The middle bit - not a lot happens

I haven't blogged for a while so thought I should before Christmas gets in the way and I really won't have time.

The main reason I have been absent is simply that there is not much to say. I have had no appointments, no crucial news or advice to depart and no significant worries. It’s all a bit dull to be honest.

My bump is stupidly big now and I am only 24 weeks, I am trying not to think how big I may end up! The bigger bump is proving more difficult to manage especially with finding clothes to fit and general backache.

The heartburn is back and worse than ever. I have discovered that Tums are much nicer and work just as well but I am basically eating them all day (within the restricted allowance obviously). It is starting to keep me awake at night too which isn't very nice. The backache can get to a painful climax by the end of a day and I am starting to struggle to get out of chairs if they are too low down. The heels have gone today and the flats are here to stay until the baby is born I suspect. Not the best look for a 5ft 2inch round munchkin but totally worth it.

I am also starting to get an annoying pain next to my belly button. I had this last time and they said it was a hernia but this time they have agreed it is not a hernia at all but just a nerve issue and has a lot to do with the way the baby is laying - not that it makes it any less painful.

No swelling of fingers, feet or ankles this time around which was well underway last time so I am very pleased. The baby moves about and kicks in interesting patterns through the day. Seems to be most happiest when I am at work which is odd (perhaps it’s the peace and quiet here). The kicks are getting very strong too, starting to actually see them now which I will never get used to.

I had one emotionally charged day this week where I had been through the weekend from hell (various reasons I won't go into now) and thankfully had the Monday off work. I spent that day crying for the most part. I honestly could not say if it was a legitimate down day or if it was hormonally charged but it wasn't nice whatever it was. I'm all good now though.

To be honest I quite often forget I am pregnant until I look down. I know that sounds like a strange thing to say but it is true. The first pregnancy I was monitoring absolutely everything, all aches and pains were looked up on Google just to make sure they were normal, all signs of stress or things that caused high blood pressure were immediately rectified. This time around I feel like I am just floating through it, almost like it is happening to someone else. I haven't even brought anything for the baby yet which is very odd for me. Maybe it is because I am an experienced pregnant person now or maybe it is because with a four year old to look after I don't get time to think or worry about myself so much. Whatever it is it is making the time fly by which is good. I only just realised I have 16 weeks left which isn't very much actually.

I have been getting a few painful twinges and I am pretty sure at my next appointment they will tell me my blood pressure is up. I have been overdoing it especially at work. Not sure why I keep volunteering to work 14 hour days... or even putting my hand up for new work that comes in. I can't really cope but hate having to admit that. I should be resting more than I am and will make it my mission over the Christmas period to do just that.

I will blog again in the New Year, unless I get bored at Christmas.

Merry Christmas XXX

Did we or didn't we?

Well after a couple of months deliberating about finding out the sex of the baby the day finally came. I had told my husband that it was entirely his decision if we were to find out but he couldn't decide.

In the waiting room, about to go in for my scan, he still hadn't decided and said I will let Summer decide. I wasn't too pleased about resting this decision on a 4 year old that really has no concept of what is going on.

So I went in and Summer sat beside me holding my hand (she was very worried that it would hurt even though I had assured her it didn't). It was a rare occasion that the baby was not moving about which was frustrating for the sonographer who needed it to move so she could get all the measurements. Eventually after some prodding it obliged and she was able to measure the important organs and bones which were all as they should be. Apparently it has a rather big tummy but Summer was a whopping 8lbs 13oz when born so this wasn't a shock to me.

Then she came to the bottom end of the baby and clear as a bell I saw an extra little something that had not been there in Summers scan! I kept quiet in case I was wrong and it was the cord or something. Then she asked if we would like to know. Phil squirmed for a whole 10 seconds before saying yeah go ahead. The sonographer confirmed that it was in fact a boy!!!

I have always maintained that I would be happy either way but deep down I think I always hoped it was a boy to complete our family and give us one of each. I immediately realise just how lucky we are as most parents would love to have one of each but end up with 3 girls!

Not only that but also to have two healthy pregnancies and babies (touch wood) has not gone unnoticed by us. We are truly blessed and I feel like this baby boy will be the last piece of our puzzle and will complete our family.

Phil’s immediate reaction was to announce that we will definitely have to move house so that the kids can have their own room. This was shortly followed by his excitement over having someone to go to the gym with. I think he will have a while to wait until then!

Summer reacted by giving me a look of "yeah I knew it was a boy". She immediately suggested Charlie or Jackson as possible names which I am assuming are friends in her pre-school class.

We have got a short list of names which we have pulled down to two possibles but I am not sharing that until he is born. I may change my mind between now and April anyway.

Scan aside I have still been feeling pretty awful. Tiredness that I can't even begin to explain. I also now cannot walk too fast otherwise I get a pulling on the front of my tummy that is difficult to explain but extremely uncomfortable. Best way to try and describe it is to imagine you have drunk lots and lots of water and then run down the road and you can feel it swishing about which gives you a weird sensation. I suggest you try doing that just so you get an idea of how I feel!

So now onto the shopping. I will need to buy lots of stuff now the colour has changed. Most of Summers old baby clothes are pink and I got rid of the bottles etc. So I must start stocking up.

I now don't have a midwife appointment until in between Christmas and new year.

Kat

XXXXX

Go with your instincts

My instincts are rarely wrong and yet again this has proved to be the case. When my midwife told me I would need to have consultant led care I was rather surprised and bemused. None of my family or medical history has changed since the first pregnancy and I couldn't see any other reason to be so heavy handed with my care.

So I went along to the hospital appointment last week to see the consultant. What a complete and utter waste of time.

First off I had to wait an hour and a half to be seen which didn't put me in the best of moods, this coupled with the fact that the waiting room was filled with women who were either morbidly obese or very young meant I really didn't want to be there.

I eventually got seen after complaining about the wait. I hate complaining but it is amazing how quickly after that I was seen so maybe my husband is right and it does have its benefits. So I met Mrs Watkins who was very nice. After going through a list of questions she also had the bemused look that I had on her face and very matter of factly said "I am seriously unsure why you have been sent to me, You won't need to come again" and "I think your midwife was a bit gung-ho".

The questions that had originally raised the alarms were: does anyone in yours or your husband immediate family have any heart problems, my answer was yes as my mother in law had heart surgery a few years ago. This apparently has no relevance on my health as she is my in law. Next - Could you give more detail on the heart palpitations you suffered during the last pregnancy, I said that I was told to cut out caffeine which seemed to control it and I haven't had a reoccurrence. This again therefore, had no relevance to this pregnancy. Next - Could you give more detail on the hernia you were diagnosed with during the last pregnancy, I said that I have had no problems with it since and it only hurt when I was heavily pregnant. The consultant then asked if I had a lump or my belly button popped out, both of which I answered with a no. She then informed me that I had therefore been misdiagnosed and it could not have been a hernia. The last question referenced a couple of cervical biopsies I’d had years ago. She said "it says here you have had to cone biopsies" to which I replied "what is a cone biopsy" she went on to explain that a cone biopsy is quite severe and they remove the whole top layer of your cervix while you are under general anaesthetic. This is not what I had had done at all, mine was very small and unpainful biopsies which I underwent while conscious. I have no idea why the midwife would have written something that I clearly hadn't said so the consultant just said that again these biopsies have no relevance to my pregnancy!

The thing I was most concerned and annoyed about (my weight) didn't even factor into the conversation. All she said is that because my BMI is over 30 (it is 30.7!) I will have to have an additional scan at 34 weeks which isn't a bad thing really. Anyway she let me hear the heartbeat again before leaving and sending in another midwife.

This midwife, Clare, was really nice and just relayed what had just been discussed and what would be sent to my doctor. Then she asked if I would take part in a research study they were doing in partnership with Cardiff University on pregnancy in obese women. She told me that I would have to fill out 3 questionnaires at different stages and they would send me a £10 voucher for the baby and 12 free slimming world vouchers so I said what the hell, sign me up.

The worst part about my pointless visit to the hospital was after the appointment when I was waiting at the desk to get a scan appointment date and I noticed an area slightly separate from the other waiting room and in there was a midwife who seemed to be consoling a lady who looked to be about 5 or 6 months pregnant. I was trying to not be nosey but I caught a few odd words and it was obvious she had lost her baby. I almost broke into tears then and there. Miscarriages happen all the time and I am not saying that it is easy at any stage of pregnancy but when it happens at the later stage it must be worse. You have grown so attached to the idea by then and the absolute worst part is that you have to go through the birthing process. Being at 5 months myself I just really felt for her and the very thought of going through that myself really upset me.

The really good news is that I have my second scan next week and I may or may not find out the sex. Check back next week to find out!

Kat

Almost halfway

I am now 19 weeks pregnant (almost halfway point). At my midwife appointment the other week I did get to hear the heartbeat. It was much faster than I remembered but felt nice to hear it and that it was all normal and strong.

There has been so much movement over the last week. My stomach feels like a washing machine on a spin cycle. The kicking feels like flutters but every now and again it feels like my whole stomach has turned over - much like the feeling you get when you drive over a little hill really fast.

I am still yet to buy any maternity clothes but have found some nice bits in Debenhams and M&S. I have however got myself some flat shoes as my back is still struggling with the extra weight. The bump is getting bigger by the day but unlike last time it is all staying at the front (apparently a clear sign of carrying a boy). Last time I just got bigger all the way around (apparently a clear sign of carrying a girl).

Last week I had started to stop feeling so sick and even got some of my appetite back. This was only short lived and I am yet again unable to eat properly (if at all). I feel tired all the time and am pretty much unable to function in the evenings. Any evening plans fill me with terror as I just cannot function beyond 6pm. The heartburn is on and off but when it flares up it is incredibly painful. I have discovered that Rennie tablets are much better than Gaviscon and will now not go anywhere without them!

Went to a wedding last week and saw some friends that I have not seen in a while. All of them commented on my weight loss. I even had some comments on my bigger boobs, slightly inappropriate but I was flattered all the same. Although while on the subject my boobs have definitely started to get bigger. I am just wondering when I will have to give in and wear the hideous maternity bras.

I am seeing the consultant on Friday (the appointment I missed the other week). I have no idea what to expect but I am guessing they will weigh me and ask a load of questions. Would be a bonus if I got another scan out of it.

Anyhow, I am off to bed early tonight as I have a late night tomorrow going to see rock of ages in London. I have to plan ahead for a late night to ensure I can manage it!

Kat
XXXX

Second trimester

Things are very fast moving in the pregnancy world and the second trimester is probably the quickest part.
I am at 17 weeks now and the itching has begun! I forgot how irritating this could be, I literally itch from head to toe at the most inconvenient times. Mainly when I go to bed or am trying to chill out in the evening. Based on last time around I am hopeful that this won't last long as it has an awful affect on my mood.

The other thing is that I can feel the baby moving (or kicking). At the moment it is very infrequent and I can only really feel it if I am lying still as it is quite faint but that will increase over the coming weeks and will probably be another thing that will keep me awake.

My appetite is getting better although I still have to eat as soon as I am hungry otherwise I go off the thought of eating very quickly. Also when I eat I can only manage tiny portions so it is a case of trying to eat little and often which is better for you anyway. The upside to this is that I have lost half a stone since the beginning of my pregnancy so keeping the babies additional weight and water retention in mind I think I have lost about a stone in total. Not the best way to lose weight I admit but still happy about it all the same.

With so much going on lately I completely missed my first consultant appointment at the hospital last week - whoops. Had to re-arrange for the 11th November, I hope they are not to angry with me when I turn up. I have my second midwife appointment in two days where there will be many more tests (urine, blood etc). I am trying to remember if I will be able to hear the baby's heartbeat at this appointment. I will have to let you know next week.

As I get heavier I am fearing for my back. I have a weak back anyway and have thrown it out on many occasions. During my last pregnancy I threw it out cutting a hedge and I have had the sort of twinges lately that indicate it is struggling. If I walk too far or do too much housework I spend the next day struggling to get out of the chair and walk. Best reason I have ever had to be lazy really!
I will just have to take it easy and be extra careful.

Not long until the second scan now (3.5 weeks) and still no decision made on finding out the sex of the baby. I had decided to go along with my husband and not find out but now he is back tracking and thinks maybe he does want to know. Think I will just let him decide!

The final thing I want to mention this week is maternity clothes. Why on earth can I not find any really nice maternity wear? I love what Emma Willis wears on the telly but god knows where she gets her stuff from as I just cannot find anything that comes close. I may email her management and try to find out. It seems the word frump is very closely associated with maternity. I spend all day yesterday trying to find some suitable trousers for work and couldn't find a thing. I got all excited when I heard H&M do maternity only to be hugely disappointed to find tracksuit type trousers, smock tops and nothing else. I don't want to pay big prices for these clothes as I won't be in them for long but I am starting to think I have no choice. Instead I bought some really big, normal clothes which should get me by for a little while longer.

Anyhow that is it from me. Getting ready for my big 30th birthday party this weekend where I am going to be dressed as a very scary female chucky doll. This will be a real tester of how sociable I can be without alcohol and also if I can actually have fun without drinking... let’s wait and see.

Kat
xxxxx

Mood swings & sex

I haven't written in a while mainly because I have been in a constant bad mood over the last couple of weeks and I refuse to write while in a negative frame of mind as it would just turn into a rant.

There have a been a number of changes over the last few weeks. A weakened bladder is by far the worst of it! Other changes include a bigger bump (really struggling for clothes now), discomfort and cramps in the side of my tummy and cravings.

To top all of this off I have been intensely busy at work and with tasks that require a great deal of thinking, creativity and problem solving. This is becoming a big problem for me as my brain is getting a bit jumbled, my thoughts are much more clouded and not as sharp as they usually are. This in turn causes a great deal of frustration and generally just making myself look stupid!

A lady said to me the other week "I got post natal depression when I had my daughter and I still have it 23 years later" My response - "Oh dear - how old is your daughter". She laughed in my face and I felt so stupid! This is just one example of many.

The main difference between this pregnancy and my last is that I am kind of ignoring that it's happening. The first time around I followed the weekly faetal updates and took on board most of the recommendations from the books etc but this time I really don't have a care in the world. I get a cramp and instead of thinking "oh god what if something is wrong" I actually think "oh great, I'm in that stage already!"

I do think it has been easier this time with much less anxiety and worry. That said, I am still not and will not enjoy it. I really don't get women that say they love pregnancy, I just could totally do without it and have my baby delivered by a stork (think dumbo).

Summer is getting really excited and it is lovely to see. She tells me that she plays mummies at pre-school and shoves a dolly under her jumper. She asks that when the baby is born if she can help feed it, dress it etc. She has also named the baby flower as we thought it would be nice to give it a pre-pregnancy name to make it easier for her. Summer came up with the name flower because the baby is growing like a flower!

She also thinks the baby will come out of my bum! but that is a conversation I will save for another day.

Another nice thing is that although my bump is getting bigger I seem to have slimmed down a bit in other places like my face and many people have commented. This makes me a bit happy, my husband even said that I look really good pregnant which is nice. There is one exception and that is the "funny man" of my office who thinks it is hilarious to tell me daily that I am piling on the pounds!

There is a topic that is starting to worry me a little and that is the sex. NO! not the lack of or too much as your dirty minds would have thought but the sex of the baby. Last time we found out at the second scan that we were having a little girl. This time my husband really doesn't want to know and in some ways I think if he feels that strongly about it then maybe I should give him this one thing and not find out... But I really want to know.
We are at a stalemate with it and I think I may have to be the bigger person and let him win this one. I still have a little while left to make the decision but it does have to be made.

Would you want to know?
Fill in my poll to the right of the page.

Going public and the scan (No more cat analogies!)

Last week was quite hectic. I subtly made my news public by sharing my blog. To be perfectly honest it was not until this morning though that any of it has felt real.
I finally had my 12 week scan. Still convinced that I was further along or had multiple babies in my tummy I was mildly surprised to hear that I was in fact 12 weeks and 3 days pregnant and there is only one baby there. It all looks ok, they took blood tests for the downs tests which I will hear back in about 5 days.

We took Summer (my 4 year old) along to the scan as I thought it would be good for her to be involved and see proof that there was a real baby in my tummy as I am not sure she fully believes me. She was mesmerised and more concerned that the scan itself was hurting me.

Leading up to the scan has been somewhat hectic though. Had a variety of events to attend over the weekend, most of which involved people drinking. Friday's leaving drinks for a work colleague was really hard as people smoked all around me and I fought the cravings so hard. I did leave early as it just became too hard. Saturday, however, was a different story. It was my best friends 30th birthday and we went for a meal and some drinks and although I was looking forward to celebrating with my friend the thought of staying out late sober was horrible. The reality was very different, we had such a good night. I haven't laughed so hard for a long time, I even stayed out until 1am!

Monday morning approached and I feel like death. I could use another weekend just to sleep.  The scan this morning made it worthwhile getting up though. I also have my due date now which is the 6th April. It is nice to have something to work too.

Oh, My husband and I have also been disagreeing about finding out the sex at the next scan. I want to but he doesn't. We did find out with Summer and as this will be our last child my husband thinks it would be nice to have the surprise. If he really doesn't change his mind then I will respect his wishes and not find out (as hard as that will be).

Kat
xxxxx

Summer - 13 days old

Oh my god, its quite amazing how one little person can make you feel. It is nearing the end of two weeks with my lovely Summer and i already cannot imagine life without her. I find it hard to think what my life was like before her. We definately should have done this years ago.
So after i had been stitched up they wheeled me back to the delivery room. Phil was leaving to get a couple of hours sleep and i suddenly felt extremely terrified as they laid this baby on my to feed and i realised i was completely responsible for her. My mum offered to stay with me until phil came back thankfully. As i had had a general anaesthetic i had no feeling from my chest down so she was a godsend and dressed summer for me. I realised i had no idea how to put on a nappy or anything.
They then wheeled me to the ward to join the other new mums. Some family came to see us and my mother in law snuck in a mini bottle of vodka for me but as i was attempting to breast feed i didn't open it. Phil was kicked out at 10pm and i was terrified again as i had to look after her all onmy own for the whole night!!!
It wasn't too bad as the midwives were constantly checking on me as i was immobile and couldn't even pick her up out of her cot. They gave her to me every 3 hours through the night to feed which went ok. The next day i was determined to go home but i wasn't allowed until i had been for a wee and walked (easier said than done). My legs were like jelly but i managed to take myself to the loo although i was terrified that my stitches would burst. By about 3pm they were happy to let me go home as they had done all there checks on the baby and me and everything was fine.
Luckily for us summer is a very good baby who from the first night home slept all the way through from midnight to 6am which was great. Since then we have had a couple of sleepless nights but on the whole she is very good.
The whole of the first week was taken up with visitors. I was doing ok until about the third day and my stitches became very painful. It turned out i had got an infection and had to be put on very strong antibiotics so the first alcoholic drink had to be put on hold. I had done it for 9 months what was another week!! Then on the third night the breastfeeding became excrutiatingly painful. I had never quite felt pain like it, i think i would have rather gone through the labour again than breast fed for any longer. The midwife came the next day and warned me that the fourth day would be the most painful... she was not wrong. I was quite literally having to bite down on a tea towel just to get through it. But it got too much and through the pain of this and the pain in my stitches i was at breaking point and was inconsolable. Phil tried his best to stop me crying but there was nothing he could do. Summer was getting distressed and was obviously not getting enough food which made me even more upset as i felt i was letting her down. Enough was enough, out came the bottles and the steraliser. Straight away summer was a changed baby and far more content. She slept better and was getting into a better routine and best of all i didn't dread having to feed her. I am glad i tried breast feeding though and it obviously wasn't for me. The midwife was really good about it and made me feel much better. I will not be trying it at all next time.
Finally in the last few days i have felt great again and back to my old self. I find myself just watching Summer for hours. She pulls some cracking faces and her smiles just melt my heart (although i suspect it is just wind and not real smiles). She recognises my voice now and is so alert. She is already desperately trying to crawl, her legs are moving her the right way but she hasn't quite got the strength in her arms yet which really frsutrates her. It won't be long before she is on the move. She could hold her own head up the minute she was born so i would definately say she was quite advanced but she comes from good genes so there is no surprise there ; )
Anyway i am afraid this will be the last blog from me! I have a life now and someone to fill it! I have enjoyed sharing my thoughts and will really enjoy reading them back to summer when she is older as i plan to print them into a little book for her. I hope i have not bored any of you too much and thanks for taking the time to read these.
All that is left to say is that i think if you have the oportunity you should definately have kids they are the future and its the most amazing feeling in the world. Before i had her i thought i understood this but the feeling is far too intense to ever explain in words and has to be experienced to be believed. Perhaps i will do more blogs when the next one is on the way!!!
Thanks again and bye!!!

Summer - the labour **WARNING GROSS DETAILS**

Summer is 6 days old.
Sorry this is a bit late but it has been one hell of a week.
Well i went into labour finally on Thursday morning at 6.30. I spent the whole day having contractions. They started to slow down early afternoon so me and my hubby went for a long walk to keep things going.
By about 6-7pm the contractions were about 7 minutes apart so i decided to make my way to my mums house as she lives just down the road from the hospital. The contractions seemed to stay put at 7 minutes apart although the pain was increasing. It was all in my back which is a bit odd. It got so bad that i could barely stand it. They then got to about 5 minutes apart by midnight so we decided to call the hospital. They usually only admit you when they are 3 minutes apart so we had to make it clear that the pain was now unbearable. So my brother drove me, Phil and my mum to the hospital (my mum was my backup birthing partner).
We were put in a room and about 6 hours later i realised i still had not been offered any drugs!!! Turns out the deliver suit was fully booked with emergancies and people coming in after me were actually being turned away!! The pain became so bad that i started to hyperventilate which was very frightening as i just could not breath and could not calm myself down. They decided as i was only 5cm dilated that i should have pethadine. This did absolutely nothing for the pain. All it seemed to do was make me very sick, i could not stop throwing up the whole way through the labour.
By early morning the pains were coming every minute but i was still only 5cm dilated so still had a long way to go. The pain in my back got even worse and we discovered that the baby was back to back which means although she was head down she was facing the wrong way. So i had to lay on my left side and try to get her to turn. By this point the anaethasist was called and i had an epidural (THE MOST WONDERFUL DRUG IN THE WORLD). This completely took away the pain and the feeling in my left leg!
I managed to get in an hours sleep and then the day shift midwife came in and checked me over. My waters still hadn't broken so they tried to break them. There was looks of concern at this point as they were having trouble. After calling in the doctor to take a look at me it turned out they had broken my waters but nothing had come out... they were not that concerned my that but more about the amount of blood i was losing. After more examinations and discussion we discovered this was simply down to two biopsies i had had previously down there. Aparently scar tissue bleeds in a different way.
Baby was still back to back and there was no sign of movement. They put a monitor on my tummy to try and keep track of the baby's heart rate but she kept moving and it proved difficult so they put a monitor inside me and attached it to the baby's head.
This whole time my mum and husband had been amazing at keeping me calm and making sure i had everything i needed. Phil even started crying at one point because he could not bear to see me in so much pain, in a sick way it was quite heartwarming that he cares about me so much.
After quite a few more hours the monitor started jumping around a bit and the midwife suspected it meant i was fully dilated and ready to push but after the epidural and god knows how many top-ups i couldn't feel it. She gave me an hour to rest up before we began pushing.
So the pushing... as i had no feeling i had to watch the baby's heart rate on the monitor and wait for it to go to a certain number and push as hard as i could. Each time i got these contractions i got in about 3 or 4 pushes before the contraction finished. Then the contractions started to die down so they hooked me up to a hormone drip to get them going again. After 2 1/2 hours pushing i started to get very sleepy and even more sick. It seemed as the baby was facing the wrong way her head was getting stuck under my pelvic bone. We simply couldn't get her out. So the doctor was called.
She came in and as quick as a flash they put up some styrups to see if that helped but it didn't. Then she told me that they were going to try forceps but the baby's heart rate was getting dangerously high so they would do this in theatre and if this did not work they would do a C section immediately...
Within 5 minutes i was being rushed on a trolly to the operating table. By this point i was crying my eyes out as i just wasn't prepared for a C section and was terrified (more for the baby than me though). In theatre they gave me a general anaesthetic so i had no feeling from my chest to my toes. In went teh forceps and i pushed when i was told to push. I have never tried so hard at something in all my life as i was determined she was coming out this way and not through my tummy. The doctor then informed me i needed an apesiotomy (to be cut). Phil looked up just at the wrong time and saw them do it and decided to start telling me about the amount of blood there was which was really helpful!
Then i heard a couple of people say "ah look at those chubby cheeks" and i realised she was out. I looked over to phil and saw the tears in his eyes and the look of utter amazement. Then the feeling of complete relief when i heard a baby crying. They layed her on me and i just started to cry again. How amazing and i won't even try to begin explaining that feeling as i just can't. Its very unique and it has to be experienced to be believed. I was then another 45 minutes in the room getting stitched up.
My baby was born and i was a mummy. I simply didn't care about anything else.
So she was born on saturday the 15th Sept at 3.45pm and weighed a whopping 8lb 13oz.
Next week i will tell you all about how the recovery went and how i coped taking my baby home. I would type it up now but i think that will do for this installment.
See you next week - Proud mum
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Summer week 41

9 day overdue!!!!
Well i am physically and emotionaly drained now. On Monday i had a membrane sweep which has a 70% chance of starting off the labour. While doing this the midwife discovered that i was in fact 1 - 2cm dilated (i was finally in labour)!!. She could feel the babies head and everything. So it seemed to be a matter of waiting for the contractions to kick in... but it never happened. So Wednesday the midwife came over again and did another sweep. She had to give me the bad news and explain that i was still only 1 - 2cm dilated, which basically meant my labour had stopped (or paused).
So after the second sweep i waited for any sign of the labour progressing. I had severe backache for most of the day and then early afternoon i felt a contraction and 20 minutes later came another and yet another after about 20 minutes. Then just as i am getting my head around the idea of going into labour properly it stopped!!! The dissapointment was just so strong that i cried for most of the evening. My poor husband was very confused and had no idea how to console me. It is very hard to explain how playing this daily waiting game is torture. The sweep hurt like hell and left me with severe backache for the day (both times) and when it didn't work it felt like i put myself through that for absolutely nothing. Oh weirdly the midwife could feel the babies head even better the second time and could even tell me that either she has very fine hair or she has none at all.
I am booked in on monday to be induced. This just adds to my feelings of failure. I am just so cross that my body cannot do this simple thing on its own and that i have to have human intervention to get it started. It makes me feel like i have failed in some way. I know this sounds ridiculous as loads of people have to be induced but it doesn't stop me feeling the way i do. Perhaps its all these hormones too that are making things worse.
Its now Thursday and i have another 4 days until i go into hospital but i have given up on any hope that labour will start again on its own before then. So i am just preparing myself for Monday now instead of wondering every day if this is the day. I think its the only way i can cope with it now. The midwife did say that i could have another sweep on saturday if i want but i think i will give it a miss as it will only lead to dissapointment.
I have avoided going out and seeing anyone as the thought of having to talk about all of this is depressing. Hardly anyone talks to me about anything else at the moment which is hard as i could really do with some distraction. In some ways being at home during the day completely alone is the only salvation i get as noone talks to me about baby stuff. But that is only if i ignore my email and text messages which is hard to do as if you don't reply people assume you are in hospital.
Anyway whatever happens at least i know that this time next week i will definately have my baby.
So next week will be the gory one you have been waiting for where i will tell you all the details of the birth!!!
Speak next week from a very depressed mum to be
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Summer week 40

Well i am now 2 days overdue!!
This part feels like it is passing by so slowly. I saw the midwife on Monday and she told me that they will only allow me to go 2 weeks over my due date. I have to go back and see her on monday (if i haven't had the baby yet) and they will do a membrane sweep if i want one. This is simply running a finger along the neck of the cervix to try and stimulate the cells into starting labour but its not garunteed to start things off although it has a good rate of success.
So now i feel like a ticking timebomb. I am too scared to leave the house as i don't think i could face the humiliation of my waters breaking in public. I did not think it was possible to feel any more uncomfortable than i had been up till now but i was sooooo wrong. I keep having hot flushes and am generally sweating from my body overheating, with every move she makes it is actually bordering on painful and she is so far down. Also i am practically weeing every 20 minutes which isn't great when i am struggling to find the energy to climb the stairs.
On a positive note i think all of these complaints are a good thing as i have not worried at all about the birth. I am too busy wishing labour would start to even comprehend the pain of whats about to happen.
I really thought it was going to start last night as i had unusual pains that felt like contracting pains but after a very restless night it came to nothing. The midwife suggested two things to help bring on labour (but did say that nothing scientifically will work and she will arrive when she is good and ready). The first thing is fresh pinapple which unfortunately i hate. The second thing is oral sex... honestly. Unfotunately for all the women out there she meant oral sex for him!!!! Confused... so was i! aparently there is something in semen which softens the neck of the womb and it works best if it is ingested oraly. Please note that i neglected to pass this information onto my husband - why the hell should he get any treats, its his fault i am in this situation!! So i have been forcefeeding myself pinapple which has so far not worked.
Before you all start giving me your words of wisdom don't bother. I have heard them all - hot curry, sex, walking, cycling, etc etc. As the midwife said she will come when she is good and ready.
Strangely i have been feeling particularly crappy today and have had extreme lower back pains (not too disimilar to period pains) which i have heard is a symptom of early labour. I have a gut feeling about tonight but don't really want to tempt fate so i will say no more.
My only other thing of note is that i am very tempted to turn off my phone. I must get about 10 messages a day asking if i have had it yet!!! Believe me when i say i will let you know. If you are a friend and i have your mobile number i will be texting everyone, i will post a bulletin on myspace and will update my status on my facebook page. Point is, there is no need to ask every day as i will be sure to let you know. If you want to contact me then please do feel free as i am bored stupid but feel free to talk to me about anything else!! Its hard enough to get through each day wondering every second if this is the time without other people constantly reminding you that you are still waiting.
... I should also point out that with every day overdue i go i am getting very grouchy. Sorry. I feel most sorry for my husband as he is definately getting the crappy end of it but i hope he understands.
Anyway best go - got lots of daytime TV to get back to.
Mum to be
XXXXXXXXXXXX

Summer week 39

5 days to go!!!
Still no sign of the baby... I have tried everything to enduce the labour but they really are old wives tales and it will only happen when my daughter decides she wants to make an appearance.
I heard walking is a good way to bring on labour and it also encourages the baby to move down into the perfect position. So we went to Gunwharf Quays over the weekend and did alot of walking. She definately moved down further and i spent the evening having stitch like feelings which i thought may develop into contractions but no such luck.
I guess i just need to be patient and wait it out. It is quite scarey though to think every day "is this the day it happens". My biggest worry is that i won't realise that i am in labour. People laugh when i say this and just say "you will definately know about it" but after talking to my mum it seems that is not such a silly fear. She said that she didn't realise when she was in labour with my sister (first born) as she had expected it to hurt more than it was. She only realised when her waters broke and thought "oh maybe i ought to make my way to hospital now".
I was also comforted to find out that my mum didn't have any drugs for any of the three births she went through. She said she tried gas & air with me but decided she didn't like it and continued with nothing. She said it did hurt but not half as bad as she had thought and she didn't feel the need to use the drugs. I have always thought i had a high pain threshold and this makes me think i have inherited it from her. Thats not to say i won't have drugs but i would be so proud of myself if i did it on gas & air alone. We will see!!!
It has now been two weeks since i left work and the boredom hasn't been as bad. I have had friends stopping by and have managed to find things to keep myself busy. The best thing is that my mum works at a school and has been on school holidays so she has made a point of taking me out and generally popping in for a cuppa as much as she can which has been a god send and has definately kept me sane.
I had half hoped i would go into labour over the bank holiday weekend as all our family were away in different places (with the excpetion of my back up birthing partner, my mum) and it would have been so much easier if it had happened then. I don't mean it in a nasty way but it would have been nice to have had a day or two at home with just us and the baby to get our heads around everything without all the fussing that will inevitably happen.
My biggest worry about having the baby is that people will try to interfere and tell us how i should be doing things. Yes i admit i don't fully know what to do and what to expect but i really want me and phil to learn in our own way and only get help when we ask for it. I know people mean well but just coz they bring up their children one way that doesn't mean its right for us, we have to find our own way of doing things and finding out what our baby responds to and what she doesn't. Its all really exciting and i can't wait to start learning all this stuff.
Anyway i must go and get back to laying about doing nothing!! Thats a lie, i have already cleaned the bathroom and kitchen today.
Fingers crossed i will be writing next week to tell you about the labour and post pictures of my new bundle of joy. Or i will be extremely uncomfortable, grouchy and piling curry down my throat!

Summer week 38

Under 2 weeks to go.
Well the braxton hicks have now completely stopped. So my previous thoughts of an early birth are now not as much of a reality.
Had an appointment with the midwife on monday. She told me that the baby is 2/5ths engaged - in terms that most people (including myself) understand that means that the baby has made it down into the birth canal up to her eyebrows. Timing wise this means nothing as she will push herself further down as fast or as slow as she feels so this is no indication of her due date butat least i know she is in the right position and heading the right way.
I also found out that i am anaemic which as i understand is very very common especially in the last few weeks. I simply have to take iron supplements and increase the amount of green veg & red meat in my diet. I have been taking the iron tablets for 3 days now and discovered a strange side effect today. They can make your stools turn black, quite shocking at first and then i realised why this was.
Anyway this is my first full week off work and i am soooooo bored. I keep finding jobs around the house to do but i overdid it yesterday and ended up having to have a long hot bath and an early night to try to stop my back aching. Annoyingly i am still waking up at 3.30 am and actually getting out of bed around 7am. I am trying so hard to make the most of this time and catch up on sleep and general rest but it is really hard. Its like my body has it in-built that i no longer need to sleep like its properly preparing for the arrival of the baby.
Had a dream the other night that when she was born she turned out to be a HE! The scary thing is that this is very possible! It wouldn't be the end of the world though but i would feel bad for all the pretty girly things people have bought and knitted for me.
Anyway i must get back to my daytime television (yawn) as i have vowed to properly take it easy today.
May speak to you next week (if she doesn't arrive in the meantime)
Mum to be
XXXXXXXXXXX

Summer week 37

Under 3 weeks to go.
I will keep this one relatively short as it is a very trying day today. Its my last day at work and i am surprisingly sad about the whole thing.
Work have given me a nice little monetry bonus and a mother & baby photo shoot voucher where i will get pampered and made over. We are going to the pub shortly for farewell drinks (well coke in my case!). I suspect there may be a few tears before i leave today.
I am definately ready to go though as its quite hard to concentrate on work at the moment when my ankles hurt like hell and my back is also fairly painful oh and the fact that i have to rush to the loo every 5 minutes... Also the drive to and from work had started to worry me as i have to drive along a very busy dual carriageway and i got a bit worried about what i would do if i went into labour while driving.
Oh well, feet up from tomorrow onwards.
Phil has finally got into the spirit of things now and has bought the baby lots of clothes from the pumpkin patch. He is getting so excited. I suppose its not really been  that real to him up until now. He is now planning to have a month off work which will be nice as he will be able to bond with the baby just as much as me. He is going to be such a good dad i just know it.
Well everything is ready for my trip to the hospital and the baby's arrival. There is actually nothing else to do now apart from wait. This is going to be the longest few weeks of my life i just know it.
Had my hair cut last week for the final time so that i look wonderful in thost post labour photos. Nevermind the fact that i will be red, hot & flustered and probably very very knackered but as long as my hair looks good then thats fine!!
Thats really all i have to say this week (i did say it would be short!). If i don't write next week it will be because it has happened early and i am slightly pre-occupied giving birth!!
Might speak to you next week
Mum to be
XXXXXXXX

Summer week 36

4 weeks to go.
I took nest building to an even higher level last week. Something was really bothering me about the nursery - it just looked too crowded. So i decided to remove the wardrobe which led to other furniture needing to be moved around too. In the end i had re-arranged my bedroom, the nursery, the downstairs hallway and the kitchen. Needless to say i was knackered afterwards.
Phil wasn't best pleased either when he came home to see what i had done. It does look nice though but perhaps i shouldn't have done it all on my own. Since then i have had a huge pain in my shoulder blade which i am sure is either a trapped nerve or a pulled muscle, it really hurts all the time but nothing i can do about it as i am not allowed to take any form of pain killers. My own fault i suppose.
My aunty was visiting last week so i spent a couple of days with her shopping which was nice. She bought us a bouncer for the baby.
Had another midwife appointment on monday (might be my last). Everything is fine as per usual. She is in the right place and is getting "engaged". Had more blood taken and now have a huge bruise on my arm! My blood pressure and everything is normal and fine. 
I mentioned about the braxton hicks and that i thought i was going to be early. The midwife seemed to agree with me as she said you only tend to get the braxton hicks at the very late stages of pregnancy. My mum is also convinced that it will be early and has started taking her phone to bed with her!
Everything is ready so i don't know why i am worried about it. My bag is packed & phil knows which numbers to call when the time comes. The only thing i have left to do is to pick some CD's to take with me. I have lots of favourite songs etc but not sure which ones will be good to keep me motivated (thinking some queen or bon jovi classics) something up-beat would be good. I am definately taking Newton Faulkner's new album as "dream catch me" seems to be the anthem of my pregnancy and the one song that will always remind me of being pregnant.
Any song suggestions welcome...
I am now off work for the rest off the week!! and finally leave work next thursday. I am really not sure what i am going to do with my time. Its weird to think i will be having so much time off. I have started selling old clothes on Ebay which is keeping me amused.
Not much else to say really as its been a fairly quiet week. Looking forward to Heroes tonight.
Speak to you next week
Mum to be
XXXXXXXXXXXX

Summer week 34

5 weeks to go!!!!
This is a day early because i tend to write this at work and i am now working shorter weeks so am not at work tomorrow or friday.
Wow - its been a tense week to say the least. Braxton Hicks have now officially started. For those of you that don't know these are simply fake/ practice contractions to get your body ready for the real thing. My sister had a party at her house on saturday night and that is typically where they really kicked in. My mum was there and everything so i tried very hard to play it down but they really can take you off guard and take your breath away.
The next morning i popped into Guildford and they came back with avengance. I was with phil but tried my hardest not to let on what was happening as i didn't want him to panic. But i had such a pain in Next that i had to bend over and lean against the wall for support. Phil sussed something was going on. It was at that point that i suddenly realised what an idiot i was - i had been assuming these were braxton hicks but how the hell do i really know they are not the real thing!! its not like i have done this before! all morning they had been getting worse and closer together but at the back of my mind i kept thinking that the real thing must be more painful than this. I started to consider whether i should go to the hospital or not.
I opted to go home and put my feet up for a bit and sure enough they stopped altogether - thankfully. So it was a false alarm after all.
While we were in town Phil finally bought something for the baby!! He has been fairly supersitious and didn't want to buy anything for her until she was born but Next had a big sale on and he couldn't resist the cute little outfits. I think he is getting really excited now bless him. Everytime that advert comes on the telly where the man is dancing down the street with his baby daughter (i think its for a car) he gets all smiley and says that will be me!
Oh last week i said it was a secret what i was doing on sunday well i can tell you now. We went to the Donkey sanctuary with some friends because my mate Nick was proposing to his girlfriend Clare!! (she has a slight obsession with Donkeys incase the location confused you). The reason we were there too is because my friend Tim works there and had helped him sort it all out. So a huge congrats to Nick & Clare and a big thankyou to Tim for helping out.
The funniest part of the day was the fact that i was attracting all the pregnant animals. This (what looked like) a pregnant donkey kept follwing me and so did this (what looked like)  pregnant cat also wouldn't leave me alone.
I am extremely uncomfortable now and am starting to get a sore back by the end of the day. Sleeping is becoming increasingly more difficult due to regular toilet breaks, heartburn attacks or general bad dreams. I keep having a re-occuring dream that i will go into labour at work. I really do not want that to happen.
My gut instinct about having the baby in August is getting increasingly stronger. I would even go so far as to say i think i will have her in the next couple of weeks. Its very difficult to explain but i just feel like she is ready and trying to tell me she wants out - that does actually sound insane now that i have said it out loud. My bump has dropped really low and she is engaged and in the right position. The best way to explain it is that it feels like she could just fall out at any moment. Obviously that could not actually happen but thats how it feels.
I found out yesterday that at 37 weeks you are actually classed as full term now anyway (40 weeks is the normal full term amount).
I leave work on the 16th but i am really paniking that i will not make this date.
Watch this space!
Anyway the rest of the week will involve lots of sleeping.
Will speak again next week
Mum to be
XXXXXXXXXX

Summer week 33

Under 6 weeks to go!!!
First off let me apologise for not posting last week. I had the week off work and my home computer decided to play up so i couldn't get online to do this. So i will try my best to combine the last 2 weeks.
Last week (week 33) - Was hugely hectic!
Myself and Phil had the week off and i was exhausted at the end of it but realised we hadn't acually acheived much. On the Tuesday we went to my sisters graduation and i had massive issues yet again trying to find an outfit that didn't make me look like moby dick. All my immediate family attended along with a few of my sisters friends. The first thing my mum said to me was "you have certainly got that pregnancy waddle" - Cheers mum. It was a really nice day and really nice to see my sister doing so well but making my way around london was very tiring and my feet had swollen up like balloons by the time i got home.
So the next day we decided to take it easy and go to the cinema. We watched Harry Potter (phils choice definately not mine!) incase you are interested. Then we had our hospital tour that evening. I didn't think i was worried about the whole labour thing much until after the tour and i just felt so relieved that i knew where to go and what to do. I would definately recommend for people to take the tour. We were shown the birthing pool and it was nothing like what i expected. It is in its own room which also has a bed incase you want to get out. You can only have gas & air in the pool but the water is meant to sooth the pains too. That is also why there is a bed in there too - so that if the pain gets too bad and you decide you want more pain relief you can. The only downside to the birthing pool is that there is just one of them so if its already in use you can't have it! so fingers crossed!
Thursday we went to Portsmouth for the day and just walked along the front and even fitted in a game of crazy golf (which i won). The lady in charge of the course asked how long i had left and when i said 6 weeks she responded by say "bloody hell then you are massive". Not the first time i have heard this in recent weeks and i am starting to get a complex. According to my midwife everything is normal and in proportion so i should just ignore everyone else.
After my last blog where i detailed what i had been told about the C section an old friend emailed me and told me that she had had one 8 weeks ago and that it wasn't as bad as i made out. She said it was relatively painless and easy - so apologies if i mislead anyone i was just relaying what i had been told - Beverley congratulations by the way!
So onto this week.
Its been a very strange week. On Monday Phil found out that he may be facing redundancy again. This time we are hoping he gets it as a lump sum of money will mean i can have more time of work to spend with the baby. He will find out next week probably.
I have really struggled being back at work. By the afternoons i am so tired. My feet are actually starting to hurt now and are pretty much swollen all the time (have to wear flip flops to work now as i can't get any shoes on). I am really starting to feel like i am carrying a huge weight - which obviously i am but i haven't really struggled with the weight of the baby before (or even noticed). I am now going to the loo almost every hour. I am drinking so much water as i am constantly thirsty.
The baby's movements are getting so intense that they are really making me feel queezy. arms & feet sticking out all over the place. The midwife said she is laying in the correct position (head down) and is basically ready to be born.
I am definately experiencing braxton hicks (fake/practice contractions) which is leading me to believe that i am going to be early. I have had a gut feeling for a little while now that i will have this baby in August. My gut feelings are usually right. So for precautionary reasons i have finished putting my hospital bag together, now got everything i need for the baby including bottles, a steraliser and bedding. I am 100% ready now. I am also going to make sure we both know how to fit both car seats this weekend.
Most people are very shocked to hear that i am not leaving work until the 16th of August and keep pointing out that i am leaving it very late. But to be honest i would rather be at work keeping busy than sat at home doing nothing and getting very bored.
Ooh changing the subject slightly, i can't remember if i told you about phil wanting to cut the cord. I couldn't believe my ears when he blurted it out in the ante-natal class but he is adament. I have now put my birthing plan together with my midwife and it has been put in writing now so he can't back out (well he probably can if he wants i suppose).
The weekend ahead holds a busy time for me. I have a party on saturday where i am sure i will play the part of taxi driver very well again and i can't really tell you much about sunday - will have to tell you next week as its a secret.
See you then
Mum to be
XXXXXXXXX

Summer week 32

Under 8 weeks to go...
Lets start off with something that is fresh in my mind - last nights ante-natal class! The strange couple didn't turn up this week much to the midwifes relief. Me and phil were the first to arrive (again) and had a giggle with Tanya (the midwife) about the previouse week. She promised that we would be finished much quicker this time.
We went over assisted labour - what happens when things go wrong! The look on my face must have been quite something as she kept apologising to me specifically everytime she said something gory. Funnily enough i can handle most things but when it comes to having the drip tube in your wrist or the epidural cord in your spine i get incredibly squeemish. She ran through the realities of a C section and its much more scarier than i had first thought.
I always thought you couldn't feel anything but she said it actually feels like someone is doing the washing up in your tummy. Also that you are only anethasised from a certain part down and to be aware that the skin on your upper body will still have complete feeling and will get pulled and stretched which can feel very horrible. Then they have to touch your ovaries at one point which will hurt like hell aparently. Anyway i really do not like the sound of that.
The main thing she kept drumming home was the fact that you must stick to your guns and don't let the medical staff do anything you don't want them to and to make sure they keep you updated on what they are doing. That is where Phil comes in, i have to make sure he fully knows my wishes and can communicate them on my behalf as i may be a bit pre-occupied (ie whether i want an epidural or whether i want the injection after the birth to help the placenta out etc). I have decided that i will go onto gas & air then pethadine and will try my hardest not to have an epidural (but i am not ruling it out). Its just the fact that an epidural is a anesthetic and they give you an anesthetic injection to be able to put the cord in for the main anesthetic (anesthetic for the anesthetic - how mad is that) hopefully you are still with me here. Also if you have an epidural you have to have a drip to keep your fluids up and i hate the thought of having a drip. Besides i would be so proud of myself if i a managed to go through it all on gas & air and pethadine.
Anyway moving on. Midwife said i had a urine infection last week so has put me on some antibiotics. Unfortunately these antibiotics have given me thrush so i have to pick up some other antibiotics tonight to take on top of the original ones now. I am pretty sure i have now had a touch of every minor complaint you can get while being pregnant!!! Oh the joys!
Baby is still kicking like mad but it is so much more intense. As i said before you can see arms & legs moving about now which is so strange. She keeps rolling around near my bladder which is driving me mad as i am never out of the loo now. If i plan to go somewhere i have to be sure there are toilets available otherwise i may just wee myself!!! Not that that would even embarrasse me anymore i am so past caring about my dignity.
My ankles are still huge. I went to a wedding on saturday and couldn't even get my feet into a pair of heals which had previously been a size too big! so i had to go in flats looking mightily frumpy and short.
We dug the camcorder and the camera out ready for the big day. Which has promted me to have my picture taken as i have none of me pregnant. It seems a shame not to have a record. IF i can take a nice one i may post it on myspace to show you my hugeness, i may even take one of the fat ankles just to prove that i am not over-reacting about their size.
Anyways thats about it. I am an expert about child birth now after my classes so if you have any questions you know who to ask.
Next week the ante-natal class are meeting up the Royal Surrey Hospital to have a tour of the ward. In fact i have a very busy week next week as me and Phil are taking a week off work. Not going anywhere just having days out. Booked so far is a manicure on Monday, my sisters graduation on tuesday and an ant-natal class on wednesday. We may go shopping in Gunwharf Quays, go to the cinema, go out for a meal (Phils treat) erm i think thats it so far.
Anyway speak to you next week (if i get time to write a blog!)
Mum to be
XXXXXXXX

Summer week 31

Ooooh i am now in the single figures for the count down - 9 weeks to go!!!
Its been fairly uneventful this week again. Although on Sunday i took nest building to a new extreme. I decided to get a new computer desk and bring it into the living room and out of the conservatory, i also decided the conservatory needed a new floor laying down and to be completely re-arranged to make it a nice dining room / chill out room. So we did it all in one day as i simply couldn't wait once i got the idea in my head and Phil wasn't going to argue with a hormonal pregnant woman.
It looks great though and i am really pleased. We have been in that house for a year now and for the first time it is set out the way i want it.
Oh i won that dress from ebay (the one i plan to wear to this wedding on saturday). It arrived yesterday and i tried it on. It looks fab. I am out to prove that you can look great when you are the size of a house! The only thing that lets the outfit down is my flat shoes. Flat shoes just make you look frumpy whoever you are. I tried on some black sequined heels that i had in my wardrobe and they would normally have looked great with the dress but with my ankles the size of tree trunks they look awful and are slightly uncomfortable. I may wear them to the first bit and later on when my ankles start to swell i will put my flats on (people will be too drunk to notice by then). Should be a good wedding though - just a shame i can't drink... anyone need a taxi.
Phil went out with the lads last Friday. Its Safe to say he had a great time as he fell through the door in the early hours of Saturday morning. I practically had to carry him to bed - i was not impressed. At first he couldn't understand why i had the hump until i pointed out that it was pretty stupid to get that leathered when i only have 9 weeks until my due date. What would he have done if i called and told him i had gone into labour!!! The penny dropped and he has decided that he will ease up on his drinking for the last stage.
I had a midwife appointment on monday which went alright. Everything is as it should be. The baby is the right size and all my levels are back to normal again.
We went to the first of the preperational antenatal classes yesterday. Oh that was very informative....good god, why do people have more than one baby if they know what is going to happen? I knew the basics of what happened but we went into great detail about the labour and the drugs etc. I won't gross you out with the details now (i will save that for the final blog entry - the birth) but its safe to say that i will have no dignity left by the end of it.
There were some nice people too. There was a couple who are due the day before me so there is a good chance we will cross paths later on, there was a lady there who i recognised and later realised was my friends sister (will have to say hi properly next week) there were some other couples too and this very interesting couple who i have forgotten their names now. They were a little odd just because he kept interupting the midwife and spouting stuff about shakras, Central gravity, the miams, jesus's time, fertility worships, thai chi etc i think you get the idea. He just kept going off tangent and giving us all lessons in something we were not there to learn. Nice enough fella though. He had just had his tooth sergically removed about an hour before the class so he could have still be under the influence of the sedative he was given (he was definately under the influence of something).
And of course me and phil have a reputation for attracting these people, sure enough we ended up giving them a lift home. I think we made a friend for life there (well at least the next two classes!). It will be just my luck that we end up on the same ward at the same time.
Anyway back to the class. One of the things i questioned the midwife about was breast feeding. Don't all shout and judge me at once but i have never had any inclination to breast feed. I have absolutely no real reason for this i just don't want to. But more often that not i feel very preasurised about this and get the impression it is very frowned upon by alot of people. The midwife (Tanya) had said that they make you breast feed before they let you leave the ward so i asked what if you choose not to breast feed. She proceeded to tell me that they do not have facilities on the ward for formular milk so you have to bring formular milk packets with you and some steralised bottles. If i go into labour suddenly i will not think to quickly steralise some bottles ready to put in my bag so i can see where this is going, i will end up having to breast feed as i have not taken any alternatives with me. It just makes me cross that they tell you its your choice and then try to pressurise you into doing it. I may compramise and breast feed until i get home and move straight onto bottles.
At next weeks class we will be discussing assisted deliveries. So C-sections etc. We will also go into more detail about epidurals and the other drugs you can have.
I have given work (in writing) the date of my last day. It will be the 16th August (6 weeks time). But this leaves me with 4.5 days holiday to take up beforehand. I decided instead of leaving a week early i would have shorter weeks leading up to the 16th. As i have a week of in July already it means that next week is my last full week at work which is great.
Believe it or not but i am still getting bigger. The baby's movements should be slowing down now as there is very little room for the little tyke but i should have guessed that i would be the exception to the rule. She is moving much more and the movements are so much more intense. When she punches you can almost see the hand poking out and when she kicks you can pretty much make out the outline of the foot. But mainly she keeps wiggling her bum. Its quite good actually as the midwife showed me exactly how she is laying and where all her body parts are so with every move i know what it is. Lucky for me she is head down which is just the way she should be at this stage as she is getting into position to be born.
Blimey there is alot on here this week - sorry if you are half asleep now!
Best go. The week ahead brings a wedding on saturday, coffee with a couple of very good friends on sunday, and another ante-natal class on wednesday. I also have a call booked in on monday with Phils solicitor but thats another story...
Bye bye mum to be
XXXXXXXXXXXX

Summer week 30

Hello,
This week i have mostly been e-baying. God i forgot how addictive it is. I now contantly have my ebay summary up on screen in the background to keep an eye on items i am bidding on - its so sad!
Anyway down to business. I had the all clear from the diabetes tests so thats a definate plus point. I have my next appointment with the midwife on Monday, i think i have to see her every 2 weeks now until the baby arrives.
I have booked up the other anti-natal classes (the ones where you practice breathing and discuss the drug options etc). The first one is on the 4th July and i am really looking forward to that, so is Phil strangely.
Phil went away last weekend fishing so i thought i would take the opportunity to get a few things done around the house and pack my hospital bag (the one you keep by the door ready to grab when you go into labour) but to my annoyance i got very little done. Phil had left my dad with strict instructions to not let me overdo it (he knows me so well!). My dad even had to escort me to Tescos and would not even allow me to push the trolley!
I got too tired to do most of the jobs anyway and by sunday night felt a bit off colour again. I did start my hospital bag though. I printed a list off the internet of the basic things you will need and there is so much. My bag is huge but i can happily say that most of it is for the baby like a pack of nappies, cotton wool, baby wipes, baby grows, towels, blankets... the list goes on and on. But the list of things i need to pack for me is horrible: old knickers (as they will get ruined - nice!), breast pads, an old nightdress that will also get ruined, maternity sanitary towels, two towels (preferrably dark colours as they will also be ruined) and they also suggest you take ear plugs and an eye mask as you will probably end up on a noisy ward full of screaming babies. Its safe to say i am now in full panic mode! All of this did however give me an excuse to splash out on all knew toiletries and stuff which is nice. Anyway its basically ready now i just need to make sure it is kept somewhere Phil can find it and that on the day he does not forget to grab my make-up bag too. I could not imagine being parted from my make-up bag especially with visitors coming to see me and the baby. I also don't want my baby to be frightened of me the first time she sees me.
Speaking of seeing i came accross an interesting fact the other day that i would like to share with you. Babies can see when they are born (in fact they can see inside you from around 30 weeks pregnancy) although they can only see a very short distance. Children do not form full 20/20 vision until they are around 8 or 9 years old. Honestly i read this from my pregnancy development website and have since read it on a few other sites. Fascinating stuff.
I am feeling much brighter recently but still get very tired very easily. My ankles are still swelling like balloons but i am starting to get used to it. I am extremely pleased to announce that my belly button still has not popped out!! It has definitely evened off though (its like i don't have a belly button at all). Hopefully it won't suddenly pop out in the last few weeks as i am definitely growing bigger at a very fast rate.
Strangely i had expected to have alot of back pain by this stage with the extra weight. My back has always been fairly weak due to an incident when i was younger. I was in a park with a boy from middle school (Gary Sherlock for those of you that care) and we were on the seesaw, he thought it would be hilarious to jump off while i was in mid air but i neglected to see the funny side when the seesaw came crashing down at full spead and jarred my back. I couldn't walk (or even breath) properly for a little while after and have suffered with a bad back ever since. It gets much worse on cold days or days when i have overdone things a bit but during pregnancy it has been pain free (apart from early on when i threw it out cutting the hedges but that was my own stupid fault).
Anyway... Have you been watching Eastenders??? i can barely bring myself to watch it now as i just want to cry every time Dawn says her baies name. Phil is adament he does not want to change it as he has really got used to the name now so i think he will get his own way on this one. Curse Eastenders.... damn you, damn you to hell!
Not much else going on this week really. Its my friends 30'th birthday at the weekend and we are popping over to her BBQ (weather permitting!) which will be nice as i haven't seen her since being pregnant so its been a long time. Next week will be much more eventful as i have my midwife appointment, anti-natal class and my friends wedding.
Speak to you next week
Mum to be
XXXXXXXXX

Summer week 29

God week 29 already...
First things first - the diabetes tests. Midwife came on Tuesday morning to do the tests and hinted that she now thought i did NOT have diabetes but to wait until the results come back as i could be borderline. I have spent most of this morning trying to get my results but my doctors are being a nightmare and won't tell me anything. They basically said "there are no notes attached to your results so assume they are clear". When i pushed them on this and asked if that really meant i had the all clear they panicked and said they couldn't really tell me anything which is awfully unhelpful. I have had to call the midwife to get her to sort it out for me - just waiting for her to call me back!
The hernia has been ok but mainly because i have been under the strict eye of my husband who won't let me do anything (or at least he wouldn't last week - this week both my husband and dad have quickly forgotten and i am the scivvy again!). But as long as i don't overdo it i can keep the pain to a minimum so thats good.
On to the most annoying and upsetting thing that happened this week. On Tuesday night my entire world came crashing down and now i am stuck in a dilemma! For those of you that watch Eastenders you will be aware that 'Chav' Dawn went into labour on the tube on Tuesday night but more importantly was that before that happened she told a lady what she would be naming her baby... To my utter horror she said the one name in the entire world that i have picked to call my baby!!!
No joke - i was almost crying as this will have a significant impact on whether i still use the name or not. Me and my family are really attached to this name now but with the kind of influence a programme like Eastenders has on the public i am now worried that lots of people will now also use the name and it will become a very popular (and perhaps common name). I big part of the deciding the name was that both myself and my husband have such traditional names and throughout my life there has always been so many people around that share my name. I had 3 Katherine's in my class at school, i worked with 3 Katherine's at my last job and in my current job i have worked with 5 in total. Sound silly and people are probably saying so what but at school to save on confusion they named me Katherine 1 and in my working life i have had to use the shortened version of Kat more and more. I just really liked the idea of giving my child a name that you wouldn't come across so often.
Trouble is i am so attached to the name now that i am not sure if i want to change it. What do i do?????
The wardrobe is finally put together and all the clothes are hung up and waiting to be worn. The entire nursery is set up ready for use now. The nappies are in place and the blankets are all washed. Its getting really exciting now. My cousin gave me a load of girls clothes the other day (which practically filled the wardrobe) and it is just so funny to think that something that small will be wearing them soon. Even Phil got a jittery when he saw the room completed.
Phil is going away this weekend on a fishing trip so i am planning to catch up with a few people i haven't seen for a while which will be nice. My friend Jason had a little girl a few weeks back so i plan to go and visit them. I am also planning to start getting my hospital bag ready. I have printed a list off the internet which gives you a basic run down of the stuff you will probably need - think i will need a truck as there is so much stuff.
Oh, sold the Aerosmith tickets on ebay in the end. Phil made a loss but its better than completely wasting them. Really don't think it was such a wise move to think i could stand around in a park all day. On the subject of tickets i have done something really dumb!! remember i mentioned the play that Orlando Bloom was appearing in well i bid on some tickets on Ebay (row E) but have now realised the day the tickets are for is the same day as my friends wedding... As irony would have it i am still the highest bidder (although there are still 4 days left) so i can only hope that i am outbid otherwise i will be trying to flog these tickets next week too.
We are planning to have a week off together in July (our last break before the baby comes) and decided that as its our wedding anniversary in July too that we are going to London to watch Wicked and stay in a hotel up there and make a night of it. I am quite excited.
The heartburn is getting much worse and i have to be sure that i don't eat too close to my bed time otherwise i am up all night with it. Speaking of bedtimes i am rudely awaken every morning at about 4am as i need to have a wee!
The final complaint this week is my ankles. They are swelling up so much. Phil and i both really pannicked last week as we both thought my feet were going to pop as they had gotten so big. It seems to get worse towards the end of the week and all i can really do is to put my feet up and hope they go down. It sometimes gets to the point where it hurts to walk as the skin is stretched so tightly. I cannot take my shoes off until i am certain i will not need to go out again as i would never get them back on again.
So to sum up i am still none the wiser about the diabetes although it looks unlikely now, the hernia is under control, Chav Dawn stole my baby's name, i am somewhat sleep deprived, my ankles look like a 90 year olds, I am an idiot when it comes to buying tickets (mainly due to my crap memory) but the good news is that I ONLY HAVE 2 MONTHS LEFT!!! YAY!!!
Believe it or not i am in a good mood and am getting more and more excited by the day. I just want to meet my daughter.
See you next week
Mum to be
XXXXXXXXXXX