daddy put the seed in there - she has no idea how lucky she is!!
Reaching 28 weeks is nice as I am now in the third trimester (the home straight). I have started watching the new series of one born every minute and having flashbacks to my first labour. This time though I am not in the least bit frightened or anxious. I'm actually excited... which even I find a bit odd. I think it is because I went through hell the first time with a 36 hour labour I feel like I know what to expect and can therefore enjoy the amazing wonderment that is bringing a new life into the world rather than just panicking about what might happen next... or maybe I am just really excited about meeting my little boy.
The next week or so I will be trying to get sorted with the room and clothes etc as I do think I am completely under prepared.
Anyhow this week things are looking much brighter. I started to feel a bit brighter once I had acknowledged that my depression was creeping back in. Quite often its that first, and difficult step, that is the biggest hurdle. I had a midwife appointment booked in last Friday and had every intention of speak to her about the depression and perhaps even going back onto the medication. My husband came with me for moral support (and I suspect to ensure I didn't chicken out). I found it easier than I had thought to come out with it and contrary to the way I suspected her to react she was incredibly supportive and didn't make me feel like I was just being a drama queen. She agreed that the symptoms sounded as though it was creeping back and was open to putting me back on medication. I, however had a change of heart and decided that I would not take the pills and see how things went for a little while. I went through all the issues I was having with my 4 year old and they agreed it was probably a bit more than temper tantrums and gave me a number for someone at the Health Visitors office.
We agreed that if this was the trigger for my depression this time then it was worth trying to sort it out before medicating.
I also had the results back from my tests and I am pleased to say that I do not have anaemia or diabetes although I am just below the line with the Diabetes and it will be closely monitored. I may have to have the glucose test again but for now I am in the clear.
Another nice thing happened at my appointment and that was that while booking in my next appointment the midwife said (very flippantly) "oh that will be my last day". she continued talking and I had to stop her and ask what she meant. Turns out she is retiring and the lady who I had wrongly assumed was just in the room observing will actually be my new midwife. I was so pleased as I have not really hit it off very well with my current midwife and felt that I haven't had her full attention (may explain why if she is winding down to retirement). Her replacement is lovely and I had an immediate connection and could feel real warmth from her (which is a trait you want from a midwife).
In the meantime I have contacted the health visitor and they are sending someone out to assess my daughter. So that is another thing that may be rectified soon.
My bump has grown quite large now but it is a cute bump, the kind I aspired to have the first time around. The baby kicks and moves all the time now and my daughter has even felt him. We had to explain to her how the baby got in my tummy so we told her that daddy put a seed in my tummy which has grown into a baby. She is very annoyed however that she didn't get to see daddy put the seed in there - she has no idea how lucky she is!!
Reaching 28 weeks is nice as I am now in the third trimester (the home straight). I have started watching the new series of one born every minute and having flashbacks to my first labour. This time though I am not in the least bit frightened or anxious. I'm actually excited... which even I find a bit odd. I think it is because I went through hell the first time with a 36 hour labour I feel like I know what to expect and can therefore enjoy the amazing wonderment that is bringing a new life into the world rather than just panicking about what might happen next... or maybe I am just really excited about meeting my little boy.
The next week or so I will be trying to get sorted with the room and clothes etc as I do think I am completely under prepared.
Friday, 6 January 2012
A very honest post from Week 27 - Dexter Pregnancy
Well Christmas and New Year were eventful and not in a good way. I had, what was quite possibly, the worst Christmas ever for reasons I will detail in this blog.
It began around the beginning of December. My 4 year old daughter seems to have become possessed. She started playing up and has gotten naughtier by the day. It started with her saying no to everything and refusing to do anything we tell her such as getting dressed, eating her dinner or simply not answering back to us. This progressed and she started being a smart arse with us saying things like "I don't have to do that if I don't want to" and "you can't tell me what to do". She has basically turned into a stroppy teenager overnight. We are yet to find a punishment that works on her, she just seems to be completely emotionless toward anything we implement. At the moment she has had most of her Christmas presents confiscated and has to earn them back through good behaviour but she doesn't seem at all bothered by this. I could go on and on about the ways she is naughty and the awful things she has said and done over Christmas but I simply couldn't fit it into this one blog. To sum it up on Christmas morning while opening her gifts she whispered to me with a smug smile "Santa obviously didn't know I have been a naughty girl, I got away with it".
Anyway as a result of this bad behaviour and my lack of control over her I started to get very stressed and became very worried about my blood pressure as I was having dizzy spells, one day I lost complete balance for the best part of a day and could only walk to the left... Also my tiredness had reached a point that I did not experience with my first pregnancy. Then when I started being violently sick I knew I had to sort it out. So I went to the midwife who booked me in for a glucose tolerance test. I pointed out that I thought maybe it was more to do with anaemia as I had looked it up and seemed to have all the symptoms, also with my lack of appetite it was to be expected. So she booked me in to have that tested too.
However, since that visit my well being deteriorated even more and from boxing day to new years day I couldn't go through 24 hours with having a meltdown. I cried so hard and the only thing to stop me was if someone popped over to see me as I didn't want anyone to see me like that as it would lead to questions I could not answer. Such as why was I crying? at first I didn't know but the more I was left with my thoughts the darker I spiralled and had some awful thoughts. The main theme being that I was a terrible mother for bringing my daughter up to be acting in such an awful way. She spoke to me like dirt and I started to think that maybe I deserved it. Over the festive period many people had ideas and opinions on how I should be handling her which just worked to firm up this idea in my head that everyone thinks I am an awful mum. These thoughts then led on to my unborn baby and the fact that I shouldn't be having him. If I couldn't handle my daughter it was simply not fair to bring another baby into the world for me to mess up.
Among these awful thoughts was an overwhelming feeling of utter hopelessness and despair. I just wanted to withdraw from everything around me and shut myself in my bedroom alone for a really long time. These are feelings I have felt before and deep down I knew what was really going on.
Meanwhile, it didn't take long for my husband to figure that something was not right. New years eve was the climax of my breakdown as I saw the new year in alone in floods of tears. I had insisted that my husband go out with his mates as I didn't feel much like celebrating. He really didn't want to leave me but I practically forced him out. I was supposed to have a girls night with my daughter, eating chocolate and playing games but by this point summer had not only pushed every boundary with me but she had even taken to refusing to talk to me as she hated me. So she was put to bed for bad behaviour and I saw in the new year alone feeling really sorry for myself.
New years day my husband confronted me properly and said he had been online and strongly suspected I had prenatal depression. Deep down I had already worked this out but didn't want to face it. I was diagnosed with very mild depression last year and stopped my medication when I fell pregnant. I thought I had been coping well but it is time for a reality check - I am not well.
I have my next midwife appointment next week and plan to be honest with her about my emotional state as I suspect this is more likely to be the cause of dizziness and tiredness. So I have not been diagnosed with prenatal depression yet but it wouldn't come as a surprise if that is the outcome next week.
Since facing up to this I have been a bit better. I still feel quite lost and very down on myself but going back to work has been a welcome distraction.
I couldn't decide if I was going to write this blog as it is extremely personal and I never like to bring this sort of attention to myself and certainly do not want anyone to treat me any different. But the purpose of these posts are to give an honest account of my pregnancy and hopefully help other people going through similar things. Prenatal depression is more difficult to recognise than post natal as people ignore their feelings and put it down to pregnancy hormones and scientists think it is more common than the 1 in 10 official stats.
If just one person reads this and can relate to the thoughts and feelings and therefore gets help and a diagnosis then it is worth it. Pregnancy should be an amazing experience that you should embrace and not feel like a chore and something you want to get out of the way. Even writing this blog has made me feel a bit better.
One last point is that you are only as strong as the support you have and my husband has been incredible throughout. A year ago one sight of me crying and he would get mum over to sort me out or just "get out of my way" and go out somewhere for the day. But he has just said all the right things and done exactly what I need him to do which most of the time is just give me a hug.
I had my blood tests done today for anaemia and diabetes but I suspect they will come back negative.
Will update you next week.
Happy new year
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
It began around the beginning of December. My 4 year old daughter seems to have become possessed. She started playing up and has gotten naughtier by the day. It started with her saying no to everything and refusing to do anything we tell her such as getting dressed, eating her dinner or simply not answering back to us. This progressed and she started being a smart arse with us saying things like "I don't have to do that if I don't want to" and "you can't tell me what to do". She has basically turned into a stroppy teenager overnight. We are yet to find a punishment that works on her, she just seems to be completely emotionless toward anything we implement. At the moment she has had most of her Christmas presents confiscated and has to earn them back through good behaviour but she doesn't seem at all bothered by this. I could go on and on about the ways she is naughty and the awful things she has said and done over Christmas but I simply couldn't fit it into this one blog. To sum it up on Christmas morning while opening her gifts she whispered to me with a smug smile "Santa obviously didn't know I have been a naughty girl, I got away with it".
Anyway as a result of this bad behaviour and my lack of control over her I started to get very stressed and became very worried about my blood pressure as I was having dizzy spells, one day I lost complete balance for the best part of a day and could only walk to the left... Also my tiredness had reached a point that I did not experience with my first pregnancy. Then when I started being violently sick I knew I had to sort it out. So I went to the midwife who booked me in for a glucose tolerance test. I pointed out that I thought maybe it was more to do with anaemia as I had looked it up and seemed to have all the symptoms, also with my lack of appetite it was to be expected. So she booked me in to have that tested too.
However, since that visit my well being deteriorated even more and from boxing day to new years day I couldn't go through 24 hours with having a meltdown. I cried so hard and the only thing to stop me was if someone popped over to see me as I didn't want anyone to see me like that as it would lead to questions I could not answer. Such as why was I crying? at first I didn't know but the more I was left with my thoughts the darker I spiralled and had some awful thoughts. The main theme being that I was a terrible mother for bringing my daughter up to be acting in such an awful way. She spoke to me like dirt and I started to think that maybe I deserved it. Over the festive period many people had ideas and opinions on how I should be handling her which just worked to firm up this idea in my head that everyone thinks I am an awful mum. These thoughts then led on to my unborn baby and the fact that I shouldn't be having him. If I couldn't handle my daughter it was simply not fair to bring another baby into the world for me to mess up.
Among these awful thoughts was an overwhelming feeling of utter hopelessness and despair. I just wanted to withdraw from everything around me and shut myself in my bedroom alone for a really long time. These are feelings I have felt before and deep down I knew what was really going on.
Meanwhile, it didn't take long for my husband to figure that something was not right. New years eve was the climax of my breakdown as I saw the new year in alone in floods of tears. I had insisted that my husband go out with his mates as I didn't feel much like celebrating. He really didn't want to leave me but I practically forced him out. I was supposed to have a girls night with my daughter, eating chocolate and playing games but by this point summer had not only pushed every boundary with me but she had even taken to refusing to talk to me as she hated me. So she was put to bed for bad behaviour and I saw in the new year alone feeling really sorry for myself.
New years day my husband confronted me properly and said he had been online and strongly suspected I had prenatal depression. Deep down I had already worked this out but didn't want to face it. I was diagnosed with very mild depression last year and stopped my medication when I fell pregnant. I thought I had been coping well but it is time for a reality check - I am not well.
I have my next midwife appointment next week and plan to be honest with her about my emotional state as I suspect this is more likely to be the cause of dizziness and tiredness. So I have not been diagnosed with prenatal depression yet but it wouldn't come as a surprise if that is the outcome next week.
Since facing up to this I have been a bit better. I still feel quite lost and very down on myself but going back to work has been a welcome distraction.
I couldn't decide if I was going to write this blog as it is extremely personal and I never like to bring this sort of attention to myself and certainly do not want anyone to treat me any different. But the purpose of these posts are to give an honest account of my pregnancy and hopefully help other people going through similar things. Prenatal depression is more difficult to recognise than post natal as people ignore their feelings and put it down to pregnancy hormones and scientists think it is more common than the 1 in 10 official stats.
If just one person reads this and can relate to the thoughts and feelings and therefore gets help and a diagnosis then it is worth it. Pregnancy should be an amazing experience that you should embrace and not feel like a chore and something you want to get out of the way. Even writing this blog has made me feel a bit better.
One last point is that you are only as strong as the support you have and my husband has been incredible throughout. A year ago one sight of me crying and he would get mum over to sort me out or just "get out of my way" and go out somewhere for the day. But he has just said all the right things and done exactly what I need him to do which most of the time is just give me a hug.
I had my blood tests done today for anaemia and diabetes but I suspect they will come back negative.
Will update you next week.
Happy new year
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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