Wow - the response I had after last weeks post was very overwhelming and unexpected. I think above all it hit a familiar note with many people and some friends were very surprised about how I had kept my feelings hidden (comes from years of practise).
Anyhow this week things are looking much brighter. I started to feel a bit brighter once I had acknowledged that my depression was creeping back in. Quite often its that first, and difficult step, that is the biggest hurdle. I had a midwife appointment booked in last Friday and had every intention of speak to her about the depression and perhaps even going back onto the medication. My husband came with me for moral support (and I suspect to ensure I didn't chicken out). I found it easier than I had thought to come out with it and contrary to the way I suspected her to react she was incredibly supportive and didn't make me feel like I was just being a drama queen. She agreed that the symptoms sounded as though it was creeping back and was open to putting me back on medication. I, however had a change of heart and decided that I would not take the pills and see how things went for a little while. I went through all the issues I was having with my 4 year old and they agreed it was probably a bit more than temper tantrums and gave me a number for someone at the Health Visitors office.
We agreed that if this was the trigger for my depression this time then it was worth trying to sort it out before medicating.
I also had the results back from my tests and I am pleased to say that I do not have anaemia or diabetes although I am just below the line with the Diabetes and it will be closely monitored. I may have to have the glucose test again but for now I am in the clear.
Another nice thing happened at my appointment and that was that while booking in my next appointment the midwife said (very flippantly) "oh that will be my last day". she continued talking and I had to stop her and ask what she meant. Turns out she is retiring and the lady who I had wrongly assumed was just in the room observing will actually be my new midwife. I was so pleased as I have not really hit it off very well with my current midwife and felt that I haven't had her full attention (may explain why if she is winding down to retirement). Her replacement is lovely and I had an immediate connection and could feel real warmth from her (which is a trait you want from a midwife).
In the meantime I have contacted the health visitor and they are sending someone out to assess my daughter. So that is another thing that may be rectified soon.
My bump has grown quite large now but it is a cute bump, the kind I aspired to have the first time around. The baby kicks and moves all the time now and my daughter has even felt him. We had to explain to her how the baby got in my tummy so we told her that daddy put a seed in my tummy which has grown into a baby. She is very annoyed however that she didn't get to see daddy put the seed in there - she has no idea how lucky she is!!
Reaching 28 weeks is nice as I am now in the third trimester (the home straight). I have started watching the new series of one born every minute and having flashbacks to my first labour. This time though I am not in the least bit frightened or anxious. I'm actually excited... which even I find a bit odd. I think it is because I went through hell the first time with a 36 hour labour I feel like I know what to expect and can therefore enjoy the amazing wonderment that is bringing a new life into the world rather than just panicking about what might happen next... or maybe I am just really excited about meeting my little boy.
The next week or so I will be trying to get sorted with the room and clothes etc as I do think I am completely under prepared.
Anyhow this week things are looking much brighter. I started to feel a bit brighter once I had acknowledged that my depression was creeping back in. Quite often its that first, and difficult step, that is the biggest hurdle. I had a midwife appointment booked in last Friday and had every intention of speak to her about the depression and perhaps even going back onto the medication. My husband came with me for moral support (and I suspect to ensure I didn't chicken out). I found it easier than I had thought to come out with it and contrary to the way I suspected her to react she was incredibly supportive and didn't make me feel like I was just being a drama queen. She agreed that the symptoms sounded as though it was creeping back and was open to putting me back on medication. I, however had a change of heart and decided that I would not take the pills and see how things went for a little while. I went through all the issues I was having with my 4 year old and they agreed it was probably a bit more than temper tantrums and gave me a number for someone at the Health Visitors office.
We agreed that if this was the trigger for my depression this time then it was worth trying to sort it out before medicating.
I also had the results back from my tests and I am pleased to say that I do not have anaemia or diabetes although I am just below the line with the Diabetes and it will be closely monitored. I may have to have the glucose test again but for now I am in the clear.
Another nice thing happened at my appointment and that was that while booking in my next appointment the midwife said (very flippantly) "oh that will be my last day". she continued talking and I had to stop her and ask what she meant. Turns out she is retiring and the lady who I had wrongly assumed was just in the room observing will actually be my new midwife. I was so pleased as I have not really hit it off very well with my current midwife and felt that I haven't had her full attention (may explain why if she is winding down to retirement). Her replacement is lovely and I had an immediate connection and could feel real warmth from her (which is a trait you want from a midwife).
In the meantime I have contacted the health visitor and they are sending someone out to assess my daughter. So that is another thing that may be rectified soon.
My bump has grown quite large now but it is a cute bump, the kind I aspired to have the first time around. The baby kicks and moves all the time now and my daughter has even felt him. We had to explain to her how the baby got in my tummy so we told her that daddy put a seed in my tummy which has grown into a baby. She is very annoyed however that she didn't get to see daddy put the seed in there - she has no idea how lucky she is!!
Reaching 28 weeks is nice as I am now in the third trimester (the home straight). I have started watching the new series of one born every minute and having flashbacks to my first labour. This time though I am not in the least bit frightened or anxious. I'm actually excited... which even I find a bit odd. I think it is because I went through hell the first time with a 36 hour labour I feel like I know what to expect and can therefore enjoy the amazing wonderment that is bringing a new life into the world rather than just panicking about what might happen next... or maybe I am just really excited about meeting my little boy.
The next week or so I will be trying to get sorted with the room and clothes etc as I do think I am completely under prepared.
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