I have been MIA from the blogging scene for a while now. This is mainly due to health reasons that have consumed my life lately.
For the first time in about two years I feel like I am winning my personal battle and wanted to start sharing again, so here goes.
The main thing I want to focus on today is my Psoriasis. For those not "in the know" this is a horrible skin condition that causes red, itchy and scaly skin (it is as disgusting as it sounds). Psoriasis affects around 2% of people in the UK. It can start at any age but most often develops in adults under 35 years old, and affects men and women equally. The severity of psoriasis varies greatly from person to person. For some it's just a minor irritation but, for others, it can majorly affect their quality of life. Unfortunately mine is the latter. I am now covered from my head to my toes in these awful looking patches of flakey, red soreness.
How it began:
It all began in my scalp about 7 or 8 years ago and to be honest, at the time, I just put it down to a reaction to a specific shampoo. When, after changing shampoo, it continues to get worse I knew there was more to it. It looked like dandruff and I would have to avoid wearing black as white skin would drop to my shoulders and cause me embarrassment (still does now).
It stayed just in my scalp for a couple of years until one day (a month after having a giant back tattoo) a patch appeared on the bottom of my back. This very quickly got bigger in size almost overnight and ruined my brand new tattoo that is still not complete yet. From here it spread over my entire body within a few short months.
How does it feel:
Itchy -
For the most part I am itchy ALL THE TIME which puts me on edge a lot. I find myself loosing my temper so much quicker that before as I have no tolerance. The evenings are by far the worst as it reaches the kind of itchiness that simply becomes more itchy the more you scratch. I have spent many an evening crying in the bath and eventually going to bed early just so that sleep will put me out of my misery.
Some of my patches are in places that you cannot be seen to be scratching in public (if you know what I mean) so can be very awkward.
Soreness -
With the itching comes the soreness and bleeding. To scratch to the point you find blood on your hands is awful as you are literally scratching your skin away and still cannot ease the itchiness. Also I have patches around my trouser waist band so where possible I try to wear leggings as jeans tend to aggravate and rub it. Also around my bra line is so painful so as soon as I get home the bra comes off!
Embarrassing -
Aside from the physical pain the emotional impact is huge. I no longer have the confidence to go swimming, put on a dress or do anything that will involve me having to come into skin to skin contact with someone. I am always thinking that people are disgusted when they look at me. Like I am the type of person that would put them off their food.
Holidays are the worst - the thought of going to a hot country where I have to wear swimwear and shorts/ tshirts etc fills me with a huge amount of dread.
I usually try to head off the embarrassment by talking about my condition up front. I would just rather people didn't talk behind my back about what I must have so I over compensate and bore the crap out of people with the history of my psoriasis... much like I'm doing here LOL
Even at home I am loathed to let even my husband see my skin. He tells me that he doesn't see it and that he loves me so much it simply doesn't bother him but I just can't help thinking "this isn't what he signed up for", I wasn't this vile when we married etc.
Anyway so as you can see its been a horrible time. To top this off about 5 years ago I began suffering from a condition called psoriatic arthritis. It is basically an arthritis condition that stems from the skin condition. This is mainly located in my feet and when it first started I actually couldn't walk. I need a walking stick to help me get around. I am now on great tablets that have got me back to "almost" normal again ie I can walk but if I walk to far or stand for too long I am in excruciating pain. which means my weight has taken a bit of an uplift as I struggle to find an exercise I can manage.
I digress as this is not the focus today but if you didn't feel sorry for me yet I'm hoping that may have swung it.
Treatment -
Oh the road of treatment was long and frustrating. Every visit to the doctor would see me come out with yet another ointment, cream, topical treatment that just doesn't work. Well they usually worked for about a week or two and then my skin would end up worse than when I started as it flares up.
I tried plenty of herbal options and even tried dietary things like cutting out dairy - all of which failed.
The thing that would drive me crazy the most is that people are constantly offering up things you should try as it "worked for my friend" (god I have heard that phrase so many times). I know people are trying to help but unfortunately everyone is different and at this point I have tried EVERYTHING.
The thing I wanted more than anything else was light treatment as this is a much more powerful way of tackling it. Every time I went to the doctors and asked I was told that my skin was not bad enough for a referral!!!!
So last year when I was doing everything I could to not rip my own skin off I snapped, marched down to the doctors and demanded they refer me to a dermatologist and I was not leaving until I got my referral. IT WORKED!
I only had to wait 2 months for the dermatologist appointment. She tried to fob me off with more creams until i stopped her mid sentence and explained I was only interested in light therapy and she WAS going to refer me. This was back in November 2018 and today (February 2019) I had my first light therapy treatment.
It may work, it may not but after years of fighting with my GP I have finally got here.
See next blog for details on the light therapy.
See photo below of my arm on day 1 of therapy, I will be keeping a track of these patches over the 30 treatments I am due to have
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