Second trimester - Dexter Pregnancy

Things are very fast moving in the pregnancy world and the second trimester is probably the quickest part.
I am at 17 weeks now and the itching has begun! I forgot how irritating this could be, I literally itch from head to toe at the most inconvenient times. Mainly when I go to bed or am trying to chill out in the evening. Based on last time around I am hopeful that this won't last long as it has an awful affect on my mood.

The other thing is that I can feel the baby moving (or kicking). At the moment it is very infrequent and I can only really feel it if I am lying still as it is quite faint but that will increase over the coming weeks and will probably be another thing that will keep me awake.

My appetite is getting better although I still have to eat as soon as I am hungry otherwise I go off the thought of eating very quickly. Also when I eat I can only manage tiny portions so it is a case of trying to eat little and often which is better for you anyway. The upside to this is that I have lost half a stone since the beginning of my pregnancy so keeping the babies additional weight and water retention in mind I think I have lost about a stone in total. Not the best way to lose weight I admit but still happy about it all the same.

With so much going on lately I completely missed my first consultant appointment at the hospital last week - whoops. Had to re-arrange for the 11th November, I hope they are not to angry with me when I turn up. I have my second midwife appointment in two days where there will be many more tests (urine, blood etc). I am trying to remember if I will be able to hear the baby's heartbeat at this appointment. I will have to let you know next week.

As I get heavier I am fearing for my back. I have a weak back anyway and have thrown it out on many occasions. During my last pregnancy I threw it out cutting a hedge and I have had the sort of twinges lately that indicate it is struggling. If I walk too far or do too much housework I spend the next day struggling to get out of the chair and walk. Best reason I have ever had to be lazy really!
I will just have to take it easy and be extra careful.

Not long until the second scan now (3.5 weeks) and still no decision made on finding out the sex of the baby. I had decided to go along with my husband and not find out but now he is back tracking and thinks maybe he does want to know. Think I will just let him decide!

The final thing I want to mention this week is maternity clothes. Why on earth can I not find any really nice maternity wear? I love what Emma Willis wears on the telly but god knows where she gets her stuff from as I just cannot find anything that comes close. I may email her management and try to find out. It seems the word frump is very closely associated with maternity. I spend all day yesterday trying to find some suitable trousers for work and couldn't find a thing. I got all excited when I heard H&M do maternity only to be hugely disappointed to find tracksuit type trousers, smock tops and nothing else. I don't want to pay big prices for these clothes as I won't be in them for long but I am starting to think I have no choice. Instead I bought some really big, normal clothes which should get me by for a little while longer.

Anyhow that is it from me. Getting ready for my big 30th birthday party this weekend where I am going to be dressed as a very scary female chucky doll. This will be a real tester of how sociable I can be without alcohol and also if I can actually have fun without drinking... let’s wait and see.

Kat
xxxxx

Mood swings & sex

I haven't written in a while mainly because I have been in a constant bad mood over the last couple of weeks and I refuse to write while in a negative frame of mind as it would just turn into a rant.

There have a been a number of changes over the last few weeks. A weakened bladder is by far the worst of it! Other changes include a bigger bump (really struggling for clothes now), discomfort and cramps in the side of my tummy and cravings.

To top all of this off I have been intensely busy at work and with tasks that require a great deal of thinking, creativity and problem solving. This is becoming a big problem for me as my brain is getting a bit jumbled, my thoughts are much more clouded and not as sharp as they usually are. This in turn causes a great deal of frustration and generally just making myself look stupid!

A lady said to me the other week "I got post natal depression when I had my daughter and I still have it 23 years later" My response - "Oh dear - how old is your daughter". She laughed in my face and I felt so stupid! This is just one example of many.

The main difference between this pregnancy and my last is that I am kind of ignoring that it's happening. The first time around I followed the weekly faetal updates and took on board most of the recommendations from the books etc but this time I really don't have a care in the world. I get a cramp and instead of thinking "oh god what if something is wrong" I actually think "oh great, I'm in that stage already!"

I do think it has been easier this time with much less anxiety and worry. That said, I am still not and will not enjoy it. I really don't get women that say they love pregnancy, I just could totally do without it and have my baby delivered by a stork (think dumbo).

Summer is getting really excited and it is lovely to see. She tells me that she plays mummies at pre-school and shoves a dolly under her jumper. She asks that when the baby is born if she can help feed it, dress it etc. She has also named the baby flower as we thought it would be nice to give it a pre-pregnancy name to make it easier for her. Summer came up with the name flower because the baby is growing like a flower!

She also thinks the baby will come out of my bum! but that is a conversation I will save for another day.

Another nice thing is that although my bump is getting bigger I seem to have slimmed down a bit in other places like my face and many people have commented. This makes me a bit happy, my husband even said that I look really good pregnant which is nice. There is one exception and that is the "funny man" of my office who thinks it is hilarious to tell me daily that I am piling on the pounds!

There is a topic that is starting to worry me a little and that is the sex. NO! not the lack of or too much as your dirty minds would have thought but the sex of the baby. Last time we found out at the second scan that we were having a little girl. This time my husband really doesn't want to know and in some ways I think if he feels that strongly about it then maybe I should give him this one thing and not find out... But I really want to know.
We are at a stalemate with it and I think I may have to be the bigger person and let him win this one. I still have a little while left to make the decision but it does have to be made.

Would you want to know?
Fill in my poll to the right of the page.

Going public and the scan (No more cat analogies!) - Dexter Pregnancy

Last week was quite hectic. I subtly made my news public by sharing my blog. To be perfectly honest it was not until this morning though that any of it has felt real.
I finally had my 12 week scan. Still convinced that I was further along or had multiple babies in my tummy I was mildly surprised to hear that I was in fact 12 weeks and 3 days pregnant and there is only one baby there. It all looks ok, they took blood tests for the downs tests which I will hear back in about 5 days.

We took Summer (my 4 year old) along to the scan as I thought it would be good for her to be involved and see proof that there was a real baby in my tummy as I am not sure she fully believes me. She was mesmerised and more concerned that the scan itself was hurting me.

Leading up to the scan has been somewhat hectic though. Had a variety of events to attend over the weekend, most of which involved people drinking. Friday's leaving drinks for a work colleague was really hard as people smoked all around me and I fought the cravings so hard. I did leave early as it just became too hard. Saturday, however, was a different story. It was my best friends 30th birthday and we went for a meal and some drinks and although I was looking forward to celebrating with my friend the thought of staying out late sober was horrible. The reality was very different, we had such a good night. I haven't laughed so hard for a long time, I even stayed out until 1am!

Monday morning approached and I feel like death. I could use another weekend just to sleep.  The scan this morning made it worthwhile getting up though. I also have my due date now which is the 6th April. It is nice to have something to work too.

Oh, My husband and I have also been disagreeing about finding out the sex at the next scan. I want to but he doesn't. We did find out with Summer and as this will be our last child my husband thinks it would be nice to have the surprise. If he really doesn't change his mind then I will respect his wishes and not find out (as hard as that will be).

Kat
xxxxx

Post pregnancy 13 days old - Summer

Oh my god, its quite amazing how one little person can make you feel. It is nearing the end of two weeks with my lovely Summer and i already cannot imagine life without her. I find it hard to think what my life was like before her. We definately should have done this years ago.
So after i had been stitched up they wheeled me back to the delivery room. Phil was leaving to get a couple of hours sleep and i suddenly felt extremely terrified as they laid this baby on my to feed and i realised i was completely responsible for her. My mum offered to stay with me until phil came back thankfully. As i had had a general anaesthetic i had no feeling from my chest down so she was a godsend and dressed summer for me. I realised i had no idea how to put on a nappy or anything.
They then wheeled me to the ward to join the other new mums. Some family came to see us and my mother in law snuck in a mini bottle of vodka for me but as i was attempting to breast feed i didn't open it. Phil was kicked out at 10pm and i was terrified again as i had to look after her all onmy own for the whole night!!!
It wasn't too bad as the midwives were constantly checking on me as i was immobile and couldn't even pick her up out of her cot. They gave her to me every 3 hours through the night to feed which went ok. The next day i was determined to go home but i wasn't allowed until i had been for a wee and walked (easier said than done). My legs were like jelly but i managed to take myself to the loo although i was terrified that my stitches would burst. By about 3pm they were happy to let me go home as they had done all there checks on the baby and me and everything was fine.
Luckily for us summer is a very good baby who from the first night home slept all the way through from midnight to 6am which was great. Since then we have had a couple of sleepless nights but on the whole she is very good.
The whole of the first week was taken up with visitors. I was doing ok until about the third day and my stitches became very painful. It turned out i had got an infection and had to be put on very strong antibiotics so the first alcoholic drink had to be put on hold. I had done it for 9 months what was another week!! Then on the third night the breastfeeding became excrutiatingly painful. I had never quite felt pain like it, i think i would have rather gone through the labour again than breast fed for any longer. The midwife came the next day and warned me that the fourth day would be the most painful... she was not wrong. I was quite literally having to bite down on a tea towel just to get through it. But it got too much and through the pain of this and the pain in my stitches i was at breaking point and was inconsolable. Phil tried his best to stop me crying but there was nothing he could do. Summer was getting distressed and was obviously not getting enough food which made me even more upset as i felt i was letting her down. Enough was enough, out came the bottles and the steraliser. Straight away summer was a changed baby and far more content. She slept better and was getting into a better routine and best of all i didn't dread having to feed her. I am glad i tried breast feeding though and it obviously wasn't for me. The midwife was really good about it and made me feel much better. I will not be trying it at all next time.
Finally in the last few days i have felt great again and back to my old self. I find myself just watching Summer for hours. She pulls some cracking faces and her smiles just melt my heart (although i suspect it is just wind and not real smiles). She recognises my voice now and is so alert. She is already desperately trying to crawl, her legs are moving her the right way but she hasn't quite got the strength in her arms yet which really frsutrates her. It won't be long before she is on the move. She could hold her own head up the minute she was born so i would definately say she was quite advanced but she comes from good genes so there is no surprise there ; )
Anyway i am afraid this will be the last blog from me! I have a life now and someone to fill it! I have enjoyed sharing my thoughts and will really enjoy reading them back to summer when she is older as i plan to print them into a little book for her. I hope i have not bored any of you too much and thanks for taking the time to read these.
All that is left to say is that i think if you have the oportunity you should definately have kids they are the future and its the most amazing feeling in the world. Before i had her i thought i understood this but the feeling is far too intense to ever explain in words and has to be experienced to be believed. Perhaps i will do more blogs when the next one is on the way!!!
Thanks again and bye!!!

Pregnancy the labour **WARNING GROSS DETAILS** - Summer

Summer is 6 days old.
Sorry this is a bit late but it has been one hell of a week.
Well i went into labour finally on Thursday morning at 6.30. I spent the whole day having contractions. They started to slow down early afternoon so me and my hubby went for a long walk to keep things going.
By about 6-7pm the contractions were about 7 minutes apart so i decided to make my way to my mums house as she lives just down the road from the hospital. The contractions seemed to stay put at 7 minutes apart although the pain was increasing. It was all in my back which is a bit odd. It got so bad that i could barely stand it. They then got to about 5 minutes apart by midnight so we decided to call the hospital. They usually only admit you when they are 3 minutes apart so we had to make it clear that the pain was now unbearable. So my brother drove me, Phil and my mum to the hospital (my mum was my backup birthing partner).
We were put in a room and about 6 hours later i realised i still had not been offered any drugs!!! Turns out the deliver suit was fully booked with emergancies and people coming in after me were actually being turned away!! The pain became so bad that i started to hyperventilate which was very frightening as i just could not breath and could not calm myself down. They decided as i was only 5cm dilated that i should have pethadine. This did absolutely nothing for the pain. All it seemed to do was make me very sick, i could not stop throwing up the whole way through the labour.
By early morning the pains were coming every minute but i was still only 5cm dilated so still had a long way to go. The pain in my back got even worse and we discovered that the baby was back to back which means although she was head down she was facing the wrong way. So i had to lay on my left side and try to get her to turn. By this point the anaethasist was called and i had an epidural (THE MOST WONDERFUL DRUG IN THE WORLD). This completely took away the pain and the feeling in my left leg!
I managed to get in an hours sleep and then the day shift midwife came in and checked me over. My waters still hadn't broken so they tried to break them. There was looks of concern at this point as they were having trouble. After calling in the doctor to take a look at me it turned out they had broken my waters but nothing had come out... they were not that concerned my that but more about the amount of blood i was losing. After more examinations and discussion we discovered this was simply down to two biopsies i had had previously down there. Aparently scar tissue bleeds in a different way.
Baby was still back to back and there was no sign of movement. They put a monitor on my tummy to try and keep track of the baby's heart rate but she kept moving and it proved difficult so they put a monitor inside me and attached it to the baby's head.
This whole time my mum and husband had been amazing at keeping me calm and making sure i had everything i needed. Phil even started crying at one point because he could not bear to see me in so much pain, in a sick way it was quite heartwarming that he cares about me so much.
After quite a few more hours the monitor started jumping around a bit and the midwife suspected it meant i was fully dilated and ready to push but after the epidural and god knows how many top-ups i couldn't feel it. She gave me an hour to rest up before we began pushing.
So the pushing... as i had no feeling i had to watch the baby's heart rate on the monitor and wait for it to go to a certain number and push as hard as i could. Each time i got these contractions i got in about 3 or 4 pushes before the contraction finished. Then the contractions started to die down so they hooked me up to a hormone drip to get them going again. After 2 1/2 hours pushing i started to get very sleepy and even more sick. It seemed as the baby was facing the wrong way her head was getting stuck under my pelvic bone. We simply couldn't get her out. So the doctor was called.
She came in and as quick as a flash they put up some styrups to see if that helped but it didn't. Then she told me that they were going to try forceps but the baby's heart rate was getting dangerously high so they would do this in theatre and if this did not work they would do a C section immediately...
Within 5 minutes i was being rushed on a trolly to the operating table. By this point i was crying my eyes out as i just wasn't prepared for a C section and was terrified (more for the baby than me though). In theatre they gave me a general anaesthetic so i had no feeling from my chest to my toes. In went teh forceps and i pushed when i was told to push. I have never tried so hard at something in all my life as i was determined she was coming out this way and not through my tummy. The doctor then informed me i needed an apesiotomy (to be cut). Phil looked up just at the wrong time and saw them do it and decided to start telling me about the amount of blood there was which was really helpful!
Then i heard a couple of people say "ah look at those chubby cheeks" and i realised she was out. I looked over to phil and saw the tears in his eyes and the look of utter amazement. Then the feeling of complete relief when i heard a baby crying. They layed her on me and i just started to cry again. How amazing and i won't even try to begin explaining that feeling as i just can't. Its very unique and it has to be experienced to be believed. I was then another 45 minutes in the room getting stitched up.
My baby was born and i was a mummy. I simply didn't care about anything else.
So she was born on saturday the 15th Sept at 3.45pm and weighed a whopping 8lb 13oz.
Next week i will tell you all about how the recovery went and how i coped taking my baby home. I would type it up now but i think that will do for this installment.
See you next week - Proud mum
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Pregnancy week 41 - Summer

9 day overdue!!!!
Well i am physically and emotionaly drained now. On Monday i had a membrane sweep which has a 70% chance of starting off the labour. While doing this the midwife discovered that i was in fact 1 - 2cm dilated (i was finally in labour)!!. She could feel the babies head and everything. So it seemed to be a matter of waiting for the contractions to kick in... but it never happened. So Wednesday the midwife came over again and did another sweep. She had to give me the bad news and explain that i was still only 1 - 2cm dilated, which basically meant my labour had stopped (or paused).
So after the second sweep i waited for any sign of the labour progressing. I had severe backache for most of the day and then early afternoon i felt a contraction and 20 minutes later came another and yet another after about 20 minutes. Then just as i am getting my head around the idea of going into labour properly it stopped!!! The dissapointment was just so strong that i cried for most of the evening. My poor husband was very confused and had no idea how to console me. It is very hard to explain how playing this daily waiting game is torture. The sweep hurt like hell and left me with severe backache for the day (both times) and when it didn't work it felt like i put myself through that for absolutely nothing. Oh weirdly the midwife could feel the babies head even better the second time and could even tell me that either she has very fine hair or she has none at all.
I am booked in on monday to be induced. This just adds to my feelings of failure. I am just so cross that my body cannot do this simple thing on its own and that i have to have human intervention to get it started. It makes me feel like i have failed in some way. I know this sounds ridiculous as loads of people have to be induced but it doesn't stop me feeling the way i do. Perhaps its all these hormones too that are making things worse.
Its now Thursday and i have another 4 days until i go into hospital but i have given up on any hope that labour will start again on its own before then. So i am just preparing myself for Monday now instead of wondering every day if this is the day. I think its the only way i can cope with it now. The midwife did say that i could have another sweep on saturday if i want but i think i will give it a miss as it will only lead to dissapointment.
I have avoided going out and seeing anyone as the thought of having to talk about all of this is depressing. Hardly anyone talks to me about anything else at the moment which is hard as i could really do with some distraction. In some ways being at home during the day completely alone is the only salvation i get as noone talks to me about baby stuff. But that is only if i ignore my email and text messages which is hard to do as if you don't reply people assume you are in hospital.
Anyway whatever happens at least i know that this time next week i will definately have my baby.
So next week will be the gory one you have been waiting for where i will tell you all the details of the birth!!!
Speak next week from a very depressed mum to be
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Pregnancy week 40 - Summer

Well i am now 2 days overdue!!
This part feels like it is passing by so slowly. I saw the midwife on Monday and she told me that they will only allow me to go 2 weeks over my due date. I have to go back and see her on monday (if i haven't had the baby yet) and they will do a membrane sweep if i want one. This is simply running a finger along the neck of the cervix to try and stimulate the cells into starting labour but its not garunteed to start things off although it has a good rate of success.
So now i feel like a ticking timebomb. I am too scared to leave the house as i don't think i could face the humiliation of my waters breaking in public. I did not think it was possible to feel any more uncomfortable than i had been up till now but i was sooooo wrong. I keep having hot flushes and am generally sweating from my body overheating, with every move she makes it is actually bordering on painful and she is so far down. Also i am practically weeing every 20 minutes which isn't great when i am struggling to find the energy to climb the stairs.
On a positive note i think all of these complaints are a good thing as i have not worried at all about the birth. I am too busy wishing labour would start to even comprehend the pain of whats about to happen.
I really thought it was going to start last night as i had unusual pains that felt like contracting pains but after a very restless night it came to nothing. The midwife suggested two things to help bring on labour (but did say that nothing scientifically will work and she will arrive when she is good and ready). The first thing is fresh pinapple which unfortunately i hate. The second thing is oral sex... honestly. Unfotunately for all the women out there she meant oral sex for him!!!! Confused... so was i! aparently there is something in semen which softens the neck of the womb and it works best if it is ingested oraly. Please note that i neglected to pass this information onto my husband - why the hell should he get any treats, its his fault i am in this situation!! So i have been forcefeeding myself pinapple which has so far not worked.
Before you all start giving me your words of wisdom don't bother. I have heard them all - hot curry, sex, walking, cycling, etc etc. As the midwife said she will come when she is good and ready.
Strangely i have been feeling particularly crappy today and have had extreme lower back pains (not too disimilar to period pains) which i have heard is a symptom of early labour. I have a gut feeling about tonight but don't really want to tempt fate so i will say no more.
My only other thing of note is that i am very tempted to turn off my phone. I must get about 10 messages a day asking if i have had it yet!!! Believe me when i say i will let you know. If you are a friend and i have your mobile number i will be texting everyone, i will post a bulletin on myspace and will update my status on my facebook page. Point is, there is no need to ask every day as i will be sure to let you know. If you want to contact me then please do feel free as i am bored stupid but feel free to talk to me about anything else!! Its hard enough to get through each day wondering every second if this is the time without other people constantly reminding you that you are still waiting.
... I should also point out that with every day overdue i go i am getting very grouchy. Sorry. I feel most sorry for my husband as he is definately getting the crappy end of it but i hope he understands.
Anyway best go - got lots of daytime TV to get back to.
Mum to be
XXXXXXXXXXXX