Accidental hobby

I have inadvertently taken up oil painting.
Yep, that is right, due to a slight misunderstanding at Christmas I acquired all the gear so I thought "why not"

A friend of mine moved into her new flat last year and showed me the most beautiful canvas paint by numbers that she was doing. I loved the idea of having art on the wall that you had done yourself.

So after a huge house renovation/ extension I have a lovely room that is crying out for some art of just this type. So for Christmas I asked my brother for my own paint by number canvas.

It is still unfinished but this is what I have done so far

On Christmas morning I was presented with an oil painting kit from my husband which confused the hell out of me. To which he replied that my brother had told him about the painting I had asked for and he completely got the wrong end of the paint brush and thought I had wanted to take up oil painting.

Having almost completed my stag picture I decided to give it a good go. Best case I discover a new talent or at least a hobby I enjoy and worst case I have just wasted a bit of paint.

I found an old easel laying around (seriously did) and even found a small canvass unused (why do I have this stuff laying around in my house?). I then found a picture online that I thought looked simple and loved the colours so went about painting.

The first thing I did was to paint the background however I did not know what I was doing so did not use any thinners and just piled the oil directly and thickly to the canvas. I had no idea this would take days to dry...

I then went about completing the tree. It is far from perfect and looks ok if you stand a distance away but I am really pleased with my first attempt

I have since been reading up and even got a book on oils, which is one of the more difficult paints to master apparently (typical to start at the highest level). I know all the things I did wrong and have a couple more pictures and techniques I want to try so watch this space.
The biggest problem is now finding time to do it

Photo therapy during austerity

If you read my last post you may well be wondering what on earth photo therapy (light treatment) is. Well let me explain.

Light therapy, also known as photo therapy, is the use of ultraviolet (UV) light for its healing effects. Photo therapy has been used worldwide for nearly a century to treat chronic skin conditions such as psoriasis, vitiligo and severe eczema.
While many treatments decrease the overall immune system, UV light can be used to decrease the local immune system in the skin. In conditions such as psoriasis, light therapy can also slow down the development of thick, scaly skin.

Yesterday I had my induction with the team at Frimley park hospital. After an HOUR trying to park I arrived slightly late for my appointment but was greeted by a lovely nurse who said not to worry.

This nurse then spent the next 45 minutes going through all the information about the therapy, what to expect, do's and don't's etc

There was a lot of information but my biggest take away was that one of the side affects is that there will be an alternation in the skin pigments... in simplified English I will get a tan!!! awesome :)

The light used is similar to those in sunbeds however the amount of UV you get from them is around 20% and in these sessions I will get closer to 80%. I was told I would be having 30 treatments and that most people see significant changes by session 15.
90% of patients respond really well to the treatment and are cured with only a small number returning at a later date.

The nurse then did a patch test where she put this wand of light on my back (a clear bit of skin) and left what I can only explain as a number of mini crop circles of varying redness. Apparently this shows them what level of power my skin will be able to take.

The treatment

Today I went back for my first treatment. I couldn't sleep last night, I was just so excited. This is something I have dreamt about and fought for over the last 6 years so it was a bit like Christmas day.

It only took 40 minutes to park this morning which is so frustrating when I am only going to be in treatment for a few minutes.

I went in and saw the lovely nurse again. She checked the patch test and seemed happy with the result. We discussed the various patches around my body and what standing position I should take in order to reach the most patches of psoriasis. We settles on a weird, legs apart and hold boobs up (I have a patch under my boob). I looked ridiculous.

I was then sent behind a curtain to undress - completely. I adorned my amazing mini goggles and climbed into the machine. The machine, by the way, looks just like an upright sunbed but there is a little window at head height (for the nurses to check on you), also the lights seemed red but this could be the colour tinting from my goggles.

I took my weirdly pre-agreed stance and shouted to the nurse that I was ready. The nurse came in and turned on the machine which got warm very quickly. I just kept thinking of all the other psoriasis riddled people who had stood here before me and shuddered at the thought (not to self, take sanitiser next time).

No sooner had it started than it stopped. 34 seconds!!! 34 bloody seconds, almost doesn't seem worth undressing for. I have been told the time will increase with each visit so probably another week and a half before I make it to 1 minute Lol!

I was then told to dress, sign the form and leave. I walked out of the room a bit rosey cheeked and dishevelled and wondered what the other people in the waiting room thought had just gone on... I always try to guess why people are there when in a medical waiting room, It is a rather morbid guessing game but it keeps me entertained.

My next session is on Monday and then again on Thursday for another 29 sessions. All I can think about though is how to avoid the traffic and parking misery for the next 15 weeks. May need to park miles away and walk in.

This is my arm after 1 session, I will keep a record of the changes over time.

More than just skin deep

I have been MIA from the blogging scene for a while now. This is mainly due to health reasons that have consumed my life lately.
For the first time in about two years I feel like I am winning my personal battle and wanted to start sharing again, so here goes.

The main thing I want to focus on today is my Psoriasis. For those not "in the know" this is a horrible skin condition that causes red, itchy and scaly skin (it is as disgusting as it sounds). Psoriasis affects around 2% of people in the UK. It can start at any age but most often develops in adults under 35 years old, and affects men and women equally. The severity of psoriasis varies greatly from person to person. For some it's just a minor irritation but, for others, it can majorly affect their quality of life. Unfortunately mine is the latter. I am now covered from my head to my toes in these awful looking patches of flakey, red soreness. 

How it began:
It all began in my scalp about 7 or 8 years ago and to be honest, at the time, I just put it down to a reaction to a specific shampoo. When, after changing shampoo, it continues to get worse I knew there was more to it. It looked like dandruff and I would have to avoid wearing black as white skin would drop to my shoulders and cause me embarrassment (still does now).

It stayed just in my scalp for a couple of years until one day (a month after having a giant back tattoo) a patch appeared on the bottom of my back. This very quickly got bigger in size almost overnight and ruined my brand new tattoo that is still not complete yet. From here it spread over my entire body within a few short months. 

How does it feel:
Itchy - 
For the most part I am itchy ALL THE TIME which puts me on edge a lot. I find myself loosing my temper so much quicker that before as I have no tolerance. The evenings are by far the worst as it reaches the kind of itchiness that simply becomes more itchy the more you scratch. I have spent many an evening crying in the bath and eventually going to bed early just so that sleep will put me out of my misery. 
Some of my patches are in places that you cannot be seen to be scratching in public (if you know what I mean) so can be very awkward.

Soreness - 
With the itching comes the soreness and bleeding. To scratch to the point you find blood on your hands is awful as you are literally scratching your skin away and still cannot ease the itchiness. Also I have patches around my trouser waist band so where possible I try to wear leggings as jeans tend to aggravate and rub it. Also around my bra line is so painful so as soon as I get home the bra comes off!

Embarrassing - 
Aside from the physical pain the emotional impact is huge. I no longer have the confidence to go swimming, put on a dress or do anything that will involve me having to come into skin to skin contact with someone. I am always thinking that people are disgusted when they look at me. Like I am the type of person that would put them off their food.
Holidays are the worst - the thought of going to a hot country where I have to wear swimwear and shorts/ tshirts etc fills me with a huge amount of dread.
I usually try to head off the embarrassment by talking about my condition up front. I would just rather people didn't talk behind my back about what I must have so I over compensate and bore the crap out of people with the history of my psoriasis... much like I'm doing here LOL

Even at home I am loathed to let even my husband see my skin. He tells me that he doesn't see it and that he loves me so much it simply doesn't bother him but I just can't help thinking "this isn't what he signed up for", I wasn't this vile when we married etc.

Anyway so as you can see its been a horrible time. To top this off about 5 years ago I began suffering from a condition called psoriatic arthritis. It is basically an arthritis condition that stems from the skin condition. This is mainly located in my feet and when it first started I actually couldn't walk. I need a walking stick to help me get around. I am now on great tablets that have got me back to "almost" normal again ie I can walk but if I walk to far or stand for too long I am in excruciating pain. which means my weight has taken a bit of an uplift as I struggle to find an exercise I can manage.
I digress as this is not the focus today but if you didn't feel sorry for me yet I'm hoping that may have swung it.

Treatment - 
Oh the road of treatment was long and frustrating. Every visit to the doctor would see me come out with yet another ointment, cream, topical treatment that just doesn't work. Well they usually worked for about a week or two and then my skin would end up worse than when I started as it flares up.
I tried plenty of herbal options and even tried dietary things like cutting out dairy - all of which failed.

The thing that would drive me crazy the most is that people are constantly offering up things you should try as it "worked for my friend" (god I have heard that phrase so many times). I know people are trying to help but unfortunately everyone is different and at this point I have tried EVERYTHING.

The thing I wanted more than anything else was light treatment as this is a much more powerful way of tackling it. Every time I went to the doctors and asked I was told that my skin was not bad enough for a referral!!!!

So last year when I was doing everything I could to not rip my own skin off I snapped, marched down to the doctors and demanded they refer me to a dermatologist and I was not leaving until I got my referral. IT WORKED!

I only had to wait 2 months for the dermatologist appointment. She tried to fob me off with more creams until i stopped her mid sentence and explained I was only interested in light therapy and she WAS going to refer me. This was back in November 2018 and today (February 2019) I had my first light therapy treatment.

It may work, it may not but after years of fighting with my GP I have finally got here.

See next blog for details on the light therapy.
See photo below of my arm on day 1 of therapy, I will be keeping a track of these patches over the 30 treatments I am due to have

Four weeks in and still strong

I am now into week 4 of the Cambridge diet and it is going well.
I am still as committed as I was at the start. Don't get me wrong I am not a saint and have had a couple of little cheats:

• I attended a wedding and may have indulged in a few (too many) glasses of red wine
• On my daughters birthday I did have a (small) slice of cake
• Last weekend we went to Thorpe park and I had a KFC 
• Finally I had a very small roast dinner last Sunday.

Not great I know and I am sure Debbie (my weight plan consultant) will read this and tell me off next week but what I am impressed with is the things I have chosen to cheat with. I am no longer craving chocolate, crisps, cakes etc it is really only actual food that I am craving.

The thing I want the most is a slice of toast with peanut butter (this will be the first thing I have when I stop the diet). 

I have learnt that actually the small portioned meals I am allowed do fill me up and this is something I will carry on way beyond this diet. Portion sizes will be so important in keeping the weight off. Also my evening snacking has been actioned completely out of habit and not hunger. Again, this will be another take-away (not that kind of take-away lol) that I hope to continue as part of a new lifestyle.

The biggest difference is my health. I suffer from crippling psoriatic arthritis (mainly in my feet). At one point I couldn't get about without the aid of a walking stick and even took to working from home for a period of time due to the mobility issues.

This is completely gone. To the point that I no longer take the ridiculously strong drugs anymore and have even been discharged from my arthritic consultant as I am simply pain free.

This has enabled me to raise the bar with my exercise and I have even started running which is something that was virtually impossible over the last 5/6 years. I am only averaging 3 miles at a time but I feel so energised and keen to get out and run more.

I am also able to do more at the gym and just want to be active as much as I can.

The weight has not been coming off at the rate I would have hoped but it is still coming off so I am happy. This just proves to me that my metabolism is very slow which would explain why no other half hearted diets or exercise regimes have worked.

This is how my weight has moved:

Started - 13st 11.5lbs

Week 1 - 13st 8.25lbs (3.25 lbs off)

Week 2 - 13st 5.75lbs (2.5lbs off)

Week 3 - 13st 6lbs (0.25lbs on - red wine & cake)

Week 4 - 13st 3.5lbs (2.5lbs off)

Total loss in 4 weeks - 8lbs (over half a stone)

I have only started running in week 4 so I would hope in the coming weeks/ months the running will move things up a notch too.

This week I have had a number of comments telling me it's really starting to show. I can't really see this myself but it's a nice boost and if other people see it then the hard work must be paying off. 

Next week I am getting my measurements done so I will be intrigued to see what I have lost in inches. Onwards and upward.

Cambridge or bust

Any of my regular readers will know the weight struggles I have endured over the last 9 years. I have tried a variety of ways to shift the pounds but nothing has worked. Here is a summary of some of the things I have tried and failed at:

So reaching a desperation point I came across the Cambridge weight plan. I bumped into a friend I hadn't seen for a while who had lost a fair amount of weight. She told me about this weight plan she was trying. She had lost a stone in about a month.

"Perfect" I thought, this could actually be the one that works for me as it is essentially cutting down your calories via shakes and other products and burning off your fat reserves.

I immediately searched for a consultant online and made an appointment.
I met my consultant, Deborah, last week. She explained the plan and we discussed my goals. We then chose my products for the week, I paid and away I went.

Due to some medication I take I can only start from step 2 which means I have a product (shake) for breakfast, another product (I chose another shake) for lunch, a protein type bar for a snack and then a small meal in the evenings. When I say small I really mean small, I can have about 170g of protein (slightly smaller than a chicken breast) and 80g of vegetables or salad (which is smaller than my hand). I must drink a lot of water and I can still have tea and coffee but need to have skimmed milk and sweetener instead of sugar.

Day 1:
The first day was hell and I was hungry all the time, It made me realise how much I was picking at things when I got home from work and how quickly the calories must add up. Went to bed early to get over the feeling of hunger.




Day 2:
Even harder but was enjoying the shakes. I spread them throughout the day a bit better and even held off having my breakfast shake until 10am which helped.

Day 3:
Getting easier but the cravings for bread or crisps are very powerful. I found having a cup of tea helped stave off the hunger.

Day 4:
Feeling really pleased with myself for doing so well with no cheating. This feeling is keeping me motivated. Also getting irritated at the amount I need to pee due to the water intake.



Day 5:
The weekend!! this was hard. Being at home surrounded by food is tough. So I kept busy and even cleared the cupboards out of all the junk food. I boxed up all the sweet treats and put them out of sight which has helped keep away the temptation.

Day 6:
Took the kids out and stopped at Costa, the kids were hungry and wanted a sandwich. I cannot believe I was strong enough to only get a black coffee and watch the kids eat in front of me with no temptation, not even when my daughter couldn't finish hers. I simply put it straight in the bin whereas usually I would have just eaten the leftovers.

Day 7:
That is today. Still going strong even with cookies sat next to me at work. I am looking but not touching. I am getting weighed tonight so will be the moment of truth. I am really nervous about this. If I have worked this hard and only lost a pound or two that will be hard to swallow !?! and will be difficult to keep motivated.

A couple of extra things to mention is how bloody great I feel. I suffer from psoriatic arthritis and usually have swollen feet, I cannot walk too far without them hurting. However right now my feet are not even remotely swollen and my feet are pain free which is unheard of especially after a busy weekend.
I am sleeping better and my head feels clearer and sharper. I have not taken an anti-depression tablet for over a week now and still feel great.
Finally, I think the reason this works for me is due to the support from my consultant. She has been incredibly supportive and I know she is there if I start to struggle.

Anyway, enough babbling. Fingers crossed for the weight in tonight. Will updated tomorrow.

***UPDATE****
So I lost 3.25 lbs. This is slower than both myself and the consultant were expecting but its still a bigger loss in a week than I have achieved doing anything else. Deborah has advised that I may be a slow starter and may see bigger losses over time.

I am still happy with this loss though because if I did the same for the next 4 weeks that is almost 1st in a month and the health improvements are amazing and very unexpected.

A clumsy farewell

In my current workplace situation there are a number of people leaving before my final departure which fills me with dread.
Yes, I will miss most of them and yes, I have enjoyed their company and yes, I wish them well in their next move. The dread actually surrounds the ALWAYS clumsy and awkward farewell.

The easiest goodbye's come after a number of drinks at the leaving party in the local pub. There are hugs and platitudes galore - promises to stay in touch and meet up regularly which, most of the time, just translates to adding each other on facebook.

The goodbye's that I dread are the ones in the office. Maybe they are leaving mid-week, maybe they are not having leaving drinks or maybe I can't attend the leaving drinks, whatever the reason this is by far the worst of all.

I will spend all day reminding myself to ensure I make the gesture before I leave the office. I have, on a few occasions, got so wrapped up in myself that I forgot and just left the office normally only realising the following work day that I neglected to wish them well - these are the people that don't add me on facebook!
I also try to come up with a witty goodbye gesture ahead of time so that I am prepared. The worst part is that your awkwardness is witnessed by all your colleagues which just magnifies how uncomfortable you are as you hug this departing colleague even though you have probably never even touched before this day.

Since the relocation announcement of my company there are 7 of us now leaving. Unfortunately I will be the very last out of the door so have to endure 6 awkward goodbye's!

We are two down now and the first wasn't too bad, we had drinks the previous Friday but it was a following mid-week leaving. So at my leaving time I scuttled over, clammy hands and all, wished him well and had the obligatory hug. This one wasn't too bad as the colleague in question really has been one of my favourites and I was genuinely sad to see him go so no faking needed to come into play - facebook added.

The next was one of my favourite routes of goodbye's - the disappearing act. This colleague hasn't been here very long but sits across from me so have got to know him pretty well in a short space of time. I was thinking of what I may say when I popped out to get my lunch and when I returned there was an empty chair. He scarpered, went home sick. He didn't even leave an email to say goodbye, just ran off in the night (lunchtime actually but that doesn't have the same ring). So I am sad in some respects as he didn't say goodbye to me, the face he has had to stare at for the last eight months, but grateful in another as he has saved me from an awkward rambling of goodbye's and "we must meet up" (which is my go to in situations like this).

So four more to go before the worst of all which will be mine when I will have to endure the awkwardness 15 - 20 times over as I say goodbye to all those that will make the effort. I like the disappearing act option. The dread is rising just thinking about it.

Time for a career change

I have worked at my company for almost 15 years... yes that's right 15 years.
When I began at the very young age of 18 it was just a job, something to provide me with money and perhaps an extended set of friends but nothing more.

The company itself specialises in reputation (or media) analysis which usually leaves people staring blankly at me uttering the now famous words "oh, ok that sounds...interesting". In a nutshell (and in no way doing this industry justice) we track and measure the effectiveness of communication activity and what impact it really makes to the company - so is your PR/ Marketing actually doing what it should be. In a recent job interview the MD of a marketing agency said "wow, it's amazing what these companies will pay for" which I smiled politely to as I wanted the job but in all honesty I was a little hurt.

Over time I began to see this more as a career and became quite ambitious to great effect. Several promotions later I became the youngest Account Manager in the history of the company and went on to win a platinum industry award (first platinum the company had ever won).

I have learnt so much about the media, communications and business strategies. For example I could tell you which countries have the most censored press or which messages McDonald's are trying to get you (the public) to believe in.
The biggest part of my job that I have loved is the exposure to some really quite impressive clients and people, it's not everyday you are told that your report was shown to the Home Secretary for example. Our CEO was also an incredibly remarkable woman who had such gravitas in the communications world and I had the absolute fortune to learn from her first hand. She was one of those women that you instantly respected and wanted to please. She climbed the ladder in a period where this was really a mans world and showed everyone that women could do just as well if not better.

Anyway I digress, this all underpins the reason my latest decision has been an incredibly difficult one. We were told in November that our Godalming office will be closing down and that we will be relocating to the head office in Moorgate, London. This wouldn't happen until February this year so we had some time to think about our options. Voluntary redundancy was dangled in front of me and two weeks ago, after spending Christmas flipping from one decision to another, I decided it was time to leave.

My leaving has been met with a really flattering response - some in denial that it's happening, others hysterically trying to compute who will take on my extensive workloads, some are really happy for me and one or two haven't even acknowledged the fact. I agreed to stay until the end of February so there has been plenty of time to think and regret but something has changed in me. I am suddenly thriving on the idea of a new challenge, learning new skills, really getting my teeth into a new role and carving out a new version of me - a more mature me.

I am really keen to move into the Digital Marketing world and am taking steps to make this happen. Getting back up to speed with social media being a first start ie blogging again :)
I am also looking at enrolling to complete a Marketing diploma which is so exciting.

I have a rush of so many emotions on a daily basis, nervous and sad to be leaving behind a huge part of my life but this is by far outweighed by the excitement I feel for the endless possibilities ahead of me. I know I can achieve anything I put my mind to and that I am the only person stopping me so onward and upward... either that or I will be penniless by the end of the year and begging to come back to my current role ;)

Wish me luck!