Kat-out-of-the-bag

Under 8 weeks to go

2012-02-13T08:15:00.000-08:00

Well I am on the home stretch which is brilliant. The only downside is that I am starting to feel really bad again as in the morning sickness is back.
I have a whole new set of ailments to complain about now. The main gripe is the pain I am getting in my pelvic bones... ouch! I read up and apparently it is just my bones softening and readying themselves for the labour but it just feels like someone has kicked me between the legs and I have loads of bruising. It mainly hurts the most after I have been sitting for too long and try to get up, i walk away from my desk looking like John Wayne. I am in too much pain to even be embarrassed by it!
Also I seem to be suffering from horrendous circulation issues in my legs. I wake up in the night and cannot feel whatever side of my leg I am laying on so have to turn over to regain feeling again. Turning over is a massive struggle in itself as I am just so heavy....
Then we move onto the movements of the baby. As there is hardly any room in there now all movements are magnified and I not only feel it but can now see it. The other day I even spilt some water from the force as I had it resting on my tummy. The motions of these movements actually make me feel a bit nauseous and can sometimes really hurt. On the other side of it though it does come with huge reassurances that the baby is healthy and things are going fine. What I love the most is that the baby really responds to my daughters voice. She sings to him sometimes and he moves erratically every time, it is so special to see and is helping my daughter to bond already.

The swelling in my ankles and feet seem to have stopped so that is nice but the heartburn is becoming quite unbearable. I am living on Tums and am pretty sure I am consuming more than the recommended dose. Someone told me that severe heartburn is a sign of your baby having lots of hair and this was proved right when my daughter was born so looks like I am having another hairy one!

The tiredness is really hitting home now and more so because I am up so many times in the night either with having to lug my huge body onto its other side or just needing the loo as baby is on my bladder.

At my last midwife appointment she did tell me that the baby is head down and very low. I took this to mean the baby is getting into position and I should prepare myself that he could be making an early appearance but I think that may be wishful thinking,

I do feel much more prepared now as we got the cot and changing unit out of the garage and cleaned it all up. The equipment is all set up in Summers room now and I even put the bedding on the moses basket and cleaned up the old rocking chair I had for night feeds with Summer. I have bought lots of clothes, vests, bibs, socks, hats, blankets etc. We have sorted out some of our finances in preparation for my maternity leave also.

I am definitely winding down on the work side of things. I had a client meeting up in London last week which absolutely wiped me out so I have pretty much ruled out anymore client visits now. I have now given official notice of my leaving date and am using up outstanding holiday by working only 4 day weeks from this week which will help loads with my tiredness.

We are off to Butlins this Friday for a long weekend away. Both my husband and I thought it was important to give our daughter just one last weekend away where it is all about her and get that quality time in. It will also do us all some good to get away for a few days and have a change of scenery. My daughter has really turned a corner and has grown up a bit more. She really tries to look after me and is always making sure I am alright. She tries to help me wherever she can and is really making me proud. The other night she slept in our bed and I was suffering with pains in my back so she insisted on scratching my back to try to help me sleep. She is only 4 so to be showing that amount of compassion is pretty incredible at her age.

Next week I think I will pack my hospital bag and that is the last thing on my to do list (other than the birth that is). I just need to remember what I should pack but I am pretty sure I will find helpful lists online.

Until next time
XXXXXXXX

Week 30 - getting inpatient

2012-01-26T13:49:00.000-08:00

As I enter my 30th week I am really starting to feel it. The babies movements are becoming quite intense and if I look hard enough I can almost figure out which body part is pushing out (usually feet or elbows).
My ankles have still not started swelling up badly but they really do hurt at the end of the day. The heartburn is back too with avengance. There are so many ailments that I can't even be bothered to list them. The final physical problem is the ever increasing bump which seems to grow every day. I am really struggling now to find any clothes baggy enough and as for walking well... it is well and truly a waddle now.

Work is really difficult as on top of the tiredness and lack of concentration I am simply losing my focus and find myself drifting off in my own thoughts at my desk making baby plans, thinking about what I still need to buy, what I should be packing in my hospital bag and generally counting down the days till I leave.
This has all been made so much easier lately as my best friend now works with me so it is great to have her additional support and having three children of her own she completely gets it all.

My depression has been up and down over the last couple of weeks. One thing I am sure of, however, is that it is triggered mainly by my daughters misbehaviour. We started doing star charts and a reward system for good behaviour which seems to be doing the trick and it has made for a more pleasant home life.
The last week has been stressful with an ever increasing workload, deadlines, tiredness and a few bouts of paranoia so my mood has taken some dips. I can see when it is happening though and try to pull myself out - which I am able to do at the moment without medication so its all good.

We booked a holiday for next month, just going to Butlins for a long weekend but it is a getaway which will do us all good and give summer some quality time before the baby comes.

Last weekend we got the cot and changing unit out of the garage and it is all set up now in Summers room. She is so excited about having her brother in the room with her. I feel a bit of relief that we are pretty much ready now. I really only need to pack my hospital bag but I will wait another few weeks before I do this. I also got loads of boys clothes from a charity shop.
My mum also found a fantastic bargain of a pushchair which we have bought together so I am really pleased as this was the only thing I wanted brand new.

Anyway seeing the midwife again next week and then I have a final scan on the 24th Feb.

Third Trimester - 28 weeks

2012-01-16T08:12:00.000-08:00

Wow - the response I had after last weeks post was very overwhelming and unexpected. I think above all it hit a familiar note with many people and some friends were very surprised about how I had kept my feelings hidden (comes from years of practise).

Anyhow this week things are looking much brighter. I started to feel a bit brighter once I had acknowledged that my depression was creeping back in. Quite often its that first, and difficult step, that is the biggest hurdle. I had a midwife appointment booked in last Friday and had every intention of speak to her about the depression and perhaps even going back onto the medication. My husband came with me for moral support (and I suspect to ensure I didn't chicken out). I found it easier than I had thought to come out with it and contrary to the way I suspected her to react she was incredibly supportive and didn't make me feel like I was just being a drama queen. She agreed that the symptoms sounded as though it was creeping back and was open to putting me back on medication. I, however had a change of heart and decided that I would not take the pills and see how things went for a little while. I went through all the issues I was having with my 4 year old and they agreed it was probably a bit more than temper tantrums and gave me a number for someone at the Health Visitors office.
We agreed that if this was the trigger for my depression this time then it was worth trying to sort it out before medicating.

I also had the results back from my tests and I am pleased to say that I do not have anaemia or diabetes although I am just below the line with the Diabetes and it will be closely monitored. I may have to have the glucose test again but for now I am in the clear.

Another nice thing happened at my appointment and that was that while booking in my next appointment the midwife said (very flippantly) "oh that will be my last day". she continued talking and I had to stop her and ask what she meant. Turns out she is retiring and the lady who I had wrongly assumed was just in the room observing will actually be my new midwife. I was so pleased as I have not really hit it off very well with my current midwife and felt that I haven't had her full attention (may explain why if she is winding down to retirement). Her replacement is lovely and I had an immediate connection and could feel real warmth from her (which is a trait you want from a midwife).

In the meantime I have contacted the health visitor and they are sending someone out to assess my daughter. So that is another thing that may be rectified soon.

My bump has grown quite large now but it is a cute bump, the kind I aspired to have the first time around. The baby kicks and moves all the time now and my daughter has even felt him. We had to explain to her how the baby got in my tummy so we told her that daddy put a seed in my tummy which has grown into a baby. She is very annoyed however that she didn't get to see daddy put the seed in there - she has no idea how lucky she is!!

Reaching 28 weeks is nice as I am now in the third trimester (the home straight). I have started watching the new series of one born every minute and having flashbacks to my first labour. This time though I am not in the least bit frightened or anxious. I'm actually excited... which even I find a bit odd. I think it is because I went through hell the first time with a 36 hour labour I feel like I know what to expect and can therefore enjoy the amazing wonderment that is bringing a new life into the world rather than just panicking about what might happen next... or maybe I am just really excited about meeting my little boy.

The next week or so I will be trying to get sorted with the room and clothes etc as I do think I am completely under prepared.

A very honest post from Week 27

2012-01-06T03:15:00.000-08:00

Well Christmas and New Year were eventful and not in a good way. I had, what was quite possibly, the worst Christmas ever for reasons I will detail in this blog.

It began around the beginning of December. My 4 year old daughter seems to have become possessed. She started playing up and has gotten naughtier by the day. It started with her saying no to everything and refusing to do anything we tell her such as getting dressed, eating her dinner or simply not answering back to us. This progressed and she started being a smart arse with us saying things like "I don't have to do that if I don't want to" and "you can't tell me what to do". She has basically turned into a stroppy teenager overnight. We are yet to find a punishment that works on her, she just seems to be completely emotionless toward anything we implement. At the moment she has had most of her Christmas presents confiscated and has to earn them back through good behaviour but she doesn't seem at all bothered by this. I could go on and on about the ways she is naughty and the awful things she has said and done over Christmas but I simply couldn't fit it into this one blog. To sum it up on Christmas morning while opening her gifts she whispered to me with a smug smile "Santa obviously didn't know I have been a naughty girl, I got away with it".

Anyway as a result of this bad behaviour and my lack of control over her I started to get very stressed and became very worried about my blood pressure as I was having dizzy spells, one day I lost complete balance for the best part of a day and could only walk to the left... Also my tiredness had reached a point that I did not experience with my first pregnancy. Then when I started being violently sick I knew I had to sort it out. So I went to the midwife who booked me in for a glucose tolerance test. I pointed out that I thought maybe it was more to do with anaemia as I had looked it up and seemed to have all the symptoms, also with my lack of appetite it was to be expected. So she booked me in to have that tested too.

However, since that visit my well being deteriorated even more and from boxing day to new years day I couldn't go through 24 hours with having a meltdown. I cried so hard and the only thing to stop me was if someone popped over to see me as I didn't want anyone to see me like that as it would lead to questions I could not answer. Such as why was I crying? at first I didn't know but the more I was left with my thoughts the darker I spiralled and had some awful thoughts. The main theme being that I was a terrible mother for bringing my daughter up to be acting in such an awful way. She spoke to me like dirt and I started to think that maybe I deserved it. Over the festive period many people had ideas and opinions on how I should be handling her which just worked to firm up this idea in my head that everyone thinks I am an awful mum. These thoughts then led on to my unborn baby and the fact that I shouldn't be having him. If I couldn't handle my daughter it was simply not fair to bring another baby into the world for me to mess up.
Among these awful thoughts was an overwhelming feeling of utter hopelessness and despair. I just wanted to withdraw from everything around me and shut myself in my bedroom alone for a really long time. These are feelings I have felt before and deep down I knew what was really going on.

Meanwhile, it didn't take long for my husband to figure that something was not right. New years eve was the climax of my breakdown as I saw the new year in alone in floods of tears. I had insisted that my husband go out with his mates as I didn't feel much like celebrating. He really didn't want to leave me but I practically forced him out. I was supposed to have a girls night with my daughter, eating chocolate and playing games but by this point summer had not only pushed every boundary with me but she had even taken to refusing to talk to me as she hated me. So she was put to bed for bad behaviour and I saw in the new year alone feeling really sorry for myself.

New years day my husband confronted me properly and said he had been online and strongly suspected I had prenatal depression. Deep down I had already worked this out but didn't want to face it. I was diagnosed with very mild depression last year and stopped my medication when I fell pregnant. I thought I had been coping well but it is time for a reality check - I am not well.

I have my next midwife appointment next week and plan to be honest with her about my emotional state as I suspect this is more likely to be the cause of dizziness and tiredness. So I have not been diagnosed with prenatal depression yet but it wouldn't come as a surprise if that is the outcome next week.
Since facing up to this I have been a bit better. I still feel quite lost and very down on myself but going back to work has been a welcome distraction.

I couldn't decide if I was going to write this blog as it is extremely personal and I never like to bring this sort of attention to myself and certainly do not want anyone to treat me any different. But the purpose of these posts are to give an honest account of my pregnancy and hopefully help other people going through similar things. Prenatal depression is more difficult to recognise than post natal as people ignore their feelings and put it down to pregnancy hormones and scientists think it is more common than the 1 in 10 official stats.
If just one person reads this and can relate to the thoughts and feelings and therefore gets help and a diagnosis then it is worth it. Pregnancy should be an amazing experience that you should embrace and not feel like a chore and something you want to get out of the way. Even writing this blog has made me feel a bit better.

One last point is that you are only as strong as the support you have and my husband has been incredible throughout. A year ago one sight of me crying and he would get mum over to sort me out or just "get out of my way" and go out somewhere for the day. But he has just said all the right things and done exactly what I need him to do which most of the time is just give me a hug.

I had my blood tests done today for anaemia and diabetes but I suspect they will come back negative.
Will update you next week.

Happy new year
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The middle bit - not a lot happens

2011-12-14T05:59:00.000-08:00

I haven't blogged for a while so thought I should before Christmas gets in the way and I really won't have time.

The main reason I have been absent is simply that there is not much to say. I have had no appointments, no crucial news or advice to depart and no significant worries. It’s all a bit dull to be honest.

My bump is stupidly big now and I am only 24 weeks, I am trying not to think how big I may end up! The bigger bump is proving more difficult to manage especially with finding clothes to fit and general backache.

The heartburn is back and worse than ever. I have discovered that Tums are much nicer and work just as well but I am basically eating them all day (within the restricted allowance obviously). It is starting to keep me awake at night too which isn't very nice. The backache can get to a painful climax by the end of a day and I am starting to struggle to get out of chairs if they are too low down. The heels have gone today and the flats are here to stay until the baby is born I suspect. Not the best look for a 5ft 2inch round munchkin but totally worth it.

I am also starting to get an annoying pain next to my belly button. I had this last time and they said it was a hernia but this time they have agreed it is not a hernia at all but just a nerve issue and has a lot to do with the way the baby is laying - not that it makes it any less painful.

No swelling of fingers, feet or ankles this time around which was well underway last time so I am very pleased. The baby moves about and kicks in interesting patterns through the day. Seems to be most happiest when I am at work which is odd (perhaps it’s the peace and quiet here). The kicks are getting very strong too, starting to actually see them now which I will never get used to.

I had one emotionally charged day this week where I had been through the weekend from hell (various reasons I won't go into now) and thankfully had the Monday off work. I spent that day crying for the most part. I honestly could not say if it was a legitimate down day or if it was hormonally charged but it wasn't nice whatever it was. I'm all good now though.

To be honest I quite often forget I am pregnant until I look down. I know that sounds like a strange thing to say but it is true. The first pregnancy I was monitoring absolutely everything, all aches and pains were looked up on Google just to make sure they were normal, all signs of stress or things that caused high blood pressure were immediately rectified. This time around I feel like I am just floating through it, almost like it is happening to someone else. I haven't even brought anything for the baby yet which is very odd for me. Maybe it is because I am an experienced pregnant person now or maybe it is because with a four year old to look after I don't get time to think or worry about myself so much. Whatever it is it is making the time fly by which is good. I only just realised I have 16 weeks left which isn't very much actually.

I have been getting a few painful twinges and I am pretty sure at my next appointment they will tell me my blood pressure is up. I have been overdoing it especially at work. Not sure why I keep volunteering to work 14 hour days... or even putting my hand up for new work that comes in. I can't really cope but hate having to admit that. I should be resting more than I am and will make it my mission over the Christmas period to do just that.

I will blog again in the New Year, unless I get bored at Christmas.

Merry Christmas XXX

Did we or didn't we?

2011-11-23T03:55:00.000-08:00

Well after a couple of months deliberating about finding out the sex of the baby the day finally came. I had told my husband that it was entirely his decision if we were to find out but he couldn't decide.

In the waiting room, about to go in for my scan, he still hadn't decided and said I will let Summer decide. I wasn't too pleased about resting this decision on a 4 year old that really has no concept of what is going on.

So I went in and Summer sat beside me holding my hand (she was very worried that it would hurt even though I had assured her it didn't). It was a rare occasion that the baby was not moving about which was frustrating for the sonographer who needed it to move so she could get all the measurements. Eventually after some prodding it obliged and she was able to measure the important organs and bones which were all as they should be. Apparently it has a rather big tummy but Summer was a whopping 8lbs 13oz when born so this wasn't a shock to me.

Then she came to the bottom end of the baby and clear as a bell I saw an extra little something that had not been there in Summers scan! I kept quiet in case I was wrong and it was the cord or something. Then she asked if we would like to know. Phil squirmed for a whole 10 seconds before saying yeah go ahead. The sonographer confirmed that it was in fact a boy!!!

I have always maintained that I would be happy either way but deep down I think I always hoped it was a boy to complete our family and give us one of each. I immediately realise just how lucky we are as most parents would love to have one of each but end up with 3 girls!

Not only that but also to have two healthy pregnancies and babies (touch wood) has not gone unnoticed by us. We are truly blessed and I feel like this baby boy will be the last piece of our puzzle and will complete our family.

Phil’s immediate reaction was to announce that we will definitely have to move house so that the kids can have their own room. This was shortly followed by his excitement over having someone to go to the gym with. I think he will have a while to wait until then!

Summer reacted by giving me a look of "yeah I knew it was a boy". She immediately suggested Charlie or Jackson as possible names which I am assuming are friends in her pre-school class.

We have got a short list of names which we have pulled down to two possibles but I am not sharing that until he is born. I may change my mind between now and April anyway.

Scan aside I have still been feeling pretty awful. Tiredness that I can't even begin to explain. I also now cannot walk too fast otherwise I get a pulling on the front of my tummy that is difficult to explain but extremely uncomfortable. Best way to try and describe it is to imagine you have drunk lots and lots of water and then run down the road and you can feel it swishing about which gives you a weird sensation. I suggest you try doing that just so you get an idea of how I feel!

So now onto the shopping. I will need to buy lots of stuff now the colour has changed. Most of Summers old baby clothes are pink and I got rid of the bottles etc. So I must start stocking up.

I now don't have a midwife appointment until in between Christmas and new year.

Kat

XXXXX

Go with your instincts

2011-11-16T05:59:00.000-08:00

My instincts are rarely wrong and yet again this has proved to be the case. When my midwife told me I would need to have consultant led care I was rather surprised and bemused. None of my family or medical history has changed since the first pregnancy and I couldn't see any other reason to be so heavy handed with my care.

So I went along to the hospital appointment last week to see the consultant. What a complete and utter waste of time.

First off I had to wait an hour and a half to be seen which didn't put me in the best of moods, this coupled with the fact that the waiting room was filled with women who were either morbidly obese or very young meant I really didn't want to be there.

I eventually got seen after complaining about the wait. I hate complaining but it is amazing how quickly after that I was seen so maybe my husband is right and it does have its benefits. So I met Mrs Watkins who was very nice. After going through a list of questions she also had the bemused look that I had on her face and very matter of factly said "I am seriously unsure why you have been sent to me, You won't need to come again" and "I think your midwife was a bit gung-ho".

The questions that had originally raised the alarms were: does anyone in yours or your husband immediate family have any heart problems, my answer was yes as my mother in law had heart surgery a few years ago. This apparently has no relevance on my health as she is my in law. Next - Could you give more detail on the heart palpitations you suffered during the last pregnancy, I said that I was told to cut out caffeine which seemed to control it and I haven't had a reoccurrence. This again therefore, had no relevance to this pregnancy. Next - Could you give more detail on the hernia you were diagnosed with during the last pregnancy, I said that I have had no problems with it since and it only hurt when I was heavily pregnant. The consultant then asked if I had a lump or my belly button popped out, both of which I answered with a no. She then informed me that I had therefore been misdiagnosed and it could not have been a hernia. The last question referenced a couple of cervical biopsies I’d had years ago. She said "it says here you have had to cone biopsies" to which I replied "what is a cone biopsy" she went on to explain that a cone biopsy is quite severe and they remove the whole top layer of your cervix while you are under general anaesthetic. This is not what I had had done at all, mine was very small and unpainful biopsies which I underwent while conscious. I have no idea why the midwife would have written something that I clearly hadn't said so the consultant just said that again these biopsies have no relevance to my pregnancy!

The thing I was most concerned and annoyed about (my weight) didn't even factor into the conversation. All she said is that because my BMI is over 30 (it is 30.7!) I will have to have an additional scan at 34 weeks which isn't a bad thing really. Anyway she let me hear the heartbeat again before leaving and sending in another midwife.

This midwife, Clare, was really nice and just relayed what had just been discussed and what would be sent to my doctor. Then she asked if I would take part in a research study they were doing in partnership with Cardiff University on pregnancy in obese women. She told me that I would have to fill out 3 questionnaires at different stages and they would send me a £10 voucher for the baby and 12 free slimming world vouchers so I said what the hell, sign me up.

The worst part about my pointless visit to the hospital was after the appointment when I was waiting at the desk to get a scan appointment date and I noticed an area slightly separate from the other waiting room and in there was a midwife who seemed to be consoling a lady who looked to be about 5 or 6 months pregnant. I was trying to not be nosey but I caught a few odd words and it was obvious she had lost her baby. I almost broke into tears then and there. Miscarriages happen all the time and I am not saying that it is easy at any stage of pregnancy but when it happens at the later stage it must be worse. You have grown so attached to the idea by then and the absolute worst part is that you have to go through the birthing process. Being at 5 months myself I just really felt for her and the very thought of going through that myself really upset me.

The really good news is that I have my second scan next week and I may or may not find out the sex. Check back next week to find out!

Kat

Almost halfway

2011-11-09T10:13:00.000-08:00

I am now 19 weeks pregnant (almost halfway point). At my midwife appointment the other week I did get to hear the heartbeat. It was much faster than I remembered but felt nice to hear it and that it was all normal and strong.

There has been so much movement over the last week. My stomach feels like a washing machine on a spin cycle. The kicking feels like flutters but every now and again it feels like my whole stomach has turned over - much like the feeling you get when you drive over a little hill really fast.

I am still yet to buy any maternity clothes but have found some nice bits in Debenhams and M&S. I have however got myself some flat shoes as my back is still struggling with the extra weight. The bump is getting bigger by the day but unlike last time it is all staying at the front (apparently a clear sign of carrying a boy). Last time I just got bigger all the way around (apparently a clear sign of carrying a girl).

Last week I had started to stop feeling so sick and even got some of my appetite back. This was only short lived and I am yet again unable to eat properly (if at all). I feel tired all the time and am pretty much unable to function in the evenings. Any evening plans fill me with terror as I just cannot function beyond 6pm. The heartburn is on and off but when it flares up it is incredibly painful. I have discovered that Rennie tablets are much better than Gaviscon and will now not go anywhere without them!

Went to a wedding last week and saw some friends that I have not seen in a while. All of them commented on my weight loss. I even had some comments on my bigger boobs, slightly inappropriate but I was flattered all the same. Although while on the subject my boobs have definitely started to get bigger. I am just wondering when I will have to give in and wear the hideous maternity bras.

I am seeing the consultant on Friday (the appointment I missed the other week). I have no idea what to expect but I am guessing they will weigh me and ask a load of questions. Would be a bonus if I got another scan out of it.

Anyhow, I am off to bed early tonight as I have a late night tomorrow going to see rock of ages in London. I have to plan ahead for a late night to ensure I can manage it!

Kat
XXXX

Second trimester

2011-10-26T05:55:00.000-07:00

Things are very fast moving in the pregnancy world and the second trimester is probably the quickest part.
I am at 17 weeks now and the itching has begun! I forgot how irritating this could be, I literally itch from head to toe at the most inconvenient times. Mainly when I go to bed or am trying to chill out in the evening. Based on last time around I am hopeful that this won't last long as it has an awful affect on my mood.

The other thing is that I can feel the baby moving (or kicking). At the moment it is very infrequent and I can only really feel it if I am lying still as it is quite faint but that will increase over the coming weeks and will probably be another thing that will keep me awake.

My appetite is getting better although I still have to eat as soon as I am hungry otherwise I go off the thought of eating very quickly. Also when I eat I can only manage tiny portions so it is a case of trying to eat little and often which is better for you anyway. The upside to this is that I have lost half a stone since the beginning of my pregnancy so keeping the babies additional weight and water retention in mind I think I have lost about a stone in total. Not the best way to lose weight I admit but still happy about it all the same.

With so much going on lately I completely missed my first consultant appointment at the hospital last week - whoops. Had to re-arrange for the 11th November, I hope they are not to angry with me when I turn up. I have my second midwife appointment in two days where there will be many more tests (urine, blood etc). I am trying to remember if I will be able to hear the baby's heartbeat at this appointment. I will have to let you know next week.

As I get heavier I am fearing for my back. I have a weak back anyway and have thrown it out on many occasions. During my last pregnancy I threw it out cutting a hedge and I have had the sort of twinges lately that indicate it is struggling. If I walk too far or do too much housework I spend the next day struggling to get out of the chair and walk. Best reason I have ever had to be lazy really!
I will just have to take it easy and be extra careful.

Not long until the second scan now (3.5 weeks) and still no decision made on finding out the sex of the baby. I had decided to go along with my husband and not find out but now he is back tracking and thinks maybe he does want to know. Think I will just let him decide!

The final thing I want to mention this week is maternity clothes. Why on earth can I not find any really nice maternity wear? I love what Emma Willis wears on the telly but god knows where she gets her stuff from as I just cannot find anything that comes close. I may email her management and try to find out. It seems the word frump is very closely associated with maternity. I spend all day yesterday trying to find some suitable trousers for work and couldn't find a thing. I got all excited when I heard H&M do maternity only to be hugely disappointed to find tracksuit type trousers, smock tops and nothing else. I don't want to pay big prices for these clothes as I won't be in them for long but I am starting to think I have no choice. Instead I bought some really big, normal clothes which should get me by for a little while longer.

Anyhow that is it from me. Getting ready for my big 30th birthday party this weekend where I am going to be dressed as a very scary female chucky doll. This will be a real tester of how sociable I can be without alcohol and also if I can actually have fun without drinking... let’s wait and see.

Kat
xxxxx

Mood swings & sex

2011-10-14T06:43:00.000-07:00

I haven't written in a while mainly because I have been in a constant bad mood over the last couple of weeks and I refuse to write while in a negative frame of mind as it would just turn into a rant.

There have a been a number of changes over the last few weeks. A weakened bladder is by far the worst of it! Other changes include a bigger bump (really struggling for clothes now), discomfort and cramps in the side of my tummy and cravings.

To top all of this off I have been intensely busy at work and with tasks that require a great deal of thinking, creativity and problem solving. This is becoming a big problem for me as my brain is getting a bit jumbled, my thoughts are much more clouded and not as sharp as they usually are. This in turn causes a great deal of frustration and generally just making myself look stupid!

A lady said to me the other week "I got post natal depression when I had my daughter and I still have it 23 years later" My response - "Oh dear - how old is your daughter". She laughed in my face and I felt so stupid! This is just one example of many.

The main difference between this pregnancy and my last is that I am kind of ignoring that it's happening. The first time around I followed the weekly faetal updates and took on board most of the recommendations from the books etc but this time I really don't have a care in the world. I get a cramp and instead of thinking "oh god what if something is wrong" I actually think "oh great, I'm in that stage already!"

I do think it has been easier this time with much less anxiety and worry. That said, I am still not and will not enjoy it. I really don't get women that say they love pregnancy, I just could totally do without it and have my baby delivered by a stork (think dumbo).

Summer is getting really excited and it is lovely to see. She tells me that she plays mummies at pre-school and shoves a dolly under her jumper. She asks that when the baby is born if she can help feed it, dress it etc. She has also named the baby flower as we thought it would be nice to give it a pre-pregnancy name to make it easier for her. Summer came up with the name flower because the baby is growing like a flower!

She also thinks the baby will come out of my bum! but that is a conversation I will save for another day.

Another nice thing is that although my bump is getting bigger I seem to have slimmed down a bit in other places like my face and many people have commented. This makes me a bit happy, my husband even said that I look really good pregnant which is nice. There is one exception and that is the "funny man" of my office who thinks it is hilarious to tell me daily that I am piling on the pounds!

There is a topic that is starting to worry me a little and that is the sex. NO! not the lack of or too much as your dirty minds would have thought but the sex of the baby. Last time we found out at the second scan that we were having a little girl. This time my husband really doesn't want to know and in some ways I think if he feels that strongly about it then maybe I should give him this one thing and not find out... But I really want to know.
We are at a stalemate with it and I think I may have to be the bigger person and let him win this one. I still have a little while left to make the decision but it does have to be made.

Would you want to know?
Fill in my poll to the right of the page.

Going public and the scan (No more cat analogies!)

2011-09-26T05:06:00.000-07:00

Last week was quite hectic. I subtly made my news public by sharing my blog. To be perfectly honest it was not until this morning though that any of it has felt real.
I finally had my 12 week scan. Still convinced that I was further along or had multiple babies in my tummy I was mildly surprised to hear that I was in fact 12 weeks and 3 days pregnant and there is only one baby there. It all looks ok, they took blood tests for the downs tests which I will hear back in about 5 days.

We took Summer (my 4 year old) along to the scan as I thought it would be good for her to be involved and see proof that there was a real baby in my tummy as I am not sure she fully believes me. She was mesmerised and more concerned that the scan itself was hurting me.

Leading up to the scan has been somewhat hectic though. Had a variety of events to attend over the weekend, most of which involved people drinking. Friday's leaving drinks for a work colleague was really hard as people smoked all around me and I fought the cravings so hard. I did leave early as it just became too hard. Saturday, however, was a different story. It was my best friends 30th birthday and we went for a meal and some drinks and although I was looking forward to celebrating with my friend the thought of staying out late sober was horrible. The reality was very different, we had such a good night. I haven't laughed so hard for a long time, I even stayed out until 1am!

Monday morning approached and I feel like death. I could use another weekend just to sleep. The scan this morning made it worthwhile getting up though. I also have my due date now which is the 6th April. It is nice to have something to work too.

Oh, My husband and I have also been disagreeing about finding out the sex at the next scan. I want to but he doesn't. We did find out with Summer and as this will be our last child my husband thinks it would be nice to have the surprise. If he really doesn't change his mind then I will respect his wishes and not find out (as hard as that will be).

Kat
xxxxx

Summer - 13 days old

2011-09-21T06:32:00.001-07:00

Oh my god, its quite amazing how one little person can make you feel. It is nearing the end of two weeks with my lovely Summer and i already cannot imagine life without her. I find it hard to think what my life was like before her. We definately should have done this years ago.
So after i had been stitched up they wheeled me back to the delivery room. Phil was leaving to get a couple of hours sleep and i suddenly felt extremely terrified as they laid this baby on my to feed and i realised i was completely responsible for her. My mum offered to stay with me until phil came back thankfully. As i had had a general anaesthetic i had no feeling from my chest down so she was a godsend and dressed summer for me. I realised i had no idea how to put on a nappy or anything.
They then wheeled me to the ward to join the other new mums. Some family came to see us and my mother in law snuck in a mini bottle of vodka for me but as i was attempting to breast feed i didn't open it. Phil was kicked out at 10pm and i was terrified again as i had to look after her all onmy own for the whole night!!!
It wasn't too bad as the midwives were constantly checking on me as i was immobile and couldn't even pick her up out of her cot. They gave her to me every 3 hours through the night to feed which went ok. The next day i was determined to go home but i wasn't allowed until i had been for a wee and walked (easier said than done). My legs were like jelly but i managed to take myself to the loo although i was terrified that my stitches would burst. By about 3pm they were happy to let me go home as they had done all there checks on the baby and me and everything was fine.
Luckily for us summer is a very good baby who from the first night home slept all the way through from midnight to 6am which was great. Since then we have had a couple of sleepless nights but on the whole she is very good.
The whole of the first week was taken up with visitors. I was doing ok until about the third day and my stitches became very painful. It turned out i had got an infection and had to be put on very strong antibiotics so the first alcoholic drink had to be put on hold. I had done it for 9 months what was another week!! Then on the third night the breastfeeding became excrutiatingly painful. I had never quite felt pain like it, i think i would have rather gone through the labour again than breast fed for any longer. The midwife came the next day and warned me that the fourth day would be the most painful... she was not wrong. I was quite literally having to bite down on a tea towel just to get through it. But it got too much and through the pain of this and the pain in my stitches i was at breaking point and was inconsolable. Phil tried his best to stop me crying but there was nothing he could do. Summer was getting distressed and was obviously not getting enough food which made me even more upset as i felt i was letting her down. Enough was enough, out came the bottles and the steraliser. Straight away summer was a changed baby and far more content. She slept better and was getting into a better routine and best of all i didn't dread having to feed her. I am glad i tried breast feeding though and it obviously wasn't for me. The midwife was really good about it and made me feel much better. I will not be trying it at all next time.
Finally in the last few days i have felt great again and back to my old self. I find myself just watching Summer for hours. She pulls some cracking faces and her smiles just melt my heart (although i suspect it is just wind and not real smiles). She recognises my voice now and is so alert. She is already desperately trying to crawl, her legs are moving her the right way but she hasn't quite got the strength in her arms yet which really frsutrates her. It won't be long before she is on the move. She could hold her own head up the minute she was born so i would definately say she was quite advanced but she comes from good genes so there is no surprise there ; )
Anyway i am afraid this will be the last blog from me! I have a life now and someone to fill it! I have enjoyed sharing my thoughts and will really enjoy reading them back to summer when she is older as i plan to print them into a little book for her. I hope i have not bored any of you too much and thanks for taking the time to read these.
All that is left to say is that i think if you have the oportunity you should definately have kids they are the future and its the most amazing feeling in the world. Before i had her i thought i understood this but the feeling is far too intense to ever explain in words and has to be experienced to be believed. Perhaps i will do more blogs when the next one is on the way!!!
Thanks again and bye!!!

Summer - the labour WARNING GROSS DETAILS

2011-09-21T06:31:00.003-07:00

Summer is 6 days old.
Sorry this is a bit late but it has been one hell of a week.
Well i went into labour finally on Thursday morning at 6.30. I spent the whole day having contractions. They started to slow down early afternoon so me and my hubby went for a long walk to keep things going.
By about 6-7pm the contractions were about 7 minutes apart so i decided to make my way to my mums house as she lives just down the road from the hospital. The contractions seemed to stay put at 7 minutes apart although the pain was increasing. It was all in my back which is a bit odd. It got so bad that i could barely stand it. They then got to about 5 minutes apart by midnight so we decided to call the hospital. They usually only admit you when they are 3 minutes apart so we had to make it clear that the pain was now unbearable. So my brother drove me, Phil and my mum to the hospital (my mum was my backup birthing partner).
We were put in a room and about 6 hours later i realised i still had not been offered any drugs!!! Turns out the deliver suit was fully booked with emergancies and people coming in after me were actually being turned away!! The pain became so bad that i started to hyperventilate which was very frightening as i just could not breath and could not calm myself down. They decided as i was only 5cm dilated that i should have pethadine. This did absolutely nothing for the pain. All it seemed to do was make me very sick, i could not stop throwing up the whole way through the labour.
By early morning the pains were coming every minute but i was still only 5cm dilated so still had a long way to go. The pain in my back got even worse and we discovered that the baby was back to back which means although she was head down she was facing the wrong way. So i had to lay on my left side and try to get her to turn. By this point the anaethasist was called and i had an epidural (THE MOST WONDERFUL DRUG IN THE WORLD). This completely took away the pain and the feeling in my left leg!
I managed to get in an hours sleep and then the day shift midwife came in and checked me over. My waters still hadn't broken so they tried to break them. There was looks of concern at this point as they were having trouble. After calling in the doctor to take a look at me it turned out they had broken my waters but nothing had come out... they were not that concerned my that but more about the amount of blood i was losing. After more examinations and discussion we discovered this was simply down to two biopsies i had had previously down there. Aparently scar tissue bleeds in a different way.
Baby was still back to back and there was no sign of movement. They put a monitor on my tummy to try and keep track of the baby's heart rate but she kept moving and it proved difficult so they put a monitor inside me and attached it to the baby's head.
This whole time my mum and husband had been amazing at keeping me calm and making sure i had everything i needed. Phil even started crying at one point because he could not bear to see me in so much pain, in a sick way it was quite heartwarming that he cares about me so much.
After quite a few more hours the monitor started jumping around a bit and the midwife suspected it meant i was fully dilated and ready to push but after the epidural and god knows how many top-ups i couldn't feel it. She gave me an hour to rest up before we began pushing.
So the pushing... as i had no feeling i had to watch the baby's heart rate on the monitor and wait for it to go to a certain number and push as hard as i could. Each time i got these contractions i got in about 3 or 4 pushes before the contraction finished. Then the contractions started to die down so they hooked me up to a hormone drip to get them going again. After 2 1/2 hours pushing i started to get very sleepy and even more sick. It seemed as the baby was facing the wrong way her head was getting stuck under my pelvic bone. We simply couldn't get her out. So the doctor was called.
She came in and as quick as a flash they put up some styrups to see if that helped but it didn't. Then she told me that they were going to try forceps but the baby's heart rate was getting dangerously high so they would do this in theatre and if this did not work they would do a C section immediately...
Within 5 minutes i was being rushed on a trolly to the operating table. By this point i was crying my eyes out as i just wasn't prepared for a C section and was terrified (more for the baby than me though). In theatre they gave me a general anaesthetic so i had no feeling from my chest to my toes. In went teh forceps and i pushed when i was told to push. I have never tried so hard at something in all my life as i was determined she was coming out this way and not through my tummy. The doctor then informed me i needed an apesiotomy (to be cut). Phil looked up just at the wrong time and saw them do it and decided to start telling me about the amount of blood there was which was really helpful!
Then i heard a couple of people say "ah look at those chubby cheeks" and i realised she was out. I looked over to phil and saw the tears in his eyes and the look of utter amazement. Then the feeling of complete relief when i heard a baby crying. They layed her on me and i just started to cry again. How amazing and i won't even try to begin explaining that feeling as i just can't. Its very unique and it has to be experienced to be believed. I was then another 45 minutes in the room getting stitched up.
My baby was born and i was a mummy. I simply didn't care about anything else.
So she was born on saturday the 15th Sept at 3.45pm and weighed a whopping 8lb 13oz.
Next week i will tell you all about how the recovery went and how i coped taking my baby home. I would type it up now but i think that will do for this installment.
See you next week - Proud mum
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Summer week 41

2011-09-21T06:31:00.001-07:00

9 day overdue!!!!
Well i am physically and emotionaly drained now. On Monday i had a membrane sweep which has a 70% chance of starting off the labour. While doing this the midwife discovered that i was in fact 1 - 2cm dilated (i was finally in labour)!!. She could feel the babies head and everything. So it seemed to be a matter of waiting for the contractions to kick in... but it never happened. So Wednesday the midwife came over again and did another sweep. She had to give me the bad news and explain that i was still only 1 - 2cm dilated, which basically meant my labour had stopped (or paused).
So after the second sweep i waited for any sign of the labour progressing. I had severe backache for most of the day and then early afternoon i felt a contraction and 20 minutes later came another and yet another after about 20 minutes. Then just as i am getting my head around the idea of going into labour properly it stopped!!! The dissapointment was just so strong that i cried for most of the evening. My poor husband was very confused and had no idea how to console me. It is very hard to explain how playing this daily waiting game is torture. The sweep hurt like hell and left me with severe backache for the day (both times) and when it didn't work it felt like i put myself through that for absolutely nothing. Oh weirdly the midwife could feel the babies head even better the second time and could even tell me that either she has very fine hair or she has none at all.
I am booked in on monday to be induced. This just adds to my feelings of failure. I am just so cross that my body cannot do this simple thing on its own and that i have to have human intervention to get it started. It makes me feel like i have failed in some way. I know this sounds ridiculous as loads of people have to be induced but it doesn't stop me feeling the way i do. Perhaps its all these hormones too that are making things worse.
Its now Thursday and i have another 4 days until i go into hospital but i have given up on any hope that labour will start again on its own before then. So i am just preparing myself for Monday now instead of wondering every day if this is the day. I think its the only way i can cope with it now. The midwife did say that i could have another sweep on saturday if i want but i think i will give it a miss as it will only lead to dissapointment.
I have avoided going out and seeing anyone as the thought of having to talk about all of this is depressing. Hardly anyone talks to me about anything else at the moment which is hard as i could really do with some distraction. In some ways being at home during the day completely alone is the only salvation i get as noone talks to me about baby stuff. But that is only if i ignore my email and text messages which is hard to do as if you don't reply people assume you are in hospital.
Anyway whatever happens at least i know that this time next week i will definately have my baby.
So next week will be the gory one you have been waiting for where i will tell you all the details of the birth!!!
Speak next week from a very depressed mum to be
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Summer week 40

2011-09-21T06:30:00.005-07:00

Well i am now 2 days overdue!!
This part feels like it is passing by so slowly. I saw the midwife on Monday and she told me that they will only allow me to go 2 weeks over my due date. I have to go back and see her on monday (if i haven't had the baby yet) and they will do a membrane sweep if i want one. This is simply running a finger along the neck of the cervix to try and stimulate the cells into starting labour but its not garunteed to start things off although it has a good rate of success.
So now i feel like a ticking timebomb. I am too scared to leave the house as i don't think i could face the humiliation of my waters breaking in public. I did not think it was possible to feel any more uncomfortable than i had been up till now but i was sooooo wrong. I keep having hot flushes and am generally sweating from my body overheating, with every move she makes it is actually bordering on painful and she is so far down. Also i am practically weeing every 20 minutes which isn't great when i am struggling to find the energy to climb the stairs.
On a positive note i think all of these complaints are a good thing as i have not worried at all about the birth. I am too busy wishing labour would start to even comprehend the pain of whats about to happen.
I really thought it was going to start last night as i had unusual pains that felt like contracting pains but after a very restless night it came to nothing. The midwife suggested two things to help bring on labour (but did say that nothing scientifically will work and she will arrive when she is good and ready). The first thing is fresh pinapple which unfortunately i hate. The second thing is oral sex... honestly. Unfotunately for all the women out there she meant oral sex for him!!!! Confused... so was i! aparently there is something in semen which softens the neck of the womb and it works best if it is ingested oraly. Please note that i neglected to pass this information onto my husband - why the hell should he get any treats, its his fault i am in this situation!! So i have been forcefeeding myself pinapple which has so far not worked.
Before you all start giving me your words of wisdom don't bother. I have heard them all - hot curry, sex, walking, cycling, etc etc. As the midwife said she will come when she is good and ready.
Strangely i have been feeling particularly crappy today and have had extreme lower back pains (not too disimilar to period pains) which i have heard is a symptom of early labour. I have a gut feeling about tonight but don't really want to tempt fate so i will say no more.
My only other thing of note is that i am very tempted to turn off my phone. I must get about 10 messages a day asking if i have had it yet!!! Believe me when i say i will let you know. If you are a friend and i have your mobile number i will be texting everyone, i will post a bulletin on myspace and will update my status on my facebook page. Point is, there is no need to ask every day as i will be sure to let you know. If you want to contact me then please do feel free as i am bored stupid but feel free to talk to me about anything else!! Its hard enough to get through each day wondering every second if this is the time without other people constantly reminding you that you are still waiting.
... I should also point out that with every day overdue i go i am getting very grouchy. Sorry. I feel most sorry for my husband as he is definately getting the crappy end of it but i hope he understands.
Anyway best go - got lots of daytime TV to get back to.
Mum to be
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Summer week 39

2011-09-21T06:30:00.003-07:00

5 days to go!!!
Still no sign of the baby... I have tried everything to enduce the labour but they really are old wives tales and it will only happen when my daughter decides she wants to make an appearance.
I heard walking is a good way to bring on labour and it also encourages the baby to move down into the perfect position. So we went to Gunwharf Quays over the weekend and did alot of walking. She definately moved down further and i spent the evening having stitch like feelings which i thought may develop into contractions but no such luck.
I guess i just need to be patient and wait it out. It is quite scarey though to think every day "is this the day it happens". My biggest worry is that i won't realise that i am in labour. People laugh when i say this and just say "you will definately know about it" but after talking to my mum it seems that is not such a silly fear. She said that she didn't realise when she was in labour with my sister (first born) as she had expected it to hurt more than it was. She only realised when her waters broke and thought "oh maybe i ought to make my way to hospital now".
I was also comforted to find out that my mum didn't have any drugs for any of the three births she went through. She said she tried gas & air with me but decided she didn't like it and continued with nothing. She said it did hurt but not half as bad as she had thought and she didn't feel the need to use the drugs. I have always thought i had a high pain threshold and this makes me think i have inherited it from her. Thats not to say i won't have drugs but i would be so proud of myself if i did it on gas & air alone. We will see!!!
It has now been two weeks since i left work and the boredom hasn't been as bad. I have had friends stopping by and have managed to find things to keep myself busy. The best thing is that my mum works at a school and has been on school holidays so she has made a point of taking me out and generally popping in for a cuppa as much as she can which has been a god send and has definately kept me sane.
I had half hoped i would go into labour over the bank holiday weekend as all our family were away in different places (with the excpetion of my back up birthing partner, my mum) and it would have been so much easier if it had happened then. I don't mean it in a nasty way but it would have been nice to have had a day or two at home with just us and the baby to get our heads around everything without all the fussing that will inevitably happen.
My biggest worry about having the baby is that people will try to interfere and tell us how i should be doing things. Yes i admit i don't fully know what to do and what to expect but i really want me and phil to learn in our own way and only get help when we ask for it. I know people mean well but just coz they bring up their children one way that doesn't mean its right for us, we have to find our own way of doing things and finding out what our baby responds to and what she doesn't. Its all really exciting and i can't wait to start learning all this stuff.
Anyway i must go and get back to laying about doing nothing!! Thats a lie, i have already cleaned the bathroom and kitchen today.
Fingers crossed i will be writing next week to tell you about the labour and post pictures of my new bundle of joy. Or i will be extremely uncomfortable, grouchy and piling curry down my throat!

Summer week 38

2011-09-21T06:30:00.001-07:00

Under 2 weeks to go.
Well the braxton hicks have now completely stopped. So my previous thoughts of an early birth are now not as much of a reality.
Had an appointment with the midwife on monday. She told me that the baby is 2/5ths engaged - in terms that most people (including myself) understand that means that the baby has made it down into the birth canal up to her eyebrows. Timing wise this means nothing as she will push herself further down as fast or as slow as she feels so this is no indication of her due date butat least i know she is in the right position and heading the right way.
I also found out that i am anaemic which as i understand is very very common especially in the last few weeks. I simply have to take iron supplements and increase the amount of green veg & red meat in my diet. I have been taking the iron tablets for 3 days now and discovered a strange side effect today. They can make your stools turn black, quite shocking at first and then i realised why this was.
Anyway this is my first full week off work and i am soooooo bored. I keep finding jobs around the house to do but i overdid it yesterday and ended up having to have a long hot bath and an early night to try to stop my back aching. Annoyingly i am still waking up at 3.30 am and actually getting out of bed around 7am. I am trying so hard to make the most of this time and catch up on sleep and general rest but it is really hard. Its like my body has it in-built that i no longer need to sleep like its properly preparing for the arrival of the baby.
Had a dream the other night that when she was born she turned out to be a HE! The scary thing is that this is very possible! It wouldn't be the end of the world though but i would feel bad for all the pretty girly things people have bought and knitted for me.
Anyway i must get back to my daytime television (yawn) as i have vowed to properly take it easy today.
May speak to you next week (if she doesn't arrive in the meantime)
Mum to be
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Summer week 37

2011-09-21T06:29:00.005-07:00

Under 3 weeks to go.
I will keep this one relatively short as it is a very trying day today. Its my last day at work and i am surprisingly sad about the whole thing.
Work have given me a nice little monetry bonus and a mother & baby photo shoot voucher where i will get pampered and made over. We are going to the pub shortly for farewell drinks (well coke in my case!). I suspect there may be a few tears before i leave today.
I am definately ready to go though as its quite hard to concentrate on work at the moment when my ankles hurt like hell and my back is also fairly painful oh and the fact that i have to rush to the loo every 5 minutes... Also the drive to and from work had started to worry me as i have to drive along a very busy dual carriageway and i got a bit worried about what i would do if i went into labour while driving.
Oh well, feet up from tomorrow onwards.
Phil has finally got into the spirit of things now and has bought the baby lots of clothes from the pumpkin patch. He is getting so excited. I suppose its not really been that real to him up until now. He is now planning to have a month off work which will be nice as he will be able to bond with the baby just as much as me. He is going to be such a good dad i just know it.
Well everything is ready for my trip to the hospital and the baby's arrival. There is actually nothing else to do now apart from wait. This is going to be the longest few weeks of my life i just know it.
Had my hair cut last week for the final time so that i look wonderful in thost post labour photos. Nevermind the fact that i will be red, hot & flustered and probably very very knackered but as long as my hair looks good then thats fine!!
Thats really all i have to say this week (i did say it would be short!). If i don't write next week it will be because it has happened early and i am slightly pre-occupied giving birth!!
Might speak to you next week
Mum to be
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Summer week 36

2011-09-21T06:29:00.003-07:00

4 weeks to go.
I took nest building to an even higher level last week. Something was really bothering me about the nursery - it just looked too crowded. So i decided to remove the wardrobe which led to other furniture needing to be moved around too. In the end i had re-arranged my bedroom, the nursery, the downstairs hallway and the kitchen. Needless to say i was knackered afterwards.
Phil wasn't best pleased either when he came home to see what i had done. It does look nice though but perhaps i shouldn't have done it all on my own. Since then i have had a huge pain in my shoulder blade which i am sure is either a trapped nerve or a pulled muscle, it really hurts all the time but nothing i can do about it as i am not allowed to take any form of pain killers. My own fault i suppose.
My aunty was visiting last week so i spent a couple of days with her shopping which was nice. She bought us a bouncer for the baby.
Had another midwife appointment on monday (might be my last). Everything is fine as per usual. She is in the right place and is getting "engaged". Had more blood taken and now have a huge bruise on my arm! My blood pressure and everything is normal and fine.
I mentioned about the braxton hicks and that i thought i was going to be early. The midwife seemed to agree with me as she said you only tend to get the braxton hicks at the very late stages of pregnancy. My mum is also convinced that it will be early and has started taking her phone to bed with her!
Everything is ready so i don't know why i am worried about it. My bag is packed & phil knows which numbers to call when the time comes. The only thing i have left to do is to pick some CD's to take with me. I have lots of favourite songs etc but not sure which ones will be good to keep me motivated (thinking some queen or bon jovi classics) something up-beat would be good. I am definately taking Newton Faulkner's new album as "dream catch me" seems to be the anthem of my pregnancy and the one song that will always remind me of being pregnant.
Any song suggestions welcome...
I am now off work for the rest off the week!! and finally leave work next thursday. I am really not sure what i am going to do with my time. Its weird to think i will be having so much time off. I have started selling old clothes on Ebay which is keeping me amused.
Not much else to say really as its been a fairly quiet week. Looking forward to Heroes tonight.
Speak to you next week
Mum to be
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Summer week 34

2011-09-21T06:29:00.001-07:00

5 weeks to go!!!!
This is a day early because i tend to write this at work and i am now working shorter weeks so am not at work tomorrow or friday.
Wow - its been a tense week to say the least. Braxton Hicks have now officially started. For those of you that don't know these are simply fake/ practice contractions to get your body ready for the real thing. My sister had a party at her house on saturday night and that is typically where they really kicked in. My mum was there and everything so i tried very hard to play it down but they really can take you off guard and take your breath away.
The next morning i popped into Guildford and they came back with avengance. I was with phil but tried my hardest not to let on what was happening as i didn't want him to panic. But i had such a pain in Next that i had to bend over and lean against the wall for support. Phil sussed something was going on. It was at that point that i suddenly realised what an idiot i was - i had been assuming these were braxton hicks but how the hell do i really know they are not the real thing!! its not like i have done this before! all morning they had been getting worse and closer together but at the back of my mind i kept thinking that the real thing must be more painful than this. I started to consider whether i should go to the hospital or not.
I opted to go home and put my feet up for a bit and sure enough they stopped altogether - thankfully. So it was a false alarm after all.
While we were in town Phil finally bought something for the baby!! He has been fairly supersitious and didn't want to buy anything for her until she was born but Next had a big sale on and he couldn't resist the cute little outfits. I think he is getting really excited now bless him. Everytime that advert comes on the telly where the man is dancing down the street with his baby daughter (i think its for a car) he gets all smiley and says that will be me!
Oh last week i said it was a secret what i was doing on sunday well i can tell you now. We went to the Donkey sanctuary with some friends because my mate Nick was proposing to his girlfriend Clare!! (she has a slight obsession with Donkeys incase the location confused you). The reason we were there too is because my friend Tim works there and had helped him sort it all out. So a huge congrats to Nick & Clare and a big thankyou to Tim for helping out.
The funniest part of the day was the fact that i was attracting all the pregnant animals. This (what looked like) a pregnant donkey kept follwing me and so did this (what looked like) pregnant cat also wouldn't leave me alone.
I am extremely uncomfortable now and am starting to get a sore back by the end of the day. Sleeping is becoming increasingly more difficult due to regular toilet breaks, heartburn attacks or general bad dreams. I keep having a re-occuring dream that i will go into labour at work. I really do not want that to happen.
My gut instinct about having the baby in August is getting increasingly stronger. I would even go so far as to say i think i will have her in the next couple of weeks. Its very difficult to explain but i just feel like she is ready and trying to tell me she wants out - that does actually sound insane now that i have said it out loud. My bump has dropped really low and she is engaged and in the right position. The best way to explain it is that it feels like she could just fall out at any moment. Obviously that could not actually happen but thats how it feels.
I found out yesterday that at 37 weeks you are actually classed as full term now anyway (40 weeks is the normal full term amount).
I leave work on the 16th but i am really paniking that i will not make this date.
Watch this space!
Anyway the rest of the week will involve lots of sleeping.
Will speak again next week
Mum to be
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Summer week 33

2011-09-21T06:28:00.004-07:00

Under 6 weeks to go!!!
First off let me apologise for not posting last week. I had the week off work and my home computer decided to play up so i couldn't get online to do this. So i will try my best to combine the last 2 weeks.
Last week (week 33) - Was hugely hectic!
Myself and Phil had the week off and i was exhausted at the end of it but realised we hadn't acually acheived much. On the Tuesday we went to my sisters graduation and i had massive issues yet again trying to find an outfit that didn't make me look like moby dick. All my immediate family attended along with a few of my sisters friends. The first thing my mum said to me was "you have certainly got that pregnancy waddle" - Cheers mum. It was a really nice day and really nice to see my sister doing so well but making my way around london was very tiring and my feet had swollen up like balloons by the time i got home.
So the next day we decided to take it easy and go to the cinema. We watched Harry Potter (phils choice definately not mine!) incase you are interested. Then we had our hospital tour that evening. I didn't think i was worried about the whole labour thing much until after the tour and i just felt so relieved that i knew where to go and what to do. I would definately recommend for people to take the tour. We were shown the birthing pool and it was nothing like what i expected. It is in its own room which also has a bed incase you want to get out. You can only have gas & air in the pool but the water is meant to sooth the pains too. That is also why there is a bed in there too - so that if the pain gets too bad and you decide you want more pain relief you can. The only downside to the birthing pool is that there is just one of them so if its already in use you can't have it! so fingers crossed!
Thursday we went to Portsmouth for the day and just walked along the front and even fitted in a game of crazy golf (which i won). The lady in charge of the course asked how long i had left and when i said 6 weeks she responded by say "bloody hell then you are massive". Not the first time i have heard this in recent weeks and i am starting to get a complex. According to my midwife everything is normal and in proportion so i should just ignore everyone else.
After my last blog where i detailed what i had been told about the C section an old friend emailed me and told me that she had had one 8 weeks ago and that it wasn't as bad as i made out. She said it was relatively painless and easy - so apologies if i mislead anyone i was just relaying what i had been told - Beverley congratulations by the way!
So onto this week.
Its been a very strange week. On Monday Phil found out that he may be facing redundancy again. This time we are hoping he gets it as a lump sum of money will mean i can have more time of work to spend with the baby. He will find out next week probably.
I have really struggled being back at work. By the afternoons i am so tired. My feet are actually starting to hurt now and are pretty much swollen all the time (have to wear flip flops to work now as i can't get any shoes on). I am really starting to feel like i am carrying a huge weight - which obviously i am but i haven't really struggled with the weight of the baby before (or even noticed). I am now going to the loo almost every hour. I am drinking so much water as i am constantly thirsty.
The baby's movements are getting so intense that they are really making me feel queezy. arms & feet sticking out all over the place. The midwife said she is laying in the correct position (head down) and is basically ready to be born.
I am definately experiencing braxton hicks (fake/practice contractions) which is leading me to believe that i am going to be early. I have had a gut feeling for a little while now that i will have this baby in August. My gut feelings are usually right. So for precautionary reasons i have finished putting my hospital bag together, now got everything i need for the baby including bottles, a steraliser and bedding. I am 100% ready now. I am also going to make sure we both know how to fit both car seats this weekend.
Most people are very shocked to hear that i am not leaving work until the 16th of August and keep pointing out that i am leaving it very late. But to be honest i would rather be at work keeping busy than sat at home doing nothing and getting very bored.
Ooh changing the subject slightly, i can't remember if i told you about phil wanting to cut the cord. I couldn't believe my ears when he blurted it out in the ante-natal class but he is adament. I have now put my birthing plan together with my midwife and it has been put in writing now so he can't back out (well he probably can if he wants i suppose).
The weekend ahead holds a busy time for me. I have a party on saturday where i am sure i will play the part of taxi driver very well again and i can't really tell you much about sunday - will have to tell you next week as its a secret.
See you then
Mum to be
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Summer week 32

2011-09-21T06:28:00.002-07:00

Under 8 weeks to go...
Lets start off with something that is fresh in my mind - last nights ante-natal class! The strange couple didn't turn up this week much to the midwifes relief. Me and phil were the first to arrive (again) and had a giggle with Tanya (the midwife) about the previouse week. She promised that we would be finished much quicker this time.
We went over assisted labour - what happens when things go wrong! The look on my face must have been quite something as she kept apologising to me specifically everytime she said something gory. Funnily enough i can handle most things but when it comes to having the drip tube in your wrist or the epidural cord in your spine i get incredibly squeemish. She ran through the realities of a C section and its much more scarier than i had first thought.
I always thought you couldn't feel anything but she said it actually feels like someone is doing the washing up in your tummy. Also that you are only anethasised from a certain part down and to be aware that the skin on your upper body will still have complete feeling and will get pulled and stretched which can feel very horrible. Then they have to touch your ovaries at one point which will hurt like hell aparently. Anyway i really do not like the sound of that.
The main thing she kept drumming home was the fact that you must stick to your guns and don't let the medical staff do anything you don't want them to and to make sure they keep you updated on what they are doing. That is where Phil comes in, i have to make sure he fully knows my wishes and can communicate them on my behalf as i may be a bit pre-occupied (ie whether i want an epidural or whether i want the injection after the birth to help the placenta out etc). I have decided that i will go onto gas & air then pethadine and will try my hardest not to have an epidural (but i am not ruling it out). Its just the fact that an epidural is a anesthetic and they give you an anesthetic injection to be able to put the cord in for the main anesthetic (anesthetic for the anesthetic - how mad is that) hopefully you are still with me here. Also if you have an epidural you have to have a drip to keep your fluids up and i hate the thought of having a drip. Besides i would be so proud of myself if i a managed to go through it all on gas & air and pethadine.
Anyway moving on. Midwife said i had a urine infection last week so has put me on some antibiotics. Unfortunately these antibiotics have given me thrush so i have to pick up some other antibiotics tonight to take on top of the original ones now. I am pretty sure i have now had a touch of every minor complaint you can get while being pregnant!!! Oh the joys!
Baby is still kicking like mad but it is so much more intense. As i said before you can see arms & legs moving about now which is so strange. She keeps rolling around near my bladder which is driving me mad as i am never out of the loo now. If i plan to go somewhere i have to be sure there are toilets available otherwise i may just wee myself!!! Not that that would even embarrasse me anymore i am so past caring about my dignity.
My ankles are still huge. I went to a wedding on saturday and couldn't even get my feet into a pair of heals which had previously been a size too big! so i had to go in flats looking mightily frumpy and short.
We dug the camcorder and the camera out ready for the big day. Which has promted me to have my picture taken as i have none of me pregnant. It seems a shame not to have a record. IF i can take a nice one i may post it on myspace to show you my hugeness, i may even take one of the fat ankles just to prove that i am not over-reacting about their size.
Anyways thats about it. I am an expert about child birth now after my classes so if you have any questions you know who to ask.
Next week the ante-natal class are meeting up the Royal Surrey Hospital to have a tour of the ward. In fact i have a very busy week next week as me and Phil are taking a week off work. Not going anywhere just having days out. Booked so far is a manicure on Monday, my sisters graduation on tuesday and an ant-natal class on wednesday. We may go shopping in Gunwharf Quays, go to the cinema, go out for a meal (Phils treat) erm i think thats it so far.
Anyway speak to you next week (if i get time to write a blog!)
Mum to be
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Summer week 31

2011-09-21T06:28:00.000-07:00

Ooooh i am now in the single figures for the count down - 9 weeks to go!!!
Its been fairly uneventful this week again. Although on Sunday i took nest building to a new extreme. I decided to get a new computer desk and bring it into the living room and out of the conservatory, i also decided the conservatory needed a new floor laying down and to be completely re-arranged to make it a nice dining room / chill out room. So we did it all in one day as i simply couldn't wait once i got the idea in my head and Phil wasn't going to argue with a hormonal pregnant woman.
It looks great though and i am really pleased. We have been in that house for a year now and for the first time it is set out the way i want it.
Oh i won that dress from ebay (the one i plan to wear to this wedding on saturday). It arrived yesterday and i tried it on. It looks fab. I am out to prove that you can look great when you are the size of a house! The only thing that lets the outfit down is my flat shoes. Flat shoes just make you look frumpy whoever you are. I tried on some black sequined heels that i had in my wardrobe and they would normally have looked great with the dress but with my ankles the size of tree trunks they look awful and are slightly uncomfortable. I may wear them to the first bit and later on when my ankles start to swell i will put my flats on (people will be too drunk to notice by then). Should be a good wedding though - just a shame i can't drink... anyone need a taxi.
Phil went out with the lads last Friday. Its Safe to say he had a great time as he fell through the door in the early hours of Saturday morning. I practically had to carry him to bed - i was not impressed. At first he couldn't understand why i had the hump until i pointed out that it was pretty stupid to get that leathered when i only have 9 weeks until my due date. What would he have done if i called and told him i had gone into labour!!! The penny dropped and he has decided that he will ease up on his drinking for the last stage.
I had a midwife appointment on monday which went alright. Everything is as it should be. The baby is the right size and all my levels are back to normal again.
We went to the first of the preperational antenatal classes yesterday. Oh that was very informative....good god, why do people have more than one baby if they know what is going to happen? I knew the basics of what happened but we went into great detail about the labour and the drugs etc. I won't gross you out with the details now (i will save that for the final blog entry - the birth) but its safe to say that i will have no dignity left by the end of it.
There were some nice people too. There was a couple who are due the day before me so there is a good chance we will cross paths later on, there was a lady there who i recognised and later realised was my friends sister (will have to say hi properly next week) there were some other couples too and this very interesting couple who i have forgotten their names now. They were a little odd just because he kept interupting the midwife and spouting stuff about shakras, Central gravity, the miams, jesus's time, fertility worships, thai chi etc i think you get the idea. He just kept going off tangent and giving us all lessons in something we were not there to learn. Nice enough fella though. He had just had his tooth sergically removed about an hour before the class so he could have still be under the influence of the sedative he was given (he was definately under the influence of something).
And of course me and phil have a reputation for attracting these people, sure enough we ended up giving them a lift home. I think we made a friend for life there (well at least the next two classes!). It will be just my luck that we end up on the same ward at the same time.
Anyway back to the class. One of the things i questioned the midwife about was breast feeding. Don't all shout and judge me at once but i have never had any inclination to breast feed. I have absolutely no real reason for this i just don't want to. But more often that not i feel very preasurised about this and get the impression it is very frowned upon by alot of people. The midwife (Tanya) had said that they make you breast feed before they let you leave the ward so i asked what if you choose not to breast feed. She proceeded to tell me that they do not have facilities on the ward for formular milk so you have to bring formular milk packets with you and some steralised bottles. If i go into labour suddenly i will not think to quickly steralise some bottles ready to put in my bag so i can see where this is going, i will end up having to breast feed as i have not taken any alternatives with me. It just makes me cross that they tell you its your choice and then try to pressurise you into doing it. I may compramise and breast feed until i get home and move straight onto bottles.
At next weeks class we will be discussing assisted deliveries. So C-sections etc. We will also go into more detail about epidurals and the other drugs you can have.
I have given work (in writing) the date of my last day. It will be the 16th August (6 weeks time). But this leaves me with 4.5 days holiday to take up beforehand. I decided instead of leaving a week early i would have shorter weeks leading up to the 16th. As i have a week of in July already it means that next week is my last full week at work which is great.
Believe it or not but i am still getting bigger. The baby's movements should be slowing down now as there is very little room for the little tyke but i should have guessed that i would be the exception to the rule. She is moving much more and the movements are so much more intense. When she punches you can almost see the hand poking out and when she kicks you can pretty much make out the outline of the foot. But mainly she keeps wiggling her bum. Its quite good actually as the midwife showed me exactly how she is laying and where all her body parts are so with every move i know what it is. Lucky for me she is head down which is just the way she should be at this stage as she is getting into position to be born.
Blimey there is alot on here this week - sorry if you are half asleep now!
Best go. The week ahead brings a wedding on saturday, coffee with a couple of very good friends on sunday, and another ante-natal class on wednesday. I also have a call booked in on monday with Phils solicitor but thats another story...
Bye bye mum to be
XXXXXXXXXXXX

Summer week 30

2011-09-21T06:27:00.003-07:00

Hello,
This week i have mostly been e-baying. God i forgot how addictive it is. I now contantly have my ebay summary up on screen in the background to keep an eye on items i am bidding on - its so sad!
Anyway down to business. I had the all clear from the diabetes tests so thats a definate plus point. I have my next appointment with the midwife on Monday, i think i have to see her every 2 weeks now until the baby arrives.
I have booked up the other anti-natal classes (the ones where you practice breathing and discuss the drug options etc). The first one is on the 4th July and i am really looking forward to that, so is Phil strangely.
Phil went away last weekend fishing so i thought i would take the opportunity to get a few things done around the house and pack my hospital bag (the one you keep by the door ready to grab when you go into labour) but to my annoyance i got very little done. Phil had left my dad with strict instructions to not let me overdo it (he knows me so well!). My dad even had to escort me to Tescos and would not even allow me to push the trolley!
I got too tired to do most of the jobs anyway and by sunday night felt a bit off colour again. I did start my hospital bag though. I printed a list off the internet of the basic things you will need and there is so much. My bag is huge but i can happily say that most of it is for the baby like a pack of nappies, cotton wool, baby wipes, baby grows, towels, blankets... the list goes on and on. But the list of things i need to pack for me is horrible: old knickers (as they will get ruined - nice!), breast pads, an old nightdress that will also get ruined, maternity sanitary towels, two towels (preferrably dark colours as they will also be ruined) and they also suggest you take ear plugs and an eye mask as you will probably end up on a noisy ward full of screaming babies. Its safe to say i am now in full panic mode! All of this did however give me an excuse to splash out on all knew toiletries and stuff which is nice. Anyway its basically ready now i just need to make sure it is kept somewhere Phil can find it and that on the day he does not forget to grab my make-up bag too. I could not imagine being parted from my make-up bag especially with visitors coming to see me and the baby. I also don't want my baby to be frightened of me the first time she sees me.
Speaking of seeing i came accross an interesting fact the other day that i would like to share with you. Babies can see when they are born (in fact they can see inside you from around 30 weeks pregnancy) although they can only see a very short distance. Children do not form full 20/20 vision until they are around 8 or 9 years old. Honestly i read this from my pregnancy development website and have since read it on a few other sites. Fascinating stuff.
I am feeling much brighter recently but still get very tired very easily. My ankles are still swelling like balloons but i am starting to get used to it. I am extremely pleased to announce that my belly button still has not popped out!! It has definitely evened off though (its like i don't have a belly button at all). Hopefully it won't suddenly pop out in the last few weeks as i am definitely growing bigger at a very fast rate.
Strangely i had expected to have alot of back pain by this stage with the extra weight. My back has always been fairly weak due to an incident when i was younger. I was in a park with a boy from middle school (Gary Sherlock for those of you that care) and we were on the seesaw, he thought it would be hilarious to jump off while i was in mid air but i neglected to see the funny side when the seesaw came crashing down at full spead and jarred my back. I couldn't walk (or even breath) properly for a little while after and have suffered with a bad back ever since. It gets much worse on cold days or days when i have overdone things a bit but during pregnancy it has been pain free (apart from early on when i threw it out cutting the hedges but that was my own stupid fault).
Anyway... Have you been watching Eastenders??? i can barely bring myself to watch it now as i just want to cry every time Dawn says her baies name. Phil is adament he does not want to change it as he has really got used to the name now so i think he will get his own way on this one. Curse Eastenders.... damn you, damn you to hell!
Not much else going on this week really. Its my friends 30'th birthday at the weekend and we are popping over to her BBQ (weather permitting!) which will be nice as i haven't seen her since being pregnant so its been a long time. Next week will be much more eventful as i have my midwife appointment, anti-natal class and my friends wedding.
Speak to you next week
Mum to be
XXXXXXXXX

Summer week 29

2011-09-21T06:27:00.001-07:00

God week 29 already...
First things first - the diabetes tests. Midwife came on Tuesday morning to do the tests and hinted that she now thought i did NOT have diabetes but to wait until the results come back as i could be borderline. I have spent most of this morning trying to get my results but my doctors are being a nightmare and won't tell me anything. They basically said "there are no notes attached to your results so assume they are clear". When i pushed them on this and asked if that really meant i had the all clear they panicked and said they couldn't really tell me anything which is awfully unhelpful. I have had to call the midwife to get her to sort it out for me - just waiting for her to call me back!
The hernia has been ok but mainly because i have been under the strict eye of my husband who won't let me do anything (or at least he wouldn't last week - this week both my husband and dad have quickly forgotten and i am the scivvy again!). But as long as i don't overdo it i can keep the pain to a minimum so thats good.
On to the most annoying and upsetting thing that happened this week. On Tuesday night my entire world came crashing down and now i am stuck in a dilemma! For those of you that watch Eastenders you will be aware that 'Chav' Dawn went into labour on the tube on Tuesday night but more importantly was that before that happened she told a lady what she would be naming her baby... To my utter horror she said the one name in the entire world that i have picked to call my baby!!!
No joke - i was almost crying as this will have a significant impact on whether i still use the name or not. Me and my family are really attached to this name now but with the kind of influence a programme like Eastenders has on the public i am now worried that lots of people will now also use the name and it will become a very popular (and perhaps common name). I big part of the deciding the name was that both myself and my husband have such traditional names and throughout my life there has always been so many people around that share my name. I had 3 Katherine's in my class at school, i worked with 3 Katherine's at my last job and in my current job i have worked with 5 in total. Sound silly and people are probably saying so what but at school to save on confusion they named me Katherine 1 and in my working life i have had to use the shortened version of Kat more and more. I just really liked the idea of giving my child a name that you wouldn't come across so often.
Trouble is i am so attached to the name now that i am not sure if i want to change it. What do i do?????
The wardrobe is finally put together and all the clothes are hung up and waiting to be worn. The entire nursery is set up ready for use now. The nappies are in place and the blankets are all washed. Its getting really exciting now. My cousin gave me a load of girls clothes the other day (which practically filled the wardrobe) and it is just so funny to think that something that small will be wearing them soon. Even Phil got a jittery when he saw the room completed.
Phil is going away this weekend on a fishing trip so i am planning to catch up with a few people i haven't seen for a while which will be nice. My friend Jason had a little girl a few weeks back so i plan to go and visit them. I am also planning to start getting my hospital bag ready. I have printed a list off the internet which gives you a basic run down of the stuff you will probably need - think i will need a truck as there is so much stuff.
Oh, sold the Aerosmith tickets on ebay in the end. Phil made a loss but its better than completely wasting them. Really don't think it was such a wise move to think i could stand around in a park all day. On the subject of tickets i have done something really dumb!! remember i mentioned the play that Orlando Bloom was appearing in well i bid on some tickets on Ebay (row E) but have now realised the day the tickets are for is the same day as my friends wedding... As irony would have it i am still the highest bidder (although there are still 4 days left) so i can only hope that i am outbid otherwise i will be trying to flog these tickets next week too.
We are planning to have a week off together in July (our last break before the baby comes) and decided that as its our wedding anniversary in July too that we are going to London to watch Wicked and stay in a hotel up there and make a night of it. I am quite excited.
The heartburn is getting much worse and i have to be sure that i don't eat too close to my bed time otherwise i am up all night with it. Speaking of bedtimes i am rudely awaken every morning at about 4am as i need to have a wee!
The final complaint this week is my ankles. They are swelling up so much. Phil and i both really pannicked last week as we both thought my feet were going to pop as they had gotten so big. It seems to get worse towards the end of the week and all i can really do is to put my feet up and hope they go down. It sometimes gets to the point where it hurts to walk as the skin is stretched so tightly. I cannot take my shoes off until i am certain i will not need to go out again as i would never get them back on again.
So to sum up i am still none the wiser about the diabetes although it looks unlikely now, the hernia is under control, Chav Dawn stole my baby's name, i am somewhat sleep deprived, my ankles look like a 90 year olds, I am an idiot when it comes to buying tickets (mainly due to my crap memory) but the good news is that I ONLY HAVE 2 MONTHS LEFT!!! YAY!!!
Believe it or not i am in a good mood and am getting more and more excited by the day. I just want to meet my daughter.
See you next week
Mum to be
XXXXXXXXXXX

Summer week 27 & 28

2011-09-21T06:26:00.004-07:00

Hi again,
You may be confused as to why i didn't write a blog last week and why i am doing this weeks early. Well lets just say its been a very eventful few weeks. I have been somewhat poorly and now know why.
Last week i was severely hit with nausea, dizziness and a number of other ailments that i probably shouldn't have kept to myself. I have also been getting a strange pain in my tummy next to my belly button. This pain has gotten gradually worse over the course of about 3 weeks and secretly i was really starting to worry about it. I found myself on the internet looking up my symptoms and coming up with all sorts of silly things.
Anyway yesterday i had a routine midwife appointment and told her all my symptoms. Funnily enough after having an excellent bill of health up until this point everything started to fall apart and they have discovered two things wrong with me and both sound far worse than they actually are (honestly).
The first is that my urine sample has shown up high levels of sugar which means i have gestational diabetes. I have to have further tests next Tuesday to find out what level i have and how serious it actually is. It will almost definitely just disappear after i have given birth although it does leave you with a higher risk of getting type 2 diabetes later in life. It will simply be a case of working out a stricter diet and stop skipping meals etc. The implications of this on the baby are still very under-researched and the main thing they will check is the size of the baby as this can cause her to be a large baby (in some cases too large which will result in a ceasarean). But as i said i do not yet know which level i have and it is very dependent on that. Considering i have been absolutely healthy up until now means it is looking good for me.
The second thing they have discovered is that it is highly likely i have a stomach hernia! This will explain the pain i have been getting next to my belly button. Unfortunately for me there is very little they are willing to (or can) do until after the baby is born. So i just have to put up with the discomfort and pain. After the birth these type of hernias quite often sort themselves out but if it doesn't i will probably need to have it operated on before i have my next child. Again i don't think it is worth worrying about at the moment as there is nothing i can do.
My husband is being an angel and won't let me do anything now. I am under strict instructions (from him) not to lift anything and that includes simple things like doing the washing. I know he means well but i can see that this is going to get annoying. I think he is finding this all a bit difficult as i never ever get ill or at least if i do i tend to just carry on and not really tell anyone so to see me so vulnerable i think is difficult for him. He told me yesterday that for the first time ever he had spent the whole day worrying about what might happen to me or the baby and it really scared him. I honestly do not think anything bad will happen and i don't think you can really think like that anyway but it certainly makes you evaluate what is important in your life. He is being so attentive and considerate - i just hope he knows that i do really appreciate it.
Anyway i had to get all of this down while it was fresh in my mind. For the first time in weeks i actually don't feel particularly ill and i am sure its because it is all a bit clearer in my head now and i can stop being paranoid.
Lets move onto brighter things. Had a nightmare over the last two weeks trying to get the wardrobe & drawers delivered for the nursery. It finally came yesterday. I put the drawers together and they look fine although Phil was very cross as i should have been resting. I will probably have to wait until the weekend to get the wardrobe put together as Phil won't let me do it myself.
We also popped into toys 'r' us and got a cool changing table with shelves which transforms into a baby bath. Its on wheels for ease of use. Its so cool but we have put the wheels on slightly wrong and it is a bit wonky at the moment - the baby would probably roll right off it! Its easily sorted though.
I think thats about it for now. Next week i will be able to update you on my glucose tests.
Oh before i go i just want to say a massive congratulations to my sister for passing her degree and to my brother for passing his driving test. I am very very proud of you both as they are both huge achievements.
See you next week
Mum to be
XXXXXXXXXXX

Summer week 26

2011-09-21T06:26:00.002-07:00

Hi all,
Its been another slow, uneventful week..
I have stupidly worn my heals again today for the first time in weeks and realised that it wasn't such a bright idea as my feet and back are now killing me. It has also highlighted how much my ankles have swollen as i can't even do my knee length boots up! Funnily enough one ankle/ foot is much more swollen than the other which does look really funny. The only way to ease this i have found is just soaking my feet when i get home from work in a bowl of warm water with bubbles. While on the subject of feet i am on the brink of giving up wearing socks as i am now really struggling to bend that far to put them on. At the weekend i had to get phil to tie my shoe laces as i just couldn't stretch over the bump. I have figured out a way of doing it although it is very awkward, i simply put my foot on the third step (on my staircase) and push my knee out to the side this way i can lean forward quite far.
As you have grasped by now the bump is still getting bigger. It is at the stage where it is starting to get to me somewhat. I am having absolutely no luck in finding a flattering dress to wear to my sisters graduation & my friends wedding in July. It is soul destroying to go from shop to shop passing the beautiful dresses at the front of the shop to get to the frumpy maternity wear at the back. Smock tops are everywhere which is useful for me but at the same time they are not dressy enough to wear to a wedding. Before anyone starts suggesting really good websites i must also point out that i am restricted somewhat by price as i refuse to spend £60 - £90 for a dress i will only fit into for the next 3 months.
My hormones are definately starting to take over my emotions as Phil is my witness. I have cried alot this week mainly for no reason or silly little reasons. It is extremely hard not to just give in and burst into tears at any given moment.
The wardrobe for the nursery is arriving tomorrow and i have already been to tesco to get some mini coathangers (in pink & purple - god its started already). Apart from that i have eased up somewhat on buying baby stuff. So as i got paid last week i am going shopping on saturday - think i will pass by the baby section in toys R us. My mum bought lots of cute pink clothes last week. I will certainly be able to fill the wardrobe!!!!!
I am starting to get constant thoughts of the birth now. I'm getting slightly freaked out by it all. Funnily enough it hasn't bothered me at all up until this week. But with only 14 weeks to go and being told that technically she can come at any time from now really i suppose has flung me into the realities of it all. I should start to get Braxton Hicks (fake contractions) very soon which i am suspecting will freak me out alot. Started thinking about what i need for my hospital bag. To be honest as long as i have my make-up and hair brush i will be happy though.
Nothing more to say I'm afraid except is it just me or is everyone on the planet pregnant at the moment???? It just seems that everywhere i look there are pregnant women waddling about. Perhaps it is just my heightened awareness of it - who knows.
Anyway i will go and peal these god awful heals from my feet now.
See you next week.
Mum to be
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Summer week 25

2011-09-21T06:26:00.000-07:00

Hello again,
I saw the midwife on monday and it turns out i am suffering from this doming thing i mentioned last week. Its nothing too serious but i have to be extra careful and try to not make it worse. The only way i can do this is by not lifting much and making sure i get out of bed the way i was shown. It is just about not putting too much pressure on my tummy muscles.
It seems the morning sickness is back... Only in the evenings though thankfully. I am constantly tired again and no amount of sleep makes me feel any better. I also feel quite sick in the evenings (possibly worse than in the first 3 months). I have also started to lose my appetite again - although i am forcing myself to eat as it is crucial at this stage that i get all the goodness i can to pass onto the baby. I can only pray that this is not going to be the way i feel until the end. It will hopefully just pass!??!
We went to Phils parents 20th wedding anniversary party at the weekend which i found so tiring. I completely understand that people want to ask me lots of questions about being pregnant and the baby etc but my god after 4 hours of talking about nothing else and answering the same questions i was ready to hide somewhere. Perhaps its just that for me it feels like i have been pregnant forever now and i worry that people have forgotten who i am. I don't want to be seen as the pregnant one. This may not make much sense - i will try to explain.
I am fairly fun loving and absolutely love to go out on a friday or saturday night drinking pints or double vodkas (might even throw in some sambuka for good measure). I used to have fun wherever i went and had quite an active social life. If i wasn't at the pub i was meeting a friend for coffee or going to the cinema, the theatre, concerts even frequenting theme parks quit alot. Since being pregnant i can't think of anything worse than sitting in a pub and am starting to avoid group gatherings of any kind as people only really seem to talk to me about the baby (maybe they feel they have to). I have no interesting stories to tell in conversations anyway as i have been sober and hiding away since January. So perhaps i have nothing better to talk about myself than being pregnant.
I just can't wait to remind people who i really am and what fun i like to have and how sociable i can be. In saying that obviously my life is going to change considerably anyway as i will have a child which will mean my priorities are going to be very different but i still want to keep some of my own time and not forget that i am still only 25 and should enjoy it. The bottom line is that i think i am going stir crazy and i want my identity back - i am Katherine Henden not Katherine the pregnant one.
This probably coincides with me feeling like a complete whale. I have my sisters graduation and a wedding to go to in July and i am getting a bit depressed about what to wear. I know this is a very girly thing but its even harder when you are smuggling a massive beach ball up your top!!
While i am on a downer i will also tell you that the pregnancy glow has definitely disappeared and my hair & skin are disgusting again. In pregnancy you can suffer from this thing called Chloasma which is basically patches of skin that just darkens. Typically i have this under my eyes so i just look dreadful at the minute. With the power of makeup i can make myself look almost normal but its extra effort i could do without! In case you hadn't noticed i am also incredibly grumpy recently. Not a clue what triggers it sometimes it is nothing at all i will just feel really grumpy and snappy. Pretty sure its a hormonal thing. I really must pull myself out of this though.
Anyway on a lighter note i got to hear the baby's heartbeat on monday and when i told the midwife it was a girl she said she pretty much knew that anyway as it was definitely a girls heartbeat. As i have explained before a girls heartbeat in the womb is over usually 140 BPM and a boys is below this, my baby's is around 144 BPM.
On a completey different note Phil has been trying to sue a well known travel company for the last 3 years over a nasty accident that could have killed him on our honeymoon. He finally heard back this week that it looks like it will go to court very soon and i will have to give evidence. I am a little worried about when i will be summoned as i don't really fancy going into labour while on the stand!! Perhaps they will take pity on me and pay up the compensation we are claiming!!
I think i will use this bank holiday weekend to really relax and try to lift my spirits a bit. If i had the money i would whisk phil off somewhere for the whole weekend like Venice or something like that - but the River wey will probably have to do for now.
Thats all for now - i promise i will try to come back in a better mood next week.
Mum to be
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Summer week 24

2011-09-21T06:25:00.003-07:00

Hi all,
Sorry this is a day late but i had warned you it probably would be.
So yesterday we went to the first antenatal class. I was by far the most pregnant woman there. As i have explained previously there was a mix up and i should have been to the first class ages ago so i was not too surprised by this. The other women were between 14 - 18 weeks and most of them were not even showing. The midwife holding the session was great - very funny but obviously loved her job. We discussed various things like posture, how to sit at work and how you should lay in bed to how your internal muscles are changing and why. We also practiced our pelvic floor excercises which was hilarious as she made Phil join in (men have a pelvic floor too you know). I should also point out at this stage that there were only two guys there, phil and another lad the same age named freddy.
I didn't really learn anything i didn't already know or hadn't already experienced but i think phil found it all quite interesting. She went over some stuff about stomach muscles and a common problem woman have nowadays is that the bottom stomach muscles are worked on to the point where they are too strong. If they are too strong they do not have any give in pregnancy and that is why so many women today grow to the front and not much at the sides. This lack of stretch causes the long muscles that run side by side down the front of your tummy to split in the middle and cause a dome effect. This is when you tense your stomach muscle there is a strange dome like shape that appears down the centre of your tummy. I have this. Not sure how serious it is yet but i have to show my midwife on monday and she will advise me of ways not to make it worse. I wouldn't have known about this if i hadn't have gone to the class so it was well worth it.
It was meant to last 2 hours but we were actually in there for over 3 hours... we were all talking too much i think. As predicted Phil was the teachers pet, she definately took a shine to him. He did ask lots of questions but i was very proud of him and i am sure the other women were slightly enviouse of how much he wanted to learn and be involved.
Class 2 will be much more interesting as we will be discussing labour and breathing etc.
I actually feel like a whale now. I am doing that pathetic thing of struggling to get out of chairs and groaning when i have to lug my fat tummy anywhere. Can't walk too far as i get so out of breath - apparently the uterus is starting to squash my lungs a bit so breathlessness is very normal and will get worse.
Started to think about when i will leave work. I only need to give them about 4 weeks notice so its still quite soon but for my own piece of mind i want to have a date to work to. Adding on my rmaining holiday etc it looks like i will be leaving on or around the 17th August (only 3 months time) its all so exciting.
Oh - my Aerosmith tickets turned up this week. I think i must be mad going to stand about in Hyde park watching them while being extremely huge!!! They are worth it though.
Also i have been informed this week that Orlando Bloom (my future second husband) will be appearing in a play in London - have to have tickets!!! He was quoted as saying "I'd like to live a proper family life - with a partner and kids. That's what it's all about, isn't it?" Yes Orlando, that is what its all about and i already have a baby on the way!!!! (Phil - I'm obviously only joking.... There is no way Orlando would actually be reading my blog).
Back to reality, Phil bought a nintendo Wii a couple of days ago which is brilliant. Hope none of my neighbours could see into my living room as i must look like a right idiot pretending to play golf & tennis etc.
I have nothing else to write I'm afraid.
I have a nice evening to myself tonight so i am thinking a long hot bubble bath, some dairy milk whole nut (large bar of) and some Daniel Craig and that is my evening sorted.
Catch you next week.
Mum to be
xxxxxxx

Summer week 23

2011-09-21T06:25:00.001-07:00

GGGRRRRRR. How annoying, i typed up my blog yesterday and went to post it and i got a message to say that blogs were down and when i tried to get back to what i had written it had been wiped!!!!!! so i have to type this up again which is very uninspiring.
Another busy week for me which included a weekend of shopping. I popped into Aldershot on saturday morning to get some flat shoes to help with my afternoon shopping with my mum. Thank god i got them, what a godsend. I think the heals are out for the next 4 months now. I got some lovely black sequinned ballet pumps.
Anyway popped out shopping with my mum in the afternoon and got loads of baby stuff. I was mainly looking to start my stockpile of nappies, wipes etc and although i did get alot of that stuff i also got a bit sidetracked and got some really cute girly things. I always said that if i had a girl i would not dress her in pink and be really girly as i was always and still am a bit of a tom boy. But i got a bit carried away with little pink socks and one t-shirt that says "daddy's princess" and one that says "if you think i'm cute you should see my mummy" - how true (that was a joke!!!!). Primark is amazing too, i managed to get two of the softest baby blankets i have ever felt and they only cost £3 each - bargain.
We then went to a massive mothercare in brooklands and found an excellent baby starter kit. It cost me £25 and has a little of everything i need - nappies, cotton wool, wipes, muslin cloths, nursery scissors etc. It even had a tiny soft hair brush. It all comes in this really nice bag which i will probably get a lot of use out of too.
I also bought myself a maternity bra. Why the hell was i avoiding getting one??? they are so comfy i am not sure i will ever go back to a normal one, although they are not that attractive and maybe my husband will have something to say about that. The one i got kinda reminds me of the crop top bra's i used to wear when i was 13.
Enough of the shopping talk. The baby seems to have started some kind of sleeping pattern which is great as i get a break from all the kicking. Oh and Phil has finally managed to feel her kick which is amazing everytime as i think it makes things more real to him. His little face lit up when he felt it and every night when we go to bed he cuddles up to me and feels my tummy hoping to get one last feel but she is usually sleeping at that point.
Ok, when i started these blogs the one thing i promised was to give a completely honest account of pregnancy (including the not so nice stuff). That was sort of the main point as there are things i am finding out that people didn't tell me about and i think everyone deserves the right to know what to expact. So this bit is probably gonna get me some stick of my mates but so what i can handle it! The main thing that shocked me is the bleeding... I get constant nose bleeds but not so much that it runs out of my nose, more the kind that you have to pick the dried blood out of your nose. I also have to pick it every day otherwise it actually hurts. Apparently it is very normal to produce more snot than ever before and get nose bleeds so its nothing to worry about. The other thing i have neglected to tell you up until now is about the bleeding from the back passage. At first i was in a state of panic but after reading up on it it seems it is very common and it is more surprising if this doesn't happen to you and is more than likely hemmeroids. No point seeing a doctor as there is nothing they can do about it. Also do not forget to do your pelvic floor excirsices regularly as if you do them you are less likely to tear in child birth (that remains to be seen!!). If you don't know what pelvic floor excersices are then look it up as i am not going to explain it here.
Right, thats the embarrassing bit over with. Everyone seems happy that we are having a girl and people who do not know the name keep bugging me to tell them (i won't). You will have to wait and see.
People keep saying that she looks really fat in the scan picture but i must point out that she is actually poking her chest out as she would not stop wriggling around. I was born around 7lb and so was phil so fingers crossed that my daughter will be around this size too (daughter - that sounds so funny to hear me say it).
Next Thursday we have our first antenatal class so my blog will probably be sent on the friday again. I am hoping that phil won't be the class swot and embarrasse me but unfortunately his track record points to it! Oh well i will have plenty of funny things to tell you from the class i suspect.
Anyway best go - and hope this one gets posted!!!!!
See you next week
Mum to be
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Summer week 22

2011-09-21T06:24:00.005-07:00

What a week its been.
Last saturday i managed to throw my back out cutting my hedges back. This was probably not the most intelligent thing i have ever done and probably not the kind of job a pregnant lady should be doing but it seemed like a good idea at the time. So for the last week i have been hobbling around like a 90 year old and it takes me a got 5 minutes to stand up from a seated position. The good thing that came out of this is that i now admit defeat and may start to take it easy like i have been told. I can't bear another week of pain like this. The worst part is that i cannot even take anything for the pain - not even deep heat.
Had my nephew stay over on saturday night. He is only 5 but is one of the most enchanting kids i have ever met. So i got in some practice. Think Phil has some things to learn about patience but apart from that he is great with him too.
Back to my baby and the news that everyone was waiting to hear (i suspect not). I had the scan yesterday and i am having a baby girl!! I did want a girl slightly more than a boy (obviously would not have been disappointed if it had been a boy though) so i am over the moon. Phils family are really happy too as they have no girls on their side of the family so phils mum especially is so happy. Phil didn't quite react the way i had thought he would but its for one of two reasons (in my opinion). Either he is gutted coz it means i was right and he was wrong or its because he has never been around a little girl before and maybe is frightened about what he could do with her etc. I have tried to explain that he can still take her out to the football and play computer games with her especially if she ends up being anything like me when i was little. I was such a tomboy. I would rather be out playing football with the boys or playing in the mud than sat inside playing with dolls (in fact i only ever owned one doll, a cabbage patch kid, which i drew all over and hid in the wardrobe - god i hated dolls so much).
I also suspect that he was in slight shock as he was absolutely convinced it was going to be a boy. I do think he will be a very doting dad and will spoilt her loads. She will be daddy's girl for definite. Oh in case you were wondering Phil didn't leave the room yesterday when they told me the sex so he does know.
The scan was good (pictures on my page). Although she rolled over half way through and wouldn't roll back so i had to go away and walk about for 20 minutes and come back in the hope she had moved. Thankfully she did move otherwise i still would not know what the sex was. Everything is in proportion, normal, and in proper working order.
We have decided a first and middle name but will keep it to myself for now as i may change my mind later on.
She is still kicking ALL the time. Phil finally felt a kick last night, hopefully he will feel plenty more. I am definitely getting bigger and am starting to find the high heels difficult... ballet pumps here i come - but don't anyone call me short....!
My mum went to another carboot sale and found me a lovely rocking chair which i am sure will get plenty of use at 2am feeds! Also my dad has bought us a lovely second hand pushchair which has so many gadgets i just hope i remember how to use them all. I am ordering a wardrobe and chest of drawers in a few moments so most of the big things are all done now. Can start getting bibs, bottles, blankets etc now...
I kinda feel that its all systems go now and its full steam ahead. Only 4 months (18 weeks) left...
Its Phils birthday tomorrow so i suspect we will be busy but saturday night he is going to Bournemouth for a stag do so i plan to take advantage and have a pampering evening with baths salts and lots of chocolate - every girl should spoil herself from time to time.
Don't forget to have a peak at the scan pictures and have a great bank holiday weekend!
Mum to be
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Summer week 21

2011-09-21T06:24:00.003-07:00

Hi all,
Sorry about the short blog last week but it was manic at work and i had to work through my lunch hour (which is when i usually write these things). Had to prepare a presentation for my company away day which went very well in case you were wondering.
Finally the nursery is complete (feels like we have been doing it forever!) and as soon as i figure out how to get the pictures of it off my dads digital camera i will post them on my page. It is so awesome and i am so happy with how it has turned out. I have never seen a nursery quite like it which is cool as i like things that are unique. So now we are fitting it out with furniture.
I went to the car boot sale on the A3 last sunday with my mum and Phil which was very productive. Mum bought us a beautiful moses basket on a stand which is ideal for the baby when he/she is first born and also handy when you need to be mobile. It only cost her £8 and is in mint condition. I also bought a rocker/ bouncer for £1 which again is in perfectly good condition and i got a baby monitor for £3 (bargain - and it works). Phil had his priorities straight as the only thing he bought was three star wars figures which when you hook them together they perform a battle scene with the music playing and the sound of light sabers clashing against each other - do boys ever grow up? It was very very hot on sunday so didn't really look around the whole thing but plan to go back in a couple of weeks.
Sunday afternoon we went to a 3 year olds birthday BBQ - that was a real eye opener! they played musical statues and pass the parcel which bought back many memories of my childhood. But there was this one kid who was so naughty, you turned your back for 1 minute and he had managed to climb to the top of some trelacing, then he disappeared up the end of the garden and started bashing the greenhouse door with a stick etc. He was such a handful but so cute and entertaining - not sure if his dad would agree as he was up and down like a yo yo reining him back in and constantly apologising for his behaviour. Why do i get a funny feeling our child will be the mischievous one! We made a quick exit once the E numbers and sugar highs had kicked in. watching eight 3 year olds running around throwing balls at each other didn't seem fun anymore.
6 days until we find out the sex!!!! i will have to post my blog a day late next week though as its Phils birthday on Friday and he has decided he would like me to not tell him the sex until his birthday! - yeah like that will happen. He thinks it would make a nice birthday surprise but im not sure i can keep it to myself until then. Hopefully my sister & brother will stop calling it a jelly bean once they know the sex but i doubt it.
Me - I'm bloomin' massive and getting annoyed at people calling me fatty (Lee!) only kidding i do have a sense of humour. But i made the mistake of sitting on the floor last week and needed help getting up! My side of the bed is creaking alot more and I'm sure its to do with the added weight. Getting in and out of bed is a struggle and i have to kinda roll out - I'm just glad that Phil leaves for work before i get up and doesn't get to see the flapping beached whale getting out of bed as its not exactly a sight that would turn him on!
The baby is now kicking all the time with the occasional massive wallop which almost winds me! I thought babies in the womb fell into a sleeping pattern but this one doesn't seem to sleep at all or at least if it is sleeping it is still flayling about. Phil still hasn't felt one yet, everytime he puts his hand on my tummy it stops so maybe i should just get him to walk around with his hand permanently attached to my tummy so that i can get a break from it! I shouldn't really complain as its a constant reminder that he/she is there happy and healthy.
We have decided on our names now - well we have picked the boys name and have two shortlisted girls names which i think we will make a final decision on when it is born. I won't put the names in here as i don't want people to use them for themselves so if you want to know feel free to drop me an email or just ask next time you see me and i will probably tell you.
Oh Finally got around to booking our antenatal classes. Got our first one in about 3 weeks that will be interesting as i should have been to the first one already. They will tell me what to expect to happen to your body in the second trimester - so in affect tell me stuff that has already happened to me. Oh well its still worth going in case there is anything else i should know. They are 2 hours long and we have to attend three of them. Phil isn't looking forward to it but i think he thinks its just a bunch of people sitting around doing silly breathing exercises.
Thats all folks!
see you next week with the all exciting news.
Mum to be
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P.S as i am finding out the sex next week i am intrigued to hear what you predict and see which one is the most favoured (like a poll).
Some hints to help you, i am carrying all up front with a neat little bump, i am craving sweet things like chocolate, sugary sweets and ice cream, the baby's heart beat is 144 beats per minute and it is kicking all the time.
And next week we can see if the majority prediction was right. Comment me!

Summer week 20

2011-09-21T06:24:00.001-07:00

Hi all,
Its official i have reached the halfway point!!
This will be very short this week as i am very busy trying to put together a presentation for tomorrow (talk about leaving it to the last minute!!).
Had an appointment with the midwife on monday which again went well. The baby's heartbeat is 144 beats per minute which according to old wives tales means its a girl! Boys heartbeats are under 140 per minute and girls are above...apparently.
Everything else is fine and healthy although the midwife did inform me that i should have been to my first anti-natal class (the physical one). Apparently you should go between 12 - 18 weeks but she had neglected to give me the appropriate forms or even to mention it to me.
So i have rushed to book the three 2 hour classes. I have asked to have the first one next week and the second and third in July. These are the classes where you talk about what will happen to your body and what excercises will help prepare you for labour!!! Just have to wait and see if they actually have any free spaces for the dates i have requested.
My medical card came through (i should have sent off for it a long time ago but never got around to it until last week. So i don't have to pay for prescriptions or dental work until Sept 2008... Phil is so jelouse : )
Dad finally finished painting the second coat on the nursery yesterday. So now to get the furniture and actually fit it out properly. This part is going to be quite exciting.
Thats about it - sorry short & sweet but there is nothing more to say really. Except i cannot remember if i told you that we had decided on a girls & boys name now and no i am not posting them up here you will have to wait and see!!!
Bye
Mum To be

Summer week 19

2011-09-21T06:23:00.004-07:00

Hi all,
Hope you all had a lovely easter weekend, mine was full of BBQ's and general merriment.
This week has not been such a good one for me. I think i may have overdone it somewhat over the weekend as i have been feeling rather ill for most of this week. At first i felt like i just had a stomach bug but now that has subsided a bit and i keep getting cramps in my abdominal area. I am pretty sure the stomach bug had something to do with the sandwhich i ate on monday as i started to feel ill almost immidiately after eating it and i am putting these stomach cramps down to the baby laying on something or simply stretching my insides. I was feeling the lower part of my stomach last night (where it was hurting) and i swear i felt a foot... It freaked me out a bit and i tried to feel for it again but it was gone and so was my cramping feeling.
Phil is giving me a hard time as i wouldn't phone the midwife but like i said to him the only thing she could have done was to book me in for an appointment and as i already have one on monday it is pointless. I will simply fill her in on monday and i am pretty sure she will tell me its nothing.
Its getting pretty uncomfortable to sleep now and i am having really broken sleep which i am sure my husband is loving... not. It hurts to sleep on my back for too long but everytime i wake up i have rolled onto my back so not sure how i can stop that.
Apparently at this stage i should be feeling really energetic and stuff but believe me i am not. If i sit for too long watching telly i start to fall asleep. I am usually really tired by 10pm which is most unlike me.
Oh one last thing that i have noticed recently is how clumsy i am becoming. On Monday i popped out on my lunch hour to get a sandwhich and managed to walk into three walls, one door and one short bollard - what is up with that!!! I have fallen over my bed countless times this week and keep misjudging doorways. After doing some research i have discovered that due to the increasing size of my tummy my centre of gravity has changed but nobody has bothered to tell my brain it seems. The website suggested that i start wearing flat shoes - thats not going to happen until i have absolutely no choice as i am much shorter than people realise as hardly anyone has seen me without heals on.
The short hair is brilliant and i am really loving it - no regrets at all. It now takes me 15 minutes to dry and straighten it in the morning - how great is that compared to 40 minutes! This will definately help when the baby comes and i have less time to spend on my own appearance. And it definately helped the other morning when my hairdryer actually set on fire and broke so i had to go to work with wet hair!!
Nursery is now painted and looks great. Just want to start putting the finishing touches up now but my dad is insisting he puts one more coat of paint on first. When it is completed i will put a picture on my site for you to see, its going to be very unique. Just need to get the furniture now to fill it up! - All second hand donations welcome... : ) as we have absolutely nothing yet except 3 car seats and a travel cot.
No more to say I'm afraid except one peice of advice - if you decide to use the Johnsons holiday skin moisturiser make sure you wash your hands afterwards... learn from my mistake as i have very funny coloured palms at the moment!
See you next week when i will hopefully be feeling lots better.
Feeling crappy mum to be.
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Summer week 18

2011-09-21T06:23:00.002-07:00

Not much happening this week apart from alot of movement. The flutterings are getting stronger and it won't be long before other people can feel the kicks. I am slightly alarmed by the frequency and am wondering how much sleep i will end up having as a result... The baby is definitely a fidget just like its daddy.
I have been burping alot and having pains one side of my tummy. This is probably just a stretching pain where everything is growing and expanding.
I have had alot of compliments about how "well" i am looking which is nice.
The financial side of things has played a big part this week. It suddenly dawned on us how much money we need to have saved before i go on maternity leave to pay my share of the bills and it is a frightening figure. Statutory maternity pay is rubbish (£108 a week). We will inevitably cope somehow but it is still quite terrifying. The saddest part about not having lots of money is that it impacts on how much time maternity leave i can afford to take. I would love to take the full amount of time allowed but looks more like it will be 6 months at the most. It will definitely be a very lean Christmas this year... : ( Phil is being very good and is willing to work lots of hours and had even mentioned getting a second job but to be honest i just want him at home with me enjoying the prospect of being a parent, not getting home so tired that he goes straight to bed. I have even considered getting a second job myself but in reality who would take on a pregnant woman and would i really be able to cope (probably not).
Anyway money isn't everything and we still have our health : )
The stickers for the baby room arrived a couple of days ago. They are so cool! I am really glad i went with this option. Hopefully we can get on and get it finished over the long weekend. But the weather is supposed to be very nice so no doubt we will want to go out and enjoy the sunshine.
I am really struggling with the no smoking thing now. It is getting ridiculous. The longer i give up the more i want one. I know i gave up for a very good reason but i also know that i will start smoking again afterwards. I am even starting to wonder if i want one so bad just because i know i can't have one not because i am craving the nicotine. I desperately want to get drunk too which is very strange as i wasn't exactly a heavy drinker before i got pregnant. So i am sure it is partly wanting what you can't have! I just have to keep thinking that i only have another 4 1/2 months to go!!!! sh*t thats scary!
Nothing more to add this week (told you there wasn't much to say). Hope you all have a fab long weekend and get fat with all that chocolate.
P.S if you are still coming out into Guildford on saturday night i will see you then (i will be the one staring at everyone very enviously from the corner!!)
Bye - mum to be
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Summer week 17

2011-09-21T06:23:00.000-07:00

Hello again,
Can't believe it is that time of the week already. Time is flying by which is good in some ways!
Had a midwife appointment on monday which went very well. All my test results were excellent and they said i couldn't be any more healthier if i tried - so all good. I also got to hear the babies heart beat again. Thats very strange but comforting in a funny kinda way.
Next appointment will be in about 3 weeks which is just a check up (more wee tests, blood test etc) and then to the fun bit on the 2nd May when i have the next scan and find out the sex!
Not many new feelings/ complaint this week. The heartburn is getting a bit worse but i now know i am allowed to have Gaviscon which would have been good to know a few weeks ago. Just assumed i could not take any medication. My tummy is growing more and i can kinda feel everything stretching which is really weird. I am pretty sure i have felt kicking now but it does really feel like a weird fluttering sensation. Its not powerful enough for phil to be able to feel it yet which is a shame but its most of the time so i am thinking it is definitely an active little nipper.
I feel much prettier at the moment but i don't mean pretty in that sense, i mean in a glowing well-being kind of way. Although the condition of my hair and skin is amazing at the moment. The best way to describe it is that feeling you get when you get back from a summer holiday with a tan and you go to meet friends for the first time since you have been back and the tan makes you look sexy & healthy (well in my head it does anyway).
The nursery is coming along now. The flooring is done, the skirting is finished and all the woodwork has been primed and glossed, it is now ready to have the cosmetic decoration done. Have decided against the elmo thing now as it is giving me a headache. Instead i have found a really cool thing on the net which i am going to do instead. They are theme packs of stickers. Basically you pick your theme (we have gone for under the sea) and they send you a pack which includes lots of big vinyl stickers of seaweed, dolphins, anchors, fishes, seahorses, bubbles etc and you just paint the walls to represent the sandy sea bed then the blue sea then just a neutral colour on the top and go creative putting these stickers everywhere. It looks so effective. I am just waiting for the stickers to arrive. They are easily removable and even re-stick.
I went for it and chopped all my hair off!! It looks fab and i love it so much. Big big thankyou to my hairdresser as she did an amazing job. My husband even went so far as to say he thinks it makes me look really sexy (not sure i agree about looking really sexy but i like it and it has made him happy).
Back to baby stuff. I have been really thinking about maternity leave from work recently. Thinking i may go off at the beginning of August unless i am forced (for medical reasons) to go sooner as you never know what will happen with blood pressure and stuff like that. So i will be extremely bored over the summer! But it may be a blessing that my mum and a few of my mates work at schools and will not be working over August - make sure you come and see me!!! Might take up another hobby for that month - painting or something? or i may just slob about watching DVD's and stuffing my face.
Not much going on apart from the above i am afraid. This weekend is a busy one for me though as its my brothers 18th birthday on Sunday (April fools day!) and we are going for a family meal on saturday to Pizza Express and it is also mine and phils 8 year (or it could be 7 years - i have lost count) anniversary of being together not being married (yes we are sad and celebrate both but we don't celebrate valentines for this very reason). Apparently phil is going to cook me a romantic meal although i did catch him on the phone to his mum promising we would pop over on sunday so it may not be the romantic day i had in mind!
Won't keep you any longer. See you next week!
Mum to be
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Summer week 16

2011-09-21T06:22:00.003-07:00

Hello again,
Before I start I have to tell you how surprised I am to see how many people have been reading my blogs. I originally thought it would be a nice way for friends of mine that live far away (Bolton or Australia) to keep up to date with my progress but it seems to have evolved and I get almost 50 hits a week which was quite shocking. I am just very pleased that they are getting read I suppose!
If anyone is reading this who is also an expectant mother it would be great to get in touch and share experiences. I haven't made any pregnant friends as yet but I have been assured it is very helpful. (This isn't a shameful plug to get more friends on myspace by the way!!).
Anyway down to business. This week I have had quite a few complaints. My backache got so bad that I almost started crying at work! The good news is it seems to fluctuate so its not painful all the time just now and again. The last two days I have had heartburn really bad - mints really helped with this so I now carry tic tacs everywhere with me. The only other physical pain is the strange stomach twinges which after reading up seems as if it is just the baby growing and my tummy getting bigger. It doesn't hurt as such just makes you go "ooh that's a tad uncomfortable" but gives you a nice feeling as you know that's your baby. My boobs still haven't grown (much to my husbands disappointment) but I am quite relieved as I am not sure I would be able to stand up-right if they did.
Saw something in the paper last week which really annoyed me. Since I have been pregnant I have had such a craving for peanut butter but the doctor and midwife told me not to eat peanuts so I have just ignored the craving. Last week the paper said that this pregnancy warning was a load of rubbish and is only meant if you have a family history of peanut allergies, exsama or heayfever - which my family have none of!!! Total dilemma - do I now disregard what the doctor said and give in to my craving or do I still cut it out as how reliable can a newspaper really be?? I work with the media and know exactly how unreliable they are sometimes.
Sorry - a little moan there (had lots of those recently). I have turned into such a moody cow. Research keeps throwing new things up all the time and what you were told (even 6 months ago) may not be the case now. Only last month some research came out to prove that caffeine does pregnant women absolutely no harm at all.
You may remember me telling you last week how my husband might be getting made redundant - well he didn't. He was offered voluntary redundancy or to take the new role in reading. He opted to do a one month trial in reading and they if he still doesn't like it he can then take redundancy at the end of the month. Between me and you he loves that job and I know he will stay.
The nursery is at a standstill for now - well just until I get to Homebase and get the lining paper. Still no luck with the elmo themed border so it looks like I will have to import some from America.
Got another check-up with the midwife on Monday - not sure what this one entails but I have to see her at the surgery instead of at home.
My appetite hasn't really recovered very well and I would simply not eat at all if I didn't have to. But I can eat without feeling sick and can eat after 7.30 now which is good as I was quite restricted by this. I have really gone off sandwiches - how odd is that!! all fillings.
Decided to chop my hair off!!! It is currently very long (almost reaches my elbows) but it gets so knotty and if I don't use my straightners in the morning it just looks awful. I keep thinking how when the baby comes I will not have time to faff around with hair straightners every morning so I am opting for a longish bob! a bit like Kym Marsh in coronation street - what do you reckon? Oh well if it looks awful it will always grow out.
Nothing more to say really, sorry its not a very interesting one this week. Tune in next time to see if it gets any better!!
Oh thanks for all the name suggestions for a girl - NONE!! I have a gut feeling it is a girl (Phil thinks its a boy) so if I'm right (which I always am) then I am screwed for names. Help me out, all suggestions are very welcome!
See you next time - Mum to be xxxxxx
P.S still no recognisable kicks from the baby yet - I can't wait!
P.P.S Totally unrelated but we are planning to sell our sofa, It is only a couple of years old and comprises of a large corner sofa, a matching 2 seater and 5 matching scatter pillows. If you are interested or know something that is let me know as i can email you a picture. Hate using e-bay so thought i would ask around before i attempted that route.

Summer week 15

2011-09-21T06:22:00.001-07:00

Hey,
This one is a bit late as i was not near a computer last week. Had friends visiting from Australia so lots of shopping and sightseeing!!
Not that much to report again. I feel absolutely fine now with the occasional back ache but if it wasn't for that and the ever growing bump i would just forget that i was pregnant.
Oooh, went shopping and i think i am the luckiest pregnant person in the world, this seasons fashion is so suitable for me!! Its all smock tops and big flowy tops with the seem running under the bust so its great, i think i have only bought 2 maternity tops and the rest are just normal ones. Sadly i had to give in to the maternity trousers... I am wearing a pair now that are just so hidiouse. The waistline certainly would give Simon Cowel a run for his money. Oh well its all about comfort i suppose. I also discovered that New Look now have a maternity department! how cool. Not sure if they do in Guildford but they certainly do in Kingston as i managed to get a cool going out top for my brothers 18th birthday in a couple of weeks. He wants us to go clubbing with him - not sure i really fancy that!
Anyway, its been a very stressfull week which is annoying as i took a week off work! On tuesday phil found out that he may be made redundant (will find out today). After much discussion and worry about it we decided that redundancy would be great as he would get a nice payout which would sort us out while i am on maternity leave. So now we are praying he gets it. If he doesn't he will have to work in Reading which isn't extremely far away but far enough away for him to possibly miss seeing the baby in the evenings before i put him/ her to bed. Fingers crossed on that one then!!
Got given lots more baby stuff this week which is always good. On Wednesday we were given 8 bags of clothes, a bag of toys (bin bags i mean) and two car seats - not bad going at all. Anyone wanting to buy presants then blankets, bedding etc would go down quite well!! My mother-in-law has started a baby box. She got a lovely wicker box and has started filling it with clothes, shoes, teddies etc. Its a really nice thought. My mum has started her knitting!! something tells me this baby will want for nothing and will get spoilt rotten. My mother-in-law also suggested sorting out a baby shower but i wasn't keen on the idea. Its much more of an American tradition and i don't want people to feel they HAVE to buy me stuff.
The nursery is coming along (slowly). Phil and my dad have now smoothed the walls down and layed the laminate flooring. Dad is putting in new skirtings and putting up the lining paper this week. Finding sesame street or elmo borders is proving difficult although i have found one online that we may get shipped over.
Getting extremely anxious now about finding out the gender. I have done lots of tests and dangled the wedding ring over my tummy etc and it all points to a girl but i am staying open minded until the 2nd May.
Thats enough for now. Sorry it was late but i am a very busy person!!!
Oh one last thing, still no recognisable kicks yet. Had a few flutters which could have been kicking but not entirely sure.
See you at the end of the week
Mum to be
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Summer week 14

2011-09-21T06:21:00.003-07:00

Not much going on this week to be honest.
Main complaints are that I think the baby keeps lying in a strange position as I keep getting a pain which is similar to a trapped nerve or pulled muscle but its strange as I just know it is to do with where the baby is laying.
I am still struggling to sleep and have a bit of trouble eating. I have worked out that I must eat dinner before 8pm (latest) as I cannot eat a thing after this time. I am also suffering from severe headaches (but I was susceptible to them before I was pregnant, it just feels worse as I cannot take anything for them). Also my contact lenses itch like hell, I read up on this and apparently during pregnancy your eyes produces less liquid over your eyes so they become very dry and a little sore (this can also cause headaches). It is called dry eye syndrome and is made worse if you wear contact lenses. If it continues I will have to revert back to wearing glasses (uuurrgggghhh). Will keep wearing the lenses until I can bear it no longer!!
My concentration and memory are much better now and I am starting to feel happier. Still checking the bump every morning and it is definitely becoming more noticeable, even Phil thinks I am showing now. I just need to get a little bigger to justify that it is actually a baby and not just fat.
Went shopping at the weekend for maternity clothes and wanted to get a token present for the baby to celebrate the scan. Got a bit upset as I had a splitting headache and got tired very quickly which frustrated me more than anything as I had been looking forward to this for a while. We went to Camberley and I hated ALL the maternity clothes so opted for some smock type tops and just got bigger baggier sized clothes. Also treated myself to a new soft dressing gown and some comfy slippers. Couldn't find anything I wanted to get for the baby as all the neutral stuff was yellow or white which I don't really like. Mum saved the day when she found a really cute mint green outfit from mothercare so I got that.
Looked at the big expensive stuff like cots etc and Phil almost had a heart attack at the prices. Although he felt much better when I found some of these things on ebay or second hand from the local ads. Think we may go scouring some car boots soon, always good for a bargain. I do want to get a few things brand new as its our first child but there is nothing wrong with second hand.
Was getting worried about the cats as they have a habit of sleeping on my pillow and I was concerned that they would get into the cot while the baby was asleep and suffocate him/ her. Until someone at work told me you could get cot nets which were designed to keep cats out, had a look at one and they seem very good so that is one worry off my mind.
Still haven't felt the baby kick yet but there is plenty of time for that. I have had a few flutters but it could just be wind.
The nursery got off to a flying start and has now stopped mid decoration. Phil stripped the horrible walls down (with a bit of help from my dad) but as yet that is all that has been done. Decided on laminate flooring as it will be easier to clean up any mess although I do want a big rug in the middle of the room. Hunted high and low for any elmo or sesame street wallpaper or borders and have so far found nothing. I am not giving up though and my talented husband is going to paint an elmo mural on the wall for me - lets just hope the baby likes elmo as much as I do!
Got some friends here from Oz for the next couple of weeks and I get to meet their 1 year old for the first time tomorrow. We are spending the whole week together doing child friendly things like going to London Zoo. It will be good practice for me and I cannot wait.
Not got an anti-natal check up until next month. My next scan is booked in for the 5th May and I will hopefully be able to find out the sex of the baby. We have decided on a boys name (although it may change later on) but have not found a girls name yet. I am not going to divulge the boys name yet but am very open to hearing girl name suggestions (PLEASE).
Anyway that's enough for now. Looking forward to hearing your girl name suggestions.
See you next week
Mum to be
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Summer week 13

2011-09-21T06:21:00.001-07:00

Well its been another busy week.
The midwife came over on Wednesday to do all the tests (blood test, urine test, blood pressure...) and found it very amusing when i asked if this would be the last blood test. I think her words were "there is plenty more of that to come". How niaeve she must think i am. Thankfully my blood pressure is back down to normal but i do need to drink more water apparently. She left telling me that the next few months are supposed to be the best and i should enjoy them. So i plan to.
I swear i am getting bigger by the day. Sadly i have got into the routine of checking my bump in the mirror before i get in the shower every day and checking again when i am fully dressed and on my way out to work (probably just making sure i am showing enough). Thats so sad and Phil keeps laughing at me saying you are the same size as yesterday but he is a man so what does he know.
The scan picture has certainly made the rounds and i have pretty much shown everyone now. The funniest reaction is when people say "oh my god its a baby" - what the hell were they expecting!!! My brother has been calling him/ her jelly bean (as thats what it looked like in the first scan) and i really thought after this scan he would stop but unfortunately i think its going to be a name that sticks.
Had my mums 50th birthday on saturday which was great. Met up with relatives and old friends we have not seen for a while so obviously i was the topic of conversation and even had two people kissing my bump! didn't realise people did that, have to say i was a little shocked.
Oh my God what has happened to my memory... i used to remember everything and now i can't even remember what i was doing 5 minutes ago. Its really frustrating especially as i am still having guitar lessons and can't remember a thing from lesson to lesson!! I do hope this is temporary as my sister keeps joking that i am turning into mum and i am.
Speaking of mum, me and the cooing nanny are going shopping this weekend for baby things. This will be the first time buying things for the baby so i am very proud of her for for waiting this long. Only going to get clothes and cute things, we will wait a while longer before we start on the big things like cots etc as i am still being cautious.
Finally the main thing i have noticed recently is my mind set and attitude towards things. I have always been told that i was very mature and had a grown up head on my shoulders but i think its not until you are faced with motherhood that you really truly grow up. I reacted this week to something in a completely different way than i had ever planned to. This won't make much sense to many people but i do not want to go into details on what this was exactly. I just realised that there is much more to life than petty squabbles and past mistakes or misunderstandings. Your priorities and the whole perception of life and what its about definately alters (god thats getting a bit deep). I really feel like i am extremely lucky to be bringing a new life into this world. This is not something that everyone gets to experience and i really should count myself lucky.
I am so sorry, it did get a bit deep this week but a couple of things have happened to make me look long and hard at myself (and i am not just talking about my bump in the mirror in the morning!). This may also have something to do with the strange hormonal changes that keep happening, in some ways i am glad i am not the man - many apologies to phil for the mood swings!

Anyway thats enough. Not much happening next week apart from me growing even bigger but come and have a read as there may be something interesting - who knows!
Mum to be
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Summer week 12 again

2011-09-21T06:20:00.004-07:00

Hey all,
If you are confused about the title let me explain. I had my scan this week which gave a more accurate reading of my due date so i have had it confirmed that i am now actually in my 12th week and baby is due on the 4th September.
This week has been quite good actually. Sickness has almost completely gone. I have to eat my dinner before 7pm otherwise i can't stomach any food after that. I get the occasional evening where i fall asleep in front of the telly early evening (much to the annoyance of my husband). But am definately feeling my old self again.
On sunday me and phil (hubby) went through some baby clothes that we had donated to us. It was mainly babygrows and vests which is quite handy to have alot of, so we spent the evening seperating them into ages. We also started to clear out the future nursery. The people who lived there before seem to have painted the walls with some paint that actually had sand in it to give it a "nice" texture. Its horrible & sharp and very hard to strip off so we are getting a plasterer over to price up a scimming job. Talking about ripping the carpet up and putting down laminate flooring (just think of all the liquids that would be easier to clean up). I have decided that it will have a sesame street theme and phil has said i am allowed to get my elmo's down from the loft and they can go in the nursery (Yay). We are not actually going to start on the finer points of decorating just yet though as its a bit early but we are certainly going to get started with the plastering etc.
Down to business, i had the scan yesterday and it couldn't have gone better. I didn't sleep much the night before worrying that they would find something wrong or worse still would not find a baby (or anything) in there and there had been a huge mistake - i know this sounds silly now but you can't rationalise your thoughts when you are worried.
The first sight of my baby was hilarious. I was prepared for the tears but instead i found it so funny as baby was literally throwing itself around. It looked like it was doing the worm on its back (a breakdancing move) which i found so funny as phil is such a fidget arse that it must take after him. All the measurements were fine (about 2 inches from head to bum) although baby is on the smaller end of the scale but still within normal size so that sounds good (the smaller the better). All organs were there and they measured the brain (good to know it has one). Got some great pictures which are in my pictures (go and have a look) they are so clear that you can even see the jaw and nose.
So today i feel very relieved. I feel like i can stop worrying as much and start enjoying it all. I may even have a glass of wine on saturday night as i haven't touched a drop since new years eve. I already plan to go shopping with my mum and get something for baby. My friends are visiting from Australia in March so i am sure we will end up spoiling baby then too.
It definately feels much more real to me now. I am just so excited!!!
Oh bought baby its first DVD the other day - couldn't resist as it was on sale - it was Elmo in grouchland!! Guess what my child is going to be forced to like!!!

Anyway best go. Don't forget to have a look at the pictures on myspace.
Mum to be
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Summer week 12

2011-09-21T06:20:00.002-07:00

Things are definately getting better and someone even told me today that i look very well and that pregnancy obviously suited me!
Got my scan on the 21st Feb so i am quite anxious about that. I just want to get it done and out of the way so that i can finally buy things for the baby. I have been very good and held back on the baby buying stuff just until the scan as i didn't want to tempt fate. My mum has been very good too and we plan to go on a massive shop together and she is dying to buy cute tiny clothes.
This will be the first baby in my immediate family so i know he or she will be absolutely spoilt. The stuff my sister bought from New York were so cute.
Anyway back to me. Although i said last week that the sickness had gone i was being a bit hopefull i think as i have had a few sicky moments this week too. But at least it is on the odd occasion and not a constant feeling. I have established that i must eat dinner before 7pm otherwise my appetite dissapears and any thought of food makes me feel queezy (except chocolate). Not sure if its a craving but i want chocolate all the time. I was never really a huge chocolate lover before the pregnancy so i think it possibly is a craving - could point to me having a girl?!.
still not properly showing yet although i am definately getting a little bigger. I finally tried on the maternity jeans that my mum bought me (they look hidiouse as they have a massive high elasticated waistband to cover your whole belly) but actually the look quite good on and very comfy.
The main things that have bothered me this week is the amount of things i have to cut out of my diet. After my recent visit to the docs about my heart palpataions i have been banned from having any caffeen. This on top of giving up smoking, drinking and certain foods that i love has been very tough and i am already salivating over that first celebratory glass of vodka and coke!
On the subject of my heart, i had an ECG and blood tests yesterday which looked normal and just have to wait for the blood test results now. Since cutting out the caffeen the palpataions have eased considerably although my blood pressure is up. Will keep you posted on this one.
Next week should be a good one for me as i will be moving into the second trimester when things should be wonderful and rosey. Might even have a think about how we will decorate the nursery (although we won't do that until much further down the line).
Mum said the other day "you only have another 6 months to go" this kinda freaked me out a bit as 6 months is nothing really!!! No turning back now.
Anyway be sure to come back next week as i will have the scan picture to show you (if i can figure out how to insert a picture).
See you next week
Mum to be
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Summer week 11

2011-09-21T06:20:00.000-07:00

Sorry if i put anyone off the idea of pregnancy last week as things are definately better this week.
Monday morning started very well and i realised that the sickness has subsided!!! yay.
Everything is not quite perfect yet though. My boobs ache like hell (still the same size though!) and my appetite is not fully back to normal but at least i can eat without wanting to throw up which is a move in the right direction.
The only new thing i am experiencing this week is heart palpitations. Not sure if this is a pregnancy thing or very unrelated but they started on monday and have got worse throughout the week (had 15 today already and it is only 2.30pm).
Going to the doctors tomorrow to get it checked out just to be on the safe side but i am sure its just a hormonal or anxiety thing.*
Starting to get excited now. I have the main scan on the 21st Feb and as long as everything is ok i will be going shopping with my mummy for the first of the baby stuff.
My sister went to NY last week and got baby henden an i heart NY babygrow - how cute!!!
Anyway things are definately better this week but the myth about pregnant women losing brain cells is definately true i'm afraid!
* Have been to docs today and these heart things do not seem to be pregnancy related. Have to have an ECG and blood tests next week which will hopefully get to the bottom of it.

Summer week 10

2011-09-21T06:19:00.000-07:00

4 years ago I wrote a blog about the ups and downs of my first pregnancy. Some people have requested that I republish these on this site. So here they come. The next load of blogs will be those republished blog.
If you don't want to read them just skip all blogs with Summer in the title - enjoy : )

As a recent mother-to-be i am having difficulty taking on board everyones advice or what not to do, eat, what helps with morning sickness etc.
There is a real issue here of how far you want to get sucked in to this over protective world. If i actually listened to all the things pregnant women should and shouldn't do i would just be sat in a specially constructed bubble for 9 months having no contact with the outside world.
On the otherhand if i don't follow the advice given to me and god forbid anything goes wrong or my child ends up with some illness i may always wonder if i could have done more to give them a better start in life.
Tricky!!
My main annoyance with being pregnant is that noone gave me proper warning about the so called morning sickness... Can you believe this does not only occur in the morning. For me it occurs every waking moment of my day and hits its peak just as i go to bed at night. Before anyone says Ginger biscuits will help - they don't! they actually make me feel worse.
(incase you hadn't noticed i am in the first trimester where everything is crap but i have been reassured that this will pass at about the 14 week stage)
I will keep blogs the whole way through my pregnancy to give any potential mothers-to-be an accurate and honest take on the whole thing.
At this stage its not too good. Everything aches - my back, legs, tummy and especially boobs.
I feel tired ALL the time. I literaly get home from work and crash out. Saturday just gone i went shopping in the morning and went to the pub in the evening getting home for about 1.30 am, the next day i could not get out of bed at all. I start to do housework and have to sit down for rests every 20 minutes so nothing gets done in the end.
To sum it all up i feel like an 80 year old woman. Can't wait for the next part of the pregnancy when everthing is great - your bump starts to show, the morning sickness goes, you get your energy back and best of all you get that pregnancy glow people talk about!

Keep you posted!

Mum to be
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Kat didn't get the cream as she isn't allowed :(

2011-09-05T06:39:00.000-07:00

I have done a lot of reflection since my last post and made some positive steps. One of my pet hates is when people moan constantly about situations they have complete control over but are just too lazy to make the change needed. So with this in mind I am now following a super healthy diet.
I think my stomach may still be in shock with the amount of fruit and vegetables it is receiving. Most of the time I think I am hungry I have a drink of water and it turns out I wasn't hungry at all.

I have also started exercising again. Up until a week ago I was attending a super intensive boot camp three times a week but had to stop due to the pregnancy as the low impact version is just a waste of time. So on Thursday and Friday last week I had time off work and took my daughter out for ridiculous long walks. By Saturday my ankles started to swell a bit.

Saturday was not a good day at all. I went on a mission to get a dress for my friend’s wedding that evening. Everything I tried on looked awful. I felt that even the shop girls were looking at me thinking "why are you even bothering, you are too fat". I know they weren't, it was just the kind of paranoid mood I was in at the time. Eventually my husband decided it was time for lunch and headed straight for McD's!!!! Obviously I couldn't face going in there as my diet forbids consumption of such foods. So I went my separate way from my family (I was starving too). As I turned the corner I just cried and couldn't stop. I think it was 40% down to feeling fat and frumpy but 60% down to hormones. I took over in the nearest shop and low and behold I found the perfect outfit (three times the amount I would usually have spent but I was feeling desperate).

That evening I got ready and put on my outfit. It did the trick and with the right amount of make-up I actually looked and felt pretty again.

So I have been watching my diet and getting more exercise for 4 or 5 days now and even in that short amount of time I feel so much better. I did have an altercation with my younger brother yesterday when he was trying to argue there was no point getting slimmer as I was just going to get fat with the pregnancy and there wasn't anything I could do about it. There is a difference though between being fat and having a cute baby bump.

Today is a good day and my mood is certainly up and counting down the next three weeks until my scan.
The moral of my self loathing story is to stop moaning about stuff and make a change, even if it is baby steps to begin with.

K
XXX

Fat Kat

2011-08-31T04:03:00.000-07:00

Had my initial midwife appointment yesterday and it did not go according to plan.
The first annoyance I encountered is that on my forms the estimated due date is completely different to the one my doctor had told me so where I thought I was 10/11 weeks gone I am actually only 8 weeks and due at the beginning of April. I know that this will change again when I have my scan and they can give a more accurate due date. My scan, however, has been booked in for the 26th September. 4 weeks away!!!!

I was preparing myself to go public with my news next week but now I have to wait another 4 weeks. I just don't think I can fake anymore reasons not to drink or have any fun!
In all honestly I really want people to know so that I can publicly moan about my morning sickness and why they shouldn't blow smoke in my face.

Anyway this was only the start of my annoyance and the disastrous visit. The second point is that, although I have been working bloody hard to lose weight through boot camp three times a week, my BMI of 33 still puts me in the category of obese. So, in the midwife's words, "you will have to see the lady we call the 'fat' midwife who takes care of the larger ladies". Great thanks for that! Then she hands me a leaflet titled "Obesity in pregnancy" which basically lists all the things that can go wrong because of my weight, it’s an upbeat piece of literature.

So moving on from this we come onto depression. I have suffered mild depression recently and was put on mild medication which did help. I gave up the medication on discovering I was pregnant at the say so of my doctor. Although I highlighted that I have been feeling fine my husband rolled his eyes and points out my erratic mood swings. Those of you who have been pregnant know very well that erratic mood swings are a very normal part of the pregnancy process and is caused from ridiculous hormones, not depression. The midwifes however do not want to take any chances and want me to see a specialist just to be sure. Great!

So with the weight, depression and my husband’s family medical history (which by the way is the same from my first pregnancy) I have been instructed that I am classed as high risk and therefore have to go on consultant led care. This means instead of visiting the midwife I have to see a consultant at the hospital on a more regular basis. In my opinion it is all very unnecessary.

So today in the cold light of day I am debating if I should just share my news anyway. It is causing me so much anxiety and doesn't seem worth it. If something goes wrong (touch wood) I would rather have the support of people I know rather than try to hide that too,
Also, I am on a strict healthy diet as of today and although I had to give up the boot camp this week (it was just too hard during pregnancy) I am going to get back on my cross trainer at least three times a week. I am determined not to feel like a frumpy fat person this time. I want to have a cute bump and lose weight on my face. I can do this, plus it would be better for the baby if I wasn't obese. God that term is really horrible isn't it, and it always conjures images of that huge lady that had to be air lifted out of her house (which is not what I look like by the way).

So I write this still pondering my final decision to share my news or not. If you are reading this on the 31st August 2011 then I decided to go public. If you are reading this on the 26th September 2011, however, I bottled out.

K
xxx

The Kat wanted a dog

2011-08-25T06:09:00.000-07:00

A very unexpected scenario has played out over the last two days surrounding a chocolate Labrador puppy that I have not even met.
I had always wanted a dog especially since the family dog died quite a few years ago in a Marley and me fashion. It was all very sad and Abbie, my black, rather old Labrador had to be put down. As both my husband and I worked full time we thought cats would be better suited to our lifestyles. So for a birthday gift one year I was given two, very cute, black, Siamese cross bred kittens that I still have today.

About a year ago my husband landed a job where he consulted as a financial adviser and worked mainly from his home office. We quickly realised this situation meant we could in fact have a dog. It was decided that we should wait until the cats died before we did that. Our cats are now 8 and still have plenty of life left but I am getting very impatient.
Our current lives and situation is screaming out for a dog. We regularly take long walks in large woodland areas, holiday in places where dogs are allowed and have a very pet friendly home.

My daughters 4th birthday is approaching and a dog is all she asks for. Then yesterday during conversation it transpires that my friend's dog walker has two chocolate Labrador puppies that he has to home separately. She explained that obviously he would need to meet us and maybe spend some time with the family to make sure we could give him a good home. Of course the dog had to like us too!
Speaking to my husband, who is usually the impulsive one, he listed out the practicalities and pointed out that with a baby on the way this really wasn't a good time.

Overnight I seem to have really latched onto the idea. Today I tried various blackmailing techniques to persuade my husband like sending him pictures of what he probably looks like and I even put a proposal together about how we would manage and afford him.

...It didn't work. I am now admitting defeat and cannot justify getting a new pet if the whole family doesn't want one. Heartbroken doesn't even begin to cover it and my husband is banned from talking about it.

It is probably for the best but is there ever a right time for a dog?

Letting the cat out of the bag

2011-08-23T06:42:00.000-07:00

This blog may come as a shock to some as my pregnancy is not yet common knowledge. I have had ups and downs trying to hide such an obvious secret.

It all began last month when the 2 week headache became unbearable so I decided I had to see a doctor. The day before a male friend made a remark that I was obviously pregnant. I laughed it off as it could not possibly be that. My plans were to have a second baby next year. I have a big party planned in October for my 30^th and it was going to be the party of the century. Then I was struck with a drunken memory of a few weeks previous. Yes, there definitely was a careless moment... shit!

So the test was positive, as were the second and third tests. I saw the doctor the next day and suddenly I am booked in with a midwife and it is actually happening again.

So the rule of thumb is that you shouldn’t tell anyone until after your scan at about 3 months. The theory is that the first 3 months are crucial and the risk of miscarriage is exceptionally higher. So I told family and one or two close friends. The estimate is that I am about 2 months gone but I am filling out a stupid pace. I am already struggling to fit into my work trousers. This is not good when I am trying to keep it quiet. I resign myself to the fact that people probably just think am getting fat. I am meeting the midwife next week who will give me my scan date.

I have attended seven events since finding out my news, seven events where alcohol is present and I am expected to consume large quantities. The ‘I’m on antibiotics’ did not go down well, and the ‘I have to drive’ excuse is wearing thin. People really want me to drink. I’m starting to think that maybe I am a bit dull sober!!!

There is also the smoking situation. I have quit under the guise of ‘it’s about time as I approach 30’. It is a struggle though and I am still sneaking the odd cigarette. I have been assured that this is not too bad and that stress can cause more harm to an unborn baby. I am working on it!

My 4 year old daughter also knows my big secret. As soon as I told her I did think it was a bit silly and probably wouldn’t remain a secret for long. So far she has not dropped me in it. She is so excited and refers to the bump as her brother. I hope she won’t be too disappointed if it’s a girl. She has also asked me daily if her brother is ready to pop out yet! I think this is going to be a very long 9 months!

The stress of keeping this quiet is probably much harder than the morning sickness I am suffering from. Only a few more weeks and I can finally ‘let the cat out of the bag’.