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Fat Kat

Had my initial midwife appointment yesterday and it did not go according to plan.
The first annoyance I encountered is that on my forms the estimated due date is completely different to the one my doctor had told me so where I thought I was 10/11 weeks gone I am actually only 8 weeks and due at the beginning of April. I know that this will change again when I have my scan and they can give a more accurate due date. My scan, however, has been booked in for the 26th September. 4 weeks away!!!!

I was preparing myself to go public with my news next week but now I have to wait another 4 weeks. I just don't think I can fake anymore reasons not to drink or have any fun!
In all honestly I really want people to know so that I can publicly moan about my morning sickness and why they shouldn't blow smoke in my face.

Anyway this was only the start of my annoyance and the disastrous visit. The second point is that, although I have been working bloody hard to lose weight through boot camp three times a week, my BMI of 33 still puts me in the category of obese. So, in the midwife's words, "you will have to see the lady we call the 'fat' midwife who takes care of the larger ladies". Great thanks for that! Then she hands me a leaflet titled "Obesity in pregnancy" which basically lists all the things that can go wrong because of my weight, it’s an upbeat piece of literature.

So moving on from this we come onto depression. I have suffered mild depression recently and was put on mild medication which did help. I gave up the medication on discovering I was pregnant at the say so of my doctor. Although I highlighted that I have been feeling fine my husband rolled his eyes and points out my erratic mood swings. Those of you who have been pregnant know very well that erratic mood swings are a very normal part of the pregnancy process and is caused from ridiculous hormones, not depression. The midwifes however do not want to take any chances and want me to see a specialist just to be sure. Great!

So with the weight, depression and my husband’s family medical history (which by the way is the same from my first pregnancy) I have been instructed that I am classed as high risk and therefore have to go on consultant led care. This means instead of visiting the midwife I have to see a consultant at the hospital on a more regular basis. In my opinion it is all very unnecessary.

So today in the cold light of day I am debating if I should just share my news anyway. It is causing me so much anxiety and doesn't seem worth it. If something goes wrong (touch wood) I would rather have the support of people I know rather than try to hide that too,
Also, I am on a strict healthy diet as of today and although I had to give up the boot camp this week (it was just too hard during pregnancy) I am going to get back on my cross trainer at least three times a week. I am determined not to feel like a frumpy fat person this time. I want to have a cute bump and lose weight on my face. I can do this, plus it would be better for the baby if I wasn't obese. God that term is really horrible isn't it, and it always conjures images of that huge lady that had to be air lifted out of her house (which is not what I look like by the way).

So I write this still pondering my final decision to share my news or not. If you are reading this on the 31st August 2011 then I decided to go public. If you are reading this on the 26th September 2011, however, I bottled out.

K
xxx

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