The last hurdle

Well it has been an eventful week.
On Monday I went to the hospital again for another scan. The baby has got bigger but the growth has slowed a bit so the diabetic diet is helping. The computer estimated that the baby is about 8lbs 6oz... and I still had 2.5 weeks to go.
Thankfully my prayers were answered when they said the magic words... "we will induce you early". In fact I am due to go in on Monday (in 4 days time).

Although it is only 1.5 weeks early it is such a relief. It is really nice to be able to tell Summer how many sleeps it is too. Also we can plan for childcare for my daughter. As I go in at 10am we will drop her at preschool as usual and her nanny will pick her up later and take care of her until my husband can get home.

So because of this new due date I left work unexpectedly on Tuesday. Thankfully I had prepared almost everything anyway so I just had a few loose ends to tie up. Actually leaving felt like a bit of an anti climax though. With the short notice I appreciate that I couldn't have the usual send off that my company usually puts together but it just felt really flat. I came in that morning and my boss said that she hadn't told anyone it was my last day as she thought I would want to do it myself. So...how exactly do you go about announcing your own last day....? I picked the easy option and bought chocolates accompanied by an email saying "chocolates in the kitchen as it is my last day, help yourself".
One nice touch was that the CEO was in our London office but still made the effort to call and wish me well which was a nice touch. I don't know, maybe I was expecting too much but I was struck with disappointment.

Anyway, today is day two of my maternity leave and I am going stir crazy already. Its not helped by the fact that my back and pelvic bones are in agony so any kind of walking is excruciatingly painful which rules out doing quite a bit. Other than watching TV. Virgin Media are coming shortly to install my new Tivo box which will keep me occupied.

Last week I visited an old school friend who has very kindly given me loads of baby boys clothes. I have just finished sorting them into ages and ironed them all so I am totally ready. Oh except for my birth plan which I have seemingly overlooked and have not filled in. For anyone that doesn't know a birth plan is just information you keep in your pregnancy book (which you must take to all appointments during your pregnancy). It outlines the way you would ideally like your labour & birth to go including the drugs you want, permission for the vitamin K injection, water or normal birth, etc. I must fill this in today for two reasons: Firstly, last time I was given pethidine which made me violently sick so I am planning to avoid it this time and secondly, I would like the baby cleaned before being passed to me. Yes, this is actually an option and one that I feel a bit guilty about but the babies do come out covered in blood and gunk which i would just rather not cuddle up to. So they quickly whisk them off and towel clean the gunk off first which is great.

At the beginning of my pregnancy we asked my big sister if she would like to be my birthing partner (alongside phil). She has been unable to give us an answer until yesterday as I think she was quite nervous about the thought of it. She has decided that she is going to be there which will be really nice and will give her a special bond with her nephew. It will also be nice for my husband to have some back up if he needs to take a break as it can go on for a very long time (36 hours with my daughter).

Today for the first time I have felt the fear. I am all of a sudden nervous about the birth but excited all at the same time.

So the next blog I write will be the big one!!!! Wish me luck and I will see you on the flip side with photos.

36+ weeks

Since I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes it has been hectic with hospital appointments. First I had to go visit the dietitian. She didn't tell me a huge amount that I hadn't already read in the leaflets they gave me. I have been using the home testing kit 4 times a day every day and am starting to get used to it now. I have to prick my finger and put the blood on a strip which then gives me a reading of the sugar levels in my blood. I am controlling it quite well with my diet.

Last week I had to go to see the consultant and the diabetic consultant. It does concern me when you visit them in the hospital as they just don't have enough time to really check your notes. This was proved when both consultants pointed out that the glucose test was done very late in my pregnancy and couldn't understand why. So I had to explain that this was actually the second test which was done as a result of a late scan showing the huge growth of my baby. It just worried me that they may be missing other things...
Also they have booked me in for another scan next week and I asked if the baby is still on the huge side would they then decide to induce me early to which I was told that early induction would only happen as a result of my sugar levels from my blood tests! Trouble is I do not have a problem with my sugar levels as they themselves have told me. This is all down to the size of the baby so I am none the wiser, all i do know for sure is that they will not let me go over my due date.

I have picked up some kind of chesty cough which has made for a really uncomfortable few days with very little sleep. every time I cough I pull all the muscles in my stomach. At night my coughing fits always leads me to have to get up for a wee too.
Today has been a particularly bad day and I have half expected to go into labour any minute. I have no energy at all, extreme pain in my lower back and odd sensations in my stomach. The nausea seems to have kicked in again which is not good when, due to the diabetes, I cannot skip any meals. I don't know if labour is imminent but I can definitely feel that my body is getting ready.
It would certainly make for a lovely mothers day gift this weekend.

The toughest part is that I am still at work. I thought I could cope fine but this week has been really hard. I have practically emptied my desk and handed all my projects over to other people so I am really just waiting it out. A couple of people in my office are really scared that I will go into labour at my desk and they will have to do something. I do keep pointing out that if that happened I would slope out of the office and drive myself home which they find incredible. Needless to say I think TV and films have a lot to answer for in  this respect as they give the wrong impression of what really happens

So next week is I have another scan and I will hopefully know more then about possible early induction. Watch this space. I may even be less grumpy and poorly next week too.

XXXX

Glucose tolerance results

So i had to fast from last night which was particularly difficult when you cannot even have a heartburn tablet which i have become incredibly dependent on. This morning began with having to drink the disgusting glucose drink which is lemon flavour and really sickly. This has to be drunk exactly 2 hours before the blood test and you must drink it within 5 minutes. The most difficult part is actually just keeping the drink down because if you throw it up you cannot have the test.

I go in to have my blood test at Frimley hospital and realise just what a wimp i am. You would think i could have a blood test without wincing after the amount i have had but no. I am told to go and eat something and come back in an hour. After a not too bad toasted sandwich i go back and am quickly told the test is positive so i must wait to speak to the diabetic specialist.

The specialist explains everything to me and explains that this is only a temporary condition and will stop as soon as I have had my baby. She hands me a very scary looking self testing kit and goes on to explain I have to prick the tip of my finger and process the blood through the machine 4 times a day.

On Thursday I am seeing the dieticien as they think it can be controlled via my diet rather than resorting to insulin shots.

On Monday I will see the consultant again who will review my weeks worth of glucose measurements that I have to log in a little diary.

I have been told that at this stage they cannot say for sure if they will induce me early but they can commit to saying they will not let me go over my due date. The next few weeks they will be keeping a close eye on me and the size of my baby (I may even have another scan) and make a decision on my induction date soon so watch this space.

In the meantime no chocolate for me, healthy eating is a must and 3 meals a day is also a must. I have even substituted the sugar in my tea with sweetener which really doesn't taste the same. The upside to revamping my diet is that by the time I have had this baby I will be used to it and can continue the diet alongside my bootcamp and generally get back into proper shape which I find really exciting.

On a side note I, in no way, see this as an awful thing as I am completely aware that of all the things that can go wrong in pregnancy this is not even close to the bad stuff. I watch one born every minute and last weeks episode was a real reminder of how lucky I am and that I shouldn't moan so much. The episode in question touched upon stillbirths and it was just what I needed to kick me out of my spiralling grump about heartburn, aches & pains, sleep deprivation and lack of most pleasures (alcohol, cigarettes and now chocolate). Sometimes you need a slap in the face like that to realise what you have and how good you have got it.

In Jerry Springer style here is my thought of the day - No matter how bad you think things are there is always someone out there going through worse than you.

Perhaps a change of plan

It has been a busy couple of weeks starting with a lovely long weekend break to Butlins and ending in a worrying hospital appointment.

I will run through things in order and firstly tell you about our lovely weekend away. It was important for us to have a break but more importantly was to spend some quality one on one time with my daughter before she has to share us with her brother. Butlins was the perfect choice and did the job perfectly. We ended up talking an awful lot about the impending addition to our family (bought up by Summer who is really excited)
There were only two downsides and that was that I had to squeeze into a swimming costume - something that no one should see at 33 weeks pregnant! and the walking. Our apartment was so far from the main complex it was a struggle to walk that far for me. I had also managed to throw my back out the day before we left which made for quite a bit of discomfort over the weekend.

When we got back I managed to pick up a chest infection so have been struggling more than usual to breathe and coughing so hard with such a weak pelvic floor brings its own dangers in public. For anyone that didn't understand that last bit you will have to look up the term pelvic floor as I am not going to explain here and embarrass myself any more.

So on Friday I had a 34 week scan thanks to my obesity! It was a bit strange as it was hard to work out which part of the baby we were looking at. It took ages as they seemed to measure absolutely everything. His head was so far down that i had to be tilted practically upside down just to get the baby to move his head. All of his organs were in good order but I did notice that on the computer screen it said my estimated due date was the 19th March which is odd as I am actually due on the 6th April. I asked the sonographer about it and she explained that my due date hadn't changed it was just an estimate based on the measurements that the computer automatically updates.

After the scan I went into my appointment with the consultant who made things much clearer. Basically my baby boy is currently huge! Based on the measurements he is almost 7lbs already but we have another 6 weeks to go (should be about 4-5lbs at this stage). This is most commonly due to gestational diabetes or just down to the fact that some people just breed big babies. Because of my previous diabetes test being borderline negative they need me to take it again. I am doing this tomorrow morning. If it is positive (which i will also find out tomorrow) I will be straight into the diabetic clinic in the afternoon and will begin to discuss options. Hopefully it can just be sorted out via diet. If the test comes back negative I have to go back on Friday to discuss options with the consultant as at this rate of growth it would be too dangerous to go full term.
So it seems that whatever happens tomorrow I am more than likely going to be induced early. That will be strange as they will actually book me in so I will know when my baby is coming. I am trying not to second guess what is going to happen but my gut is telling me I will be induced about 2 weeks earlier than my actual due date. I will need to review a few things such as when I finish work.
I also packed my hospital bag today so I am now officially ready to meet my baby boy whenever that will be.

I will blog about the test results tomorrow! wish me luck.

Under 8 weeks to go

Well I am on the home stretch which is brilliant. The only downside is that I am starting to feel really bad again as in the morning sickness is back.
I have a whole new set of ailments to complain about now. The main gripe is the pain I am getting in my pelvic bones... ouch! I read up and apparently it is just my bones softening and readying themselves for the labour but it just feels like someone has kicked me between the legs and I have loads of bruising. It mainly hurts the most after I have been sitting for too long and try to get up, i walk away from my desk looking like John Wayne. I am in too much pain to even be embarrassed by it!
Also I seem to be suffering from horrendous circulation issues in my legs. I wake up in the night and cannot feel whatever side of my leg I am laying on so have to turn over to regain feeling again. Turning over is a massive struggle in itself as I am just so heavy....
Then we move onto the movements of the baby. As there is hardly any room in there now all movements are magnified and I not only feel it but can now see it. The other day I even spilt some water from the force as I had it resting on my tummy. The motions of these movements actually make me feel a bit nauseous and can sometimes really hurt. On the other side of it though it does come with huge reassurances that the baby is healthy and things are going fine. What I love the most is that the baby really responds to my daughters voice. She sings to him sometimes and he moves erratically every time, it is so special to see and is helping my daughter to bond already.

The swelling in my ankles and feet seem to have stopped so that is nice but the heartburn is becoming quite unbearable. I am living on Tums and am pretty sure I am consuming more than the recommended dose. Someone told me that severe heartburn is a sign of your baby having lots of hair and this was proved right when my daughter was born so looks like I am having another hairy one!

The tiredness is really hitting home now and more so because I am up so many times in the night either with having to lug my huge body onto its other side or just needing the loo as baby is on my bladder.

At my last midwife appointment she did tell me that the baby is head down and very low. I took this to mean the baby is getting into position and I should prepare myself that he could be making an early appearance but I think that may be wishful thinking,

I do feel much more prepared now as we got the cot and changing unit out of the garage and cleaned it all up. The equipment is all set up in Summers room now and I even put the bedding on the moses basket and cleaned up the old rocking chair I had for night feeds with Summer. I have bought lots of clothes, vests, bibs, socks, hats, blankets etc. We have sorted out some of our finances in preparation for my maternity leave also.

I am definitely winding down on the work side of things. I had a client meeting up in London last week which absolutely wiped me out so I have pretty much ruled out anymore client visits now. I have now given official notice of my leaving date and am using up outstanding holiday by working only 4 day weeks from this week which will help loads with my tiredness.

We are off to Butlins this Friday for a long weekend away. Both my husband and I thought it was important to give our daughter just one last weekend away where it is all about her and get that quality time in. It will also do us all some good to get away for a few days and have a change of scenery. My daughter has really turned a corner and has grown up a bit more. She really tries to look after me and is always making sure I am alright. She tries to help me wherever she can and is really making me proud. The other night she slept in our bed and I was suffering with pains in my back so she insisted on scratching my back to try to help me sleep. She is only 4 so to be showing that amount of compassion is pretty incredible at her age.

Next week I think I will pack my hospital bag and that is the last thing on my to do list (other than the birth that is). I just need to remember what I should pack but I am pretty sure I will find helpful lists online.

Until next time
XXXXXXXX

Week 30 - getting inpatient

As I enter my 30th week I am really starting to feel it. The babies movements are becoming quite intense and if I look hard enough I can almost figure out which body part is pushing out (usually feet or elbows).
My ankles have still not started swelling up badly but they really do hurt at the end of the day. The heartburn is back too with avengance. There are so many ailments that I can't even be bothered to list them. The final physical problem is the ever increasing bump which seems to grow every day. I am really struggling now to find any clothes baggy enough and as for walking well... it is well and truly a waddle now.

Work is really difficult as on top of the tiredness and lack of concentration I am simply losing my focus and find myself drifting off in my own thoughts at my desk making baby plans, thinking about what I still need to buy, what I should be packing in my hospital bag and generally counting down the days till I leave.
This has all been made so much easier lately as my best friend now works with me so it is great to have her additional support and having three children of her own she completely gets it all.

My depression has been up and down over the last couple of weeks. One thing I am sure of, however, is that it is triggered mainly by my daughters misbehaviour. We started doing star charts and a reward system for good behaviour which seems to be doing the trick and it has made for a more pleasant home life.
The last week has been stressful with an ever increasing workload, deadlines, tiredness and a few bouts of paranoia so my mood has taken some dips. I can see when it is happening though and try to pull myself out - which I am able to do at the moment without medication so its all good.

We booked a holiday for next month, just going to Butlins for a long weekend but it is a getaway which will do us all good and give summer some quality time before the baby comes.

Last weekend we got the cot and changing unit out of the garage and it is all set up now in Summers room. She is so excited about having her brother in the room with her. I feel a bit of relief that we are pretty much ready now. I really only need to pack my hospital bag but I will wait another few weeks before I do this. I also got loads of boys clothes from a charity shop.
My mum also found a fantastic bargain of a pushchair which we have bought together so I am really pleased as this was the only thing I wanted brand new.

Anyway seeing the midwife again next week and then I have a final scan on the 24th Feb.

Third Trimester - 28 weeks

Wow - the response I had after last weeks post was very overwhelming and unexpected. I think above all it hit a familiar note with many people and some friends were very surprised about how I had kept my feelings hidden (comes from years of practise).

Anyhow this week things are looking much brighter. I started to feel a bit brighter once I had acknowledged that my depression was creeping back in. Quite often its that first, and difficult step, that is the biggest hurdle. I had a midwife appointment booked in last Friday and had every intention of speak to her about the depression and perhaps even going back onto the medication. My husband came with me for moral support (and I suspect to ensure I didn't chicken out). I found it easier than I had thought to come out with it and contrary to the way I suspected her to react she was incredibly supportive and didn't make me feel like I was just being a drama queen. She agreed that the symptoms sounded as though it was creeping back and was open to putting me back on medication. I, however had a change of heart and decided that I would not take the pills and see how things went for a little while. I went through all the issues I was having with my 4 year old and they agreed it was probably a bit more than temper tantrums and gave me a number for someone at the Health Visitors office.
We agreed that if this was the trigger for my depression this time then it was worth trying to sort it out before medicating.

I also had the results back from my tests and I am pleased to say that I do not have anaemia or diabetes although I am just below the line with the Diabetes and it will be closely monitored. I may have to have the glucose test again but for now I am in the clear.

Another nice thing happened at my appointment and that was that while booking in my next appointment the midwife said (very flippantly) "oh that will be my last day". she continued talking and I had to stop her and ask what she meant. Turns out she is retiring and the lady who I had wrongly assumed was just in the room observing will actually be my new midwife. I was so pleased as I have not really hit it off very well with my current midwife and felt that I haven't had her full attention (may explain why if she is winding down to retirement). Her replacement is lovely and I had an immediate connection and could feel real warmth from her (which is a trait you want from a midwife).

In the meantime I have contacted the health visitor and they are sending someone out to assess my daughter. So that is another thing that may be rectified soon.

My bump has grown quite large now but it is a cute bump, the kind I aspired to have the first time around. The baby kicks and moves all the time now and my daughter has even felt him. We had to explain to her how the baby got in my tummy so we told her that daddy put a seed in my tummy which has grown into a baby. She is very annoyed however that she didn't get to see daddy put the seed in there - she has no idea how lucky she is!!

Reaching 28 weeks is nice as I am now in the third trimester (the home straight). I have started watching the new series of one born every minute and having flashbacks to my first labour. This time though I am not in the least bit frightened or anxious. I'm actually excited... which even I find a bit odd. I think it is because I went through hell the first time with a 36 hour labour I feel like I know what to expect and can therefore enjoy the amazing wonderment that is bringing a new life into the world rather than just panicking about what might happen next... or maybe I am just really excited about meeting my little boy.

The next week or so I will be trying to get sorted with the room and clothes etc as I do think I am completely under prepared.