The Painted Woman

Love them or loathe them most people have an opinion on tattoos.

I have always loved them and actually think I have an addiction.

I had my first tattoo when I was 18, it is a hummingbird on my right shoulder blade. I didn't tell anyone I was having it and didn't even go prepared. I just knew I really wanted one and that inspiration would hit me in the shop. I wasn't even nervous, just very excited.
So in I went with my passport at hand (for ID) and little did I know I had been lucky enough to get an appointment with someone who was renowned for his talent in this field. It was in Trollspeil in Guildford.

It came out really well and in my opinion didn't hurt at all. At the pub that night no one believed it was real and someone even tried to scratch it off - now that did hurt.

I wanted another straight away but decided to wait otherwise where would it stop...

So after I got married I treated myself to the next tattoo which was of a beautifully detailed rose at the base of my spine. Again, it didn't hurt and came out really well. This was done in Tattooland in Woking and was actually very expensive in comparison to other places but there was no waiting list so that was enough for me.

The next one I had was on my wrist of a big blazing sun (in black ink) and my daughters date of birth. Her name is Summer so it seemed fitting. This one was not the best experience and I later found out why. It was at a place in Reading and was a complete impulse buy. About two weeks after having my baby my husband and I were visiting his work colleagues in Reading to have a coo over the baby. On our way we passed the tattoo parlor and I decided at that moment to get it done. What I wasn't aware of is that you shouldn't have a tattoo so soon after having a baby as your hormones etc can affect the ink.
It scabbed over quite badly and when the scab cleared up the tattoo was patchy and the ink clearly hadn't taken on patches of my skin. It just looks quite blurry. I do intent to have this corrected at some point but not yet got around to it.

The next was after I had my son a couple of years ago. I waited about a year after the birth and had his name 'Dexter' written very delicately on my other wrist. This one was done by a lovely young guy at Sins n Needles in Aldershot (http://sinsnneedles.co.uk/). It was quick, painless and very well priced. which is why I went back a year later to get the biggy done.
I have always wanted a big tattoo or half a sleeve done but was not quite brave enough until I came across a gorgeous lace piece that flowed across the back. I found it on a google image search and was compelled to book in as soon as I could. Emma Thorne was the girl for the job and what a job she did. It is like patches of lace stitched together draped from my left shoulder all the way across to my lower right side. The detail is incredible and it was three hours of freehand work.
I was nervous about the freehand aspect but I needn't have been. She truly is skilled in her art. I would recommend her to anyone. (https://www.facebook.com/emmathornetattoo)

On later reflection I decided that I would like some additions to the lace which I have not sorted out yet. I suffer from psoriasis and at the moment I have a few patches on my back which makes me too self conscious to go and have it worked on at the moment. Once it starts to calm down again i will go back in.

So that is my tattoo history so far...

I love my tattoos and, contrary to what my dad said when he saw my first one at age 18, I will never regret them as they are part of me and tell stories from parts of my life. It is like artwork on my skin that I am always proud to show off.

I plan to have more but it is finding the right pieces/ ideas that have meaning to me. I am still not ruling out a half sleeve too.

What are your opinions on tattoos? Turn on or turn off?

Stuck In The Middle With Kat

Someone recently said to me "you always seem to be caught in the middle of situations, not sure how you cope" and quite honestly it hadn't occurred to me until that moment, my friend was completely right.

It got me thinking about how that happens as the situations all differ and the relationships I have with those people all differ; some are close friends, some acquaintances, some are friends of friends, some are family, some are colleagues and on occasion it is people I barely know at all. On a night out I have been known to go out for a cigarette and end up staying there for an hour while I try to help some random stranger in need of advice.

Which leads me to my point, why is this the case?
Do I have a kind face, do I give good advice, is it my calm un-phased demeanor and ability to not judge people and remain unbiased, or is it simply that I put myself in that position by being nosy and assuming I can solve all the worlds problems?

Or is it for a completely different reason altogether. I like to help people and particularly like the buzz I get from making people happy so perhaps I seek out problems to fix. On further thinking it is not a completely selfless trait as there is a part of me that wants to be needed and I want to feel that people rely on me. Perhaps even a call for help that no one ever answers.

In previous blogs I have described my depression and how I have bouts of despair and unhappiness. I think it is this part of me that enables me to see despair in other people. I can recognise the false smiles and am never fooled by the "I'm fine" responses which leads me to push deeper. When I am at my lowest I am always left disappointed at the lack of support from other people. I am longing for someone to see through my fake smile and force me to accept a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen without having to actually ask for help.
Of all the people I have ever known there are only two people that recognise this in me and see that I am starting to fall and that is my dad and a work colleague. Funnily enough those two people also suffer from depression so perhaps it is a secret code that only we see.
That is not to say my husband, family and friends are not supportive as that really isn't the case. I have some amazing people around me but unfortunately they don't see it until I have fallen deep into a slump.

So I have come to the conclusion that I get myself in the middle of people and their problems for three reasons:
1 - I genuinely want to help people and make everyone around me happy.
2 - Hoping that one day I will do this for someone who will do the same for me - searching for a like-minded person that I could use as a crutch in the future.
3 - I quite often have this feeling inside me of loneliness and if left with my thoughts for too long I will over-think and over-analyse stuff so getting involved in other peoples problems is a great distraction.

I don't think this is unhealthy and hopefully I have helped people along the way so perhaps this is one of those win win situations.

Pushy Parent

My daughter is 6 years old and, in my completely biased view, is quite talented.
I know a lot of people think that about their kids but she genuinely does have a sparkle.

Since she could talk she has sang and since she could walk she has danced. I thought this was quite normal and took no notice but promised that when she started school I would enroll her in some classes of her choice which ended up being ballet.

During her first term at the dance school they were putting on an inaugural show which she was delighted to be a part of. There were plenty of rehearsals and extended dance classes in preparation and when show night came I was amazed at the scale of it. They performed Cinderella with a cast of varying levels and ages and it took my breath away.
Summer, my daughter, only had a small part but I was so proud of her for getting up on the stage so fearlessly while hundreds of eyes watched on. She looked so tiny but I could see the exhilaration on her face. After the show she was beside herself with excitement saying that she loved the stage and wanted to be on there every night.

It has been a year since that show and she still attends the dance classes and has really come a long way in her ballet technique. She will dance around the house and in the supermarket and up the street (basically anywhere she can find the space) and it makes my heart melt every time.

Along with the dancing is her singing which has really crept up on me. After watching the new Disney film 'Frozen' she bought the soundtrack and spent the recent half term holidays acting out the film alongside the soundtrack. I am still amazed at how quickly she learns the words to songs and the passion she will sing with and all at the age of 6!

People often comment on her lovely voice and suggest she should be on the stage but I am not sure if I should push her or wait until she is older and more mature to take it seriously.
I looked into stagecoach which does the singing, dancing and acting but it is a bit out of my price range. There are other possibilities to get her more involved in this area but as always it is an investment so I will only let her do it if she is serious.

She watches the voice and Britain's Got Talent and tells me that she would love to go on that one day. She has even asked if it would be ok to make up and sing her own songs!

I am very careful to not be a pushy parent and blindly persuade my daughter she has real talent but there is no denying that she has got something and with the right training could go far. This is not a phase or something that she will lose interest in. From the age of 2 she was begging to be on stage with the performers during our annual Haven holidays.

I think I will investigate some local drama groups and see how she gets on. The minute she stops having fun we will stop. Watch this space as I think a star has been born.